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Hello. My name is Violet and I'm eighteen. I believe I've been suffering from either depression, bipolar disorder or both for the last year. I was diagnosed with a lot of problems as a child; asthma, Tourette's Syndrome, ADHD and scoliosis. Recently, I was diagnosed with Hypothyroidism, Vitamin D deficiency, malnutrition and Binge Eating Disorder. I've been seeing doctors/therapists and taking medication for as long as I can remember. Over the years, I've been to countless therapists for numerous reasons. So, my life's been pretty s****y but this past year has been the worst. I'm constantly tired, I'm restless, I have trouble sleeping, I have nightmares, I go through periods of binge eating/barely eating, I have trouble focusing, I've withdrew from hanging out with friends/getting involved at my school (it's my senior year of high school), I'm not interested in the things I used to love, I have suicidal thoughts and I tend to hurt myself sometimes. My parents don't understand. My mom constantly ridicules me for spending all my time in my bedroom and sleeping after school (which is when I find it most easy to sleep). She yells at me to get up and do something with my life. No one knows what I'm going through and that's the worst part. I've tried to tell them but it's just too much to get across? I think I've cried everyday for the past month and when I do, my mom laughs at me. She thinks I'm pathetic and lazy. She's mad at me for being tired all the time but she knows I have Hypothyroidism/Vitamin D deficiency. She's always on my back about college; filling out applications, visiting campuses, writing my essay and increasing my SAT score (she enrolled me in SAT prep class). I appreciate that she's trying to help me get into a good college and be successful. But, that's not what I need help with right now. I need someone to be there for me and not make my life even worse. My parents always threaten to sell my car, take away my phone, ground me, etc. I know these aren't my biggest problems but they sure don't help. I've been self destructive lately and I don't know how to stop. I'll hurt myself, know I'm doing it but I can't stop. It's become a really bad habit. I feel like I've sunken into this hole of despair and I'm trying to brush off the pain but I just can't. I can't even remember the last time I was truly happy or the last time I went out with my friends. I know I should see a doctor but I've been seeing doctors ever since I was born. I'm over it. I already take so many medications and see so many doctors and visit so many therapists. I just want a normal life. I want to be happy again. I want to enjoy my senior year. I want to have the motivation to be successful in life. Please help me 😔 I'm sick of being sad all the time.
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