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I am new to this forum this morning. I am hoping to gain some reassurance that this past two months of hell has really been down to anxiety.
It all started mid October as I was putting my five year old daughter to bed. I felt a pain in my chest like I'd never felt before. For some reason I instantly felt a feeling of panic and spent that night convincing myself I could feel lumps and googling breast cancer symptoms. This pain remained for over a week and the fear just continued to mount.
Monday morning I was at work and I just felt different. Like I was exposed and verbal diarrhoea was flying out of my mouth. I was on a conference call and it was as though the ceiling tiles were falling down. I left my desk, laptop still running and called 111. I was advised to go to A&E for an ECG due to the chest pains I was experiencing. My mouth felt dry but I was truly expecting my heart to be fine as I'd has ECG's in the past. But when I got there the medical team were concerned. My heart rate was 155bpm. The nurse said he would run some bloods and I instantly had this sense of dread like the truth about my cancer would come out and id have to deal with it. I just wanted to hide.
Needless to say two ECG's, bloods and a chest X Ray came back normal. They did however give me beata blockers to bring my heart rate down. I got home and put it down to a bad day but the next day I felt the same. I went food shopping, felt extremely fearful and sick to my stomach. I went to my doctors (did not see my routine doctor) who was not really very nice. Asked me why I was panicking. As he checked my heart rate and blood pressure I was constantly asking what it was and if I was ok. To which he just said 'you are fine' which of course i wasn't as both high. He gave me a prescription for beata blockers, two weeks off work and sent me home.
The beata blockers made me feel dreadful. Come the Thursday I could not lift my head. I called the GP office where the doctor told me to stop taking the beata blockers and instead prescribed anti sickness.
That weekend I continued to feel horrendous but the sickness did start to wear off. I hate feeling sick so I was relieved of that. I did however start to develop dizziness and horrendous retail lighting was too much to bear.
The following week I actually felt better. I felt relaxed from more sleep and some head space. Unfortunately this did not last. The following weekend I found tough. Having the kids solid and come the Sunday night I started with a new symptom that hasn't left me since and one that I find very unsettling-tingling! All over my head but have since had in my hands, arms, legs even my face. Sometimes it feels like burning sensation but mainly like something is crawling on me.
I decided to go back to work after reading that really anxiety won't heal by dwelling. This was a big mistake. I wasn't ready. Again I felt exposed. I could feel my heart rate go through the roof if I had to be involved in any meetings. If people asked how I was inside I was crying that I couldn't say I was well. This just wasn't me!
That weekend I went to an out of hours doctor. I convinced myself I was diabetic, had MS or an aneurysm. The doctor was fabulous and almost laughed with me about some of my behaviour. We spoke about my home and work life and he told me just to relax and stop googling my symptoms. He did recommend I see my GP to explore anxiety medication. That Monday I didn't go to work and instead tried tirelessly to get in at the doctors. I managed to get an appointment for the Tuesday afternoon where the doctor took no observations. In the waiting room I could barely swallow. He prescribed me with 10mg Escitalopram. I took my first tablet on the Wednesday morning and within an hour felt the force within my body. I felt horrendously sick and was shaking from head to toe. I managed the medication for two days. I could not get out of bed for 48 hours, I had insomnia, bizarre thoughts and could not eat a thing. I called the doctor to advise I could not take the meds and that I wanted to try and kick this naturally. I went to stay at my moms for the weekend where she helped with my children and cooked my meals. By the Sunday I was feeling a lot stronger.
I have managed to get back to work for a month since and am managing to get by if you like. My tingling is non stop and the left side of my head feels like a constant wound. I get muscle pain in my arms and back. I'm not struggling to sleep and don't feel lethargic but do wake in the night and my heart is racing.
My biggest fear is that I have cancer ravaging my body. That something sinister is instigating my anxiety symptoms. That my head pain is a terminal brain tumour. Five doctors have told me I have anxiety but i can't accept it. I spend most days reading forums and googling symptoms. Small tasks feel overwhelming. I've lost weight despite eating ok recently. I probably sound very selfish but ultimately I'm only afraid of dying because my babies need me.
I just want to know if anybody else has had this left sided head pain. It's always to thr left and feel like it radiates around my left ear. I had my ear checked and that was fine. My back is worrying me as I'm scared this is spinal cancer and linked to my head pain. I have no vision problems which is a relief.
I just want some reassurance that I'm not dying. That anxiety can really have done this to me. How can I beat this? Should I try alternative meds or try and beat this naturally?
I wonder how I will ever beat this as life just doesn't slow down. I have to work full time financially. I have two young children who I essentially do everything for as my husband works nights as a lorry driver. It's all too much perhaps. I'm irritable a lot of the time. The sound of my dogs nails on my wooden floor make me want to ou my head in my hands.
Just as an added point-I had the contraceptive implant fitted October 2015. Could this be to blame? I have felt like I can't cope essentially since but then this year has been tough so could be completely coincidental.
Thank you for listening and thank you in advance for any relief you can offer me.
Merry Christmas, Marie
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