Really lost, please help (depression and anxiety).

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About 7 weeks ago, something happened between my boyfriend and i that caused guilt, shame, and hurt for the both of us. At the time, we had been together for 5 and a half months. We were able to get past it but for the two days after i kept on over thinking about, crying and looking up answers online to calm myself down a bit. I wasn't eating at all and i began to doubt my love for my boyfriend out of nowhere. This made me even more anxious and caused me to cry and look up even more things on the internet.

After these two days passed by, on thanksgiving night ( i remember all of the dates of when everything happened), I began to feel really depressed and sad. For about 1-2 weeks, I had very low appetite, thoughts of how if I wasn't alive, i would feel better (not suicidal and i never took action or made a plan), would cry nearly everyday, and was just a huge mess in general. However, it gradually got better but im still feeling extremely off and not like myself. I began to dissociate (? i think) and i felt like nothing was real, especially when the sun set and it became night. Now, fast forwarding to this day, I went to a therapist last week after 6 weeks of everything falling apart, and she was super sweet and diagnosed me with acute symptoms of anxiety and depression. I'm meeting her once a week until i begin to feel better. I still over -think and search things up. My head feels extremely heavy and i have found that even with good sleep this does not go away.

My boyfriend and I are still together, even though we've had a few rough patches because of my irrational thinking, and today is actually our 7 month anniversary. Before all of this began to happen, we had the most amazing relationship ever. The love i felt for him was overwhelming and everything he did was so amazing. And i know, i know, thats how love always starts and theres a honeymoon phase but this just doesn't feel right. He has been so supporting and has tried his best to help me and has even offered to take me to my therapy sessions. But by this point i am so tired of feeling anxious around him and asking myself "do you love him? " every time im with him and comparing our relationship to how it used to be and picking out his flaws and convincing myself that im no longer in love with him that i just feel numb and dont even want to try anymore. I know something is wrong but im just so tired and its so hard to think of not feeling like this and feeling good. At points, I've even convinced myself that im not depressed or anxious, but i am just falling out of love. But this doesn't feel right. So im going to keep fighting but im so tired of feeling guilty, hopeless, empty and waking every morning and remembering that something is wrong. Panic attacks. I cant even forgive myself for waiting so long t go to therapy because everyday i convince myself that i will be depressed and anxious forever and by the end of the night, after searching everything up, i know ill someday be as happy as i was before again but the next day i have to convince myself all over again. Also it might help if i mention that my parents got divorced in a horrible way when i was a child and i never really coped or dealt with it at all, just put it to the side. I feel crazy. Please help me.

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  • Posted

    I have had this happen to me when i was younger. I still have the heavy head and anxiety n depression too, im 50 now. the acute stress of it all left me feeling tired and listless, and exhausted. I always overthink things and worry what was said /done. even if not by my fault, i took blame n made myself ill. its not my fault, and made feel a victim, so i got depressed and cdnt talk about it to anyone.

    Im still figuring out how to not care so much and let things go.

    hope u are feeling better

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  • Posted

    Depression is common. One in three people will experience a major depressive episode at some stage in their lives. I have had too depression when I was studying. I just stopped thinking too much other things and felt relax. There are a range of ways to deal with depression.

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  • Posted

    I understand your situation. I have so depressed when I lost my job. I almost wanted to commit suicide. But one thing that helped me a lot is talking to close family and friends. Meaningful one, I mean.

    So I encourage you to try that out as well. It'll also help you out,

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    • Posted

      Hello peterjoe

      We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologies for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.

      If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The Samaritans offer a safe space where you can talk openly about what you are going through. They can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen.

      Their contact details are on our patient information leaflet here: https://patient.info/health/dealing-with-suicidal-thoughts, which also offers lots of other advice on how you can access the help you may need.

      If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to the team at the Samaritans (or the other people detailed in our leaflet) who will understand what you're going through and will be able to help.

      Kindest regards

      Patient

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  • Posted

    2 out of my 3 past relationships were self-destructive. I sometimes wish I had never been in those relationships. But, I feel like I've really grown, and have gained wisdom, and emotional fitness and strength. The goal is to live everyday with no regrets. That means giving 100% of myself to improve my life in all areas. As for gratefulrelationships, as silly as it sounds, the best relationship you can have is when you love, accept, and nurture yourself first and foremost. For when you have truly and fully embraced the gift of life each day, everything else in life falls into place. Frequent daily walks is very helpful to feel better each day, as well as making conscious efforts each day to be grateful for something. This may include becoming aware of the many breaths you take each day, that you get to experience the gift of life each day, or the many hours each day. For when you train yourself to be grateful for something each day, you get to be grateful for more things in life each day. Learn to be grateful for the many simple things in life. Keep it simple, fun and easy.

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