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I don't think I will but I can't stop thinking about it. Keep thinking abou the meds and get excited about not being here anhmore. I have had a little drink but not so much. Had fall out with a very trusted friend and feel betrayed and humiliated. And sick of mind going ten to the dozen, constant thinking every single day trying to get better and make sense of things and can't get over breakdown I had last year - keep reliving the trauma. Was feeling suicidal so doc upped me from 20 to 30mg Cit. I have had some really good days then sudden slump like today happening more often and even more suicidal.
So tired of it. not even crying. Everyone sick of my depression for a year now, can't talk to anyone. Supportive boyfriend trying to give solutions but doesnt matter I just want out. Also to avenge the people who have hurt me and caused my breakdown - then they will be sorry. Feel like will just be relief if I go.
Feel selfish and ashamed on top of anxiety and depression, my friend commited suicide and left distruction but now I understand why. Counselling not helping. Maybe I should switch meds. Don't know what to do.
Sorry to freak anyone out, know you all strugglin too.
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