Recovering from traumatising Herpes exam - Mentally exhausted

Hey All

I'm pretty positive I have herpes, which (after reading through the entire web and crying my eyes out for 24 hours starting to accept). I get my results on monday.

So, i shaved last week and the next day I discovered a small lesion on my vuvla. At first, I had no pain or discomfort but as the weekend progressed and I drunkenly picked at it, I had a bit of soreness. When i picked at it I had discomfort, but no itching, tingling or pain. Mild pain in my groin/lymph which i thought was from overtraining my splits. I shaved again on friday, avoiding the area and by sunday i basically had a ton of bumps and ingrowns all over the pubic area as well a a skin fungi that i get a lot.

I've had one similar instance in the past after having a new partner, which I was sure was an ingrown. Didn't get it checked as I was abroad and it went away after a couple of days. I had the same sex partner when I came back and neither of us never experienced any outbreaks or symptoms. We were in a relationship for about 6 months. I believe he gave me my primary outbreak and that it was just mega mild. This was 20 months ago and I praise myself lucky that I most likely will only have a sore once a year.

I went to get the sore swapped on Monday. The doctor was extremely unkind for the whole exam (for multiple reasons), took one look at it and basically said "this looks like herpes". The swap didn't hurt, but it did feel like he scraped it off and the sore has maybe 1/20th of the pain i get when i get a coldsore on the lip (which was why I didn't fully believe I had herpes). He did the full exam and as I had my blood drawn, the nurse kindly tried to calm me down by saying many people have it and that I most likely wont have to change much in my life. I don't think I am traumatised by the virus, but from the nasty experience of the exam. No empathy, no time for questions. No patient care. No medicin prescribed. No topical medicin adviced.

It was then in the evening I started feeling a lot of discomfort. While the sore is on the "normal skin" between the cheeks, my entire uretha and vaginal opening was burning SO much. The next day i had cottage like discharge and the sore looked infected. I have at no point had any smell. I ended up getting some Canesten from the pharmacy, which calmed the area down significantly. Walking back from the phamacy my vagina was very itchy and painful. The sore is more painful after the exam because it feels like he shaved my vagina off and it now has white ulcerlike texture! I know you're not supposed to put canesten on herpes, so i avoided the area.

It's now two days since the exam and the sore looks exactly like a herpes sore, while I had no blistering, I can see what the doctor meant. I am a strong woman and I think I can handle this virus, but I am so anxious that I've had it for a long time and not been able to see the signs and symptoms. When I get a coldsore on my face, I get the tingling and discomfort and A LOT of pain, but I have had NO warning with this and only discovered it when I washed.

I am now anxiously going through every single memory of having any vaginal discomfort in the area and overthinking every sexual encounter I have ever had. Did that guy have a sore? what was those red marks you had that one time you had a slight itch? ALL OF IT.

Of course, I am mostly worried about my sex life. I've just gone through a year of no sex and it was SO sad. I love having sex and I can't imagine having to have partners reject me because of this. Well I can, and that is what makes me so sad.

How do you guys manage when you don't get any pre-warnings? What about casual sex? I am not looking for a steady partner right now as I've been going through a really tough year (but with a healthy vagina! haha) and was looking forward to a summer of lots of (protected) casual sex.

How do you disclose herpes to your casual partners?

One of the things that makes me really upset, is that 1/5 adults carry the virus and doesn't know. But the responsibility falls on those of us who do carry the virus to be honest with our partners (which I fully intend to do). And WE have to live with that stigma, while many who (like i) get very mild symptoms just go about their sex life with no worry.

In a way, I selflessly wish I didn't know.. Especially as I am so rarely affected.. two very mild outbreaks in 20 months is very lucky i know. I read somewhere that they don't test for herpes during normal screening because it is so common because the psychological repercussions are so bad. I fully get this. But I am also annoyed that I have gone for screenings in the past where I thought I had the full work up and could have detected it earlier because I have had unprotected sex.

Do you have any advise ? How did you come to accept your diagnosis and how do you go about your sexlife?

Please, any thoughts would be so helpful. I'm in so much mental distress.

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