Please I need Some Help!

Posted , 6 users are following.

Hey guys, I'm new here and just need to vent and get some advice. It's going to be a long one so I'm going to sum things up and then go into detail. I am a 26-year-old black male (there's a reason why I mentioned race) with no friends, lost my job and had to get something I dislike and don't fit in with, I am alone most days, I have no healthcare and can't afford therapy which is why I am here. Now the details. 

About two months ago, I was under a ton of stress. I lost my job (the company shut down without paying us.) leaving me helpless. I also lost my only friend (passed away) which made me obsess over my mortality. This lead to my first panic attack. It was bad, I was sure I was dying. Fast forward to today, I feel like a completely different person, after I got my check up and all test came back fine, I haven't had any other panic attacks or feelings of intense anxiety. Growing up, I've always struggled with social anxiety but never knew what it was until recently. I bring that up because I started working at a retail store which was a terrible decision. I don't do well with small talk and I am so awkward around my coworkers. They barely speak to me other than a "hi" or "good morning", things are pretty unorganized and I am someone who needs things to be in order and chaotic. I often finish my tasks early and they have to find more work for me to do. I almost never do they job I actually applied for. I work with older women, 40s, 50s and teens 18,19,20. The older women stick together and so do the teens. The teens are pretty immature and use language that I don't use or agree with. I feel like an outcast and just don't fit in a retail environment, especially at this store. I took a pay cut to get this job, but I need the money and that's the only reason I am there. But I am pretty uncomfortable and experience anxiety while there. After work, I come home and sit in my room and browse the internet. I don't have any friends so I can't just call someone and talk to them about how I feel, or hangout to get my mind off of how I'm feeling. It sucks because I just feel alone. I live in a community of 90% black people who are into hip hop, sports and are urban. I listen to rock, like anime, enjoys painting, swimming, sewing and other things you don't normally associate with black people. Unfortunately, I feel uncomfortable around most black people and I'm black myself. I always am shamed for being who I am and liking what I like. I also happen to be gay and being gay in the black community is like the worst thing you can be so it's extremely hard for me to connect with anyone in my community. I am often times scared. So I stay in my room all day. Most days my neck, shoulders, and head are tense and sore and it definitely sucks. I've lost the motivation to workout, paint, or swim like I use to do before the panic attack. I've started eating poorly, before I ate a mostly plant-based diet, no processed foods or sugars, but that has all changed since the panic attack and anxiety. I'd love to make friends, but I suck at small talk and just come off awkward. I'd love a job in an office setting or in a creative field like digital media or content marketing, but I have little work experience and haven't finished my degree. I do have plans on going back to school and finishing up, but with the experience, I'm afraid that I will be stuck in retail or the food industry. Everything in my life just seems to be going so wrong and the only friend I could call and talk to about it with isn't here anymore. I just feel like crying sometimes and just hiding from the world. My family just thinks it's a phase, which it could be, but I don't think it is. I just feel so helpless and hopeless. I hate feeling like this and just want to get better, I want better for myself but don't know how or even where to start. I have no support system and feel like I've failed myself. I never thought that this would be my life. Does anyone have any advice? I can really use some. Thanks.

Sorry for the long post, I just needed to vent ask for help. 

3 likes, 7 replies

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  • Posted

    I'm sorry to hear about your situation right now. Life is definitely tough for you at the moment. I was thinking long and hard about what kind of advice to give to you, because I really want to help. And the first thing that came to my mind was, you need a friend. I'm deeply sorry to hear about your loss, I know what it's like to lose a friend too. And I also understand that because of the way you are, and the kind of community you live in, it's hard for you to make new friends. But a good friend, no matter if they're real life friends or just friends on the internet, is sitll a friend. I was going to suggest that you could maybe make an online friend? Do you have any of those? I used to have some. I also have social anxiety and bad anxiety in general. I had my first panic attack around two months ago, and another once about a week or so ago. My point is, it's hard for me to make friends, in real life and on the internet. I have always been an outcast, in high school, and I feel like wherever I go. But I'm sure if you have internet access, you can meet tons of people who are going through similiar situations and have the same interests. For example, I like anime too. And I like rock music, any kind of music really, except for country.. haha. If your family isn't a support system, maybe another good friend can be a support system for you. I'm always here and willing to talk to you, be a friend. Maybe we can share stories or something. There are tons of people who are here for you, and want to help you. You're not alone in this. I hope that things work out for you and that you can go back to school, and do what you want to do in life. Because you deserve it. You deserve happiness. And don't apologize for the length, everyone is here to help you. 

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    • Posted

      Thanks brite. I'll try to make some friends online. Today I'm feeling better and more hopeful. Things will get better, I just have to make the effort. Thanks again. 

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  • Posted

    I wouldn't let that stuff get to you man. It's just a tiny moment in time where things are lower than normal. Stuff will build back up again and you'll have a better chance at doing what you want to do. I can understand about how difficult it is to have a friend to hang out with at work, but if it's too difficult, I would say just let your awkward barriers down and talk to people. Nothing will change if you don't let it. Being gay and black is nothing to be ashamed of. I think it's awesome you like anime. There aren't many of us around that do. Even if you do like anime, that is definitely nothing to be ashamed of. They're good stories. The only difference is that it's animated. It would be the same if I was making fun of someone who watched the Walking dead or any other show like that. It's irrational.

    The main thing I can tell you is to have patience. These things always have a tendency of working out on their own. Just be calm and remind yourself that it's just a passage of time. You'll be in a new chapter soon enough. smile I'm 23 by the way.

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  • Posted

    Stay positive,give yourself encouraging words like; i am strong, i am intelligent, i am happy the little things also you should continue eating i had the same issue and i am also 26 our stories are similar in a lot of ways minus ethnicity and sexual orientation, that doesn't matter though you need to keep yourself positive and keep on doing what you have been doing ( i know it is easier said than done) i struggle with it myself

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  • Posted

    OKAY I'm going to be blunt here and I do not mean it in a horrible way but in My opinion.. you need to stop thinking so much about what others think!

    feeling outcasted is a horrible feeling, I know. And feeling alone and having no friends or support circle is also horrible.. I know this not going to go into my story because this post is to help you BUT, from someone who spends literally everyday all day in the house and cannot work with severe anxiety and borderline agoraphobia.. I sympathise with you.

    I understand you are under a lot of pressure with everything you've been through, and losing a friend is a hard and hurtful time. I lost my best friend 7 years ago and I'm still trying to come to turms with it. I have no friends, in person. All of my friends are over the he internet and for me it is easier that way.. I used to worry about judgement on the internet but realistically there is no room for judgement on here. Everyone is there own person, we all have faults, insecurities ect But what matters is that we all find at least one person to call "friend". People say "blood is thicker than water" which refers to family and friend she but for me friends are more important as I wa was shin out of the majority of my family for sexual preferences and my mental health.

    I'm sorry for the jibber jabber and what I mean to say is yes, things suck. But they will get better and I'm not just saying that, it's fact. Once you hit the bottom the only other way is up.

    I for one am here if you need to vent. Private message me any time. Weather its to vent or just talk. I'll be your online buddy. Because I know what it's like to need someone.

    Don't give up, keep on keeping on. There's no easy ticket to happiness or "sanity" but there are ways to build yourself back up slowly, this is just temporary. Although it's hard to be positive when all your expierencung is negativity, youve GOT to stay positive.

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