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Some basics: I'm female and 19 years old- previously overweight but losing currently. I'm almost 40lb down since September. I need to lose another 40lb to get down to a healthy weight. (209lb started, 172lb currently, and I'm 5'3.)
So.. after having unexplained, unbearable, searing pain under my right rib for almost a year, my doctor finally has refered me to an ultrasound to check for gallstones. I've come home and done some research, and I finally understand what this horrible pain is- a gallstone attack. Everyone told me I was being dramatic, that it was 'period pain', but I always knew they were wrong.
I'm facing the prospect of surgery and I'm so anxious I had a panic attack coming out from the meeting with my doctor. I'm only 19- I'm not even twenty yet, and I've never had surgery in my life. I don't want surgery! If I was 40, 50, then I would be more open to it. But I'm not even twenty and I'm being told I need to have one of my organs taken out.
I've read that people cannot eat certain foods after, or that doing so causes them great pain and causes them to run to the toilet in seconds. I have plans- I have friends in every single inch of this world, I'm going to travel and see every last one of them, I'm going to eat every world food I can get my hands on and live my life to the fullest.
But now I feel like I won't be able to do that. Now I'll have to limit myself. I'll be known as the person who can't eat certain foods, who needs people to make special exceptions for them. Hell, it sounds like I won't even be able to eat a McDonalds or a KFC after this!
And what if I don't even wake up from the surgery? What if the doctor messes up, damages my insides, and I have to have further surgery?
To be brazen and blunt; I am mentally ill. I have severe depression, OCD, anxiety and a handful of personality and sensory disorders. I already struggle to manage my ambitious dreams around this. Now I feel like I have another hurdle thrown into the mix. And I'm not even twenty yet.
I'm sorry for this long post. I don't have anyone in my life I can talk to about this. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
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