Potentially Emotionally Abusive Family, Could Someone Please Help?

Posted , 4 users are following.

Since I've done a lot of research on this, I've found that my mum and my brother (possibly my other brother and sister too) are emotionally abusive.

My mum disregards the fact I have social and generalized anxiety and either says there are lots of tutorials on how to be confident or says it's because I think people are better than me - but I shouldn't worry because I'm better than they are.

She almost always goes on about my weight whether it's a fat joke or a comment; if you start now, you might be able to lose weight for summer, stop eating that; you're going to get fat etc. I tell her not to but she just laughs it off and continues another day, which has resulted in my skipping meals whenever I can.

Whilst I'm at school (as much as I hate it because the students in my form are verbally abusive) I'd be quite happy due to the small circle of friends I have, whereas I dislike going home since my mum is controlling. She refuses to let me out for simple things such as buying milk since she thinks I'm going to get raped (Honestly mum?) and if I'm back by 04:30 or later, I get yelled at, so paired with the fact I'm not allowed to go out on my own, there is pretty much no way to get away from her since she just barges into my room.

She also ignores whatever I say whenever I try to help her, even when she's the one asking for help, and forgets about me as soon as my siblings or someone else says the exact same thing I was saying.

My brother is almost always judging me, saying things like my music taste and style are weird, or that I in general, is weird.

I'm terrified at the thought of telling an adult at school since I'm scared they'd just laugh it off with 'she's too young' or something of the likes.

Can anyone reccomend anything?

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4 Replies

  • Posted

    Museless, you are having what I like to term as HTS or Hormonal Teenager Symptoms. Effectively every part of your life is one big pain the the butt, right? And please don't think I am mockng you because whilst I may now only be young in spirit, the memory of those teenage years still makes me wonder how I coped. You are letting everything get to you, that is stressful and therefore I would suggest you learn some relaxation techniques, trust me as you go through life they will serve you well. Have a look at CBT, relaxation,self hypnosis and meditation, give them a try and don't forget the life you have now, whilst crazy and distressing is actually something to smile about, take pride in being 'weird' it shows you have self identity and that shows you have spirit to be who you want to be. Hope this helps

    David

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  • Posted

    Hi I agree with David Museless.   It is part and parcel of being a teenager and stuck inbetween being a child and becoming an adult.   I am not mocking how you feel coz we have all been there and it can be awful. 

    Your mum has probably heard of young girls going missing and is just looking out for welfare coz she cares about you and wouldn't want anything to happen to you.   Give her a big hug and tell her you love her.

    You will survive this coz we all do.  It's all part of the journey to becoming a self determining adult.   We all go through it.  Take care  Bev x

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  • Posted

    I don't agree with the previous two comments. I actually did grow up in an emotionally abusive family and it did me a lot of damage which I eventually worked through in therapy. I think that if anyone had taken me seriously instead of just dismissing my problems as hormones I might not have lost my 20s and half my 30s to severe depression. I can now see my brother and sister in law repeating the pattern and it breaks my heart for their children.

    So, Museless, it's very hard to tell from your post whether you are actually in this situation, and I don't think that anything you can say here will clarify it or should. The important thing is to find someone who will listen to you and take you seriously, so try to get some counselling, either through your doctor, or at school if your school has a counsellor. I would try to explain what happens and how you feel without using phrases like emotionally abusive or controlling, because you are more likely to get help if you present as vulnerable rather than accusatory. 

    Whatever your situation, you're clearly being upset by the things your family say and counselling will help you to develop a thicker skin and give you more confidence not to let them get to you. That's all therapy is, really, giving you emotional armour. Sometimes, when people see that picking on you isn't working any more they even stop! 

    I understand the hurt you're feeling, and I hope you get someone to listen to you soon x

     

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    • Posted

      Thanks, Claudia. I discussed it with my friend because I felt like I was getting no where and she said something similar to the top comments and I felt like I most likely woouldn't feel comfortable doing that. You've given me advice and helped me understand what I need to do in order to get the help I need :3
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