Posted , 6 users are following.

I feel really messed up, up until the begin of this week I was coping ( to a fashion ) fight my anxiety. But somethings snapped and I just end in tears. I had been to my GP who increased my mirtazapine from 30mg to 45mg but after 7 days I began to feel suicidal.

I am self employed and as a result end up losing work this week as I am not fit. :0(. I start on Venaflaxine today twice a day and just pray I can stabilise my life and move on from this blip. It's been 12 months since I ever fel this way I whilst I knew I wasn't fixed I thought the management was getting there. 

Seems depression is the hardest thing to fix :0(

The guilt I feel and pressure from family ( who are only trying to help ) to take it easier but not to lose work etc etc is really tough. It makes me question whether self employment was the best way forward, and I have worked so hard for the last 2 month too.

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22 Replies

  • Posted

    It takes a while for medication to stabilise when you change the dosage. 

    Try not to have all or nothing thinking. Sounds like it has been a tough week this week for you and we all have tough times now and then. Try to focus on the positives and the steps you can make moving forward (I'm telling myself these things too). 

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  • Posted

    Have you thought about counselling or CBT? 
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    • Posted

      Yes and I have been in the queue ( for 6 months ) and due to go in 2 weeks now I'm afraid these things don't move so quick. The government are still struggling to get staff to do the work, and the great people that do these therapies are over subscribed.
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    • Posted

      Yes youre right, I was on a waiting list the first time for what seemed like forever but atleast you know that if you're waiting its some good stuff that you and everybody else is after smile

      In the meantime do you have time to look through some self help CBT? There are some good resources online that could help with temporary relief until then.



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    • Posted

      If you type in self help cbt it should be the top link, I downloaded a 60 page self help course from there once. Alternatively there is a book I recommend to anyone and everyone - metacogtnitive therapy for anxiety and depression, got it off Amazon about 2 years ago and its been invaluable. You are doing everything you can, give yourself credit. You are going to get better x 
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  • Posted

    Hey go easy on yourself.  Some days are better than others when we have depression.  You are doing great.  You had a tough week.  You have done so well to have your own business.  Don't let this little "blip" put you off.  Have some "me" time and hopefully next week will be a lot better.
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    • Posted

      Oh bless you.  I have a bit of an anxiety issue today myself.  I do a voluntary job in a junior school near me.  I have to walk there as no car.  I am being assessed by "the boss" even though it is a voluntary job, just to see if I am doing things right.  It involves me helping children have confidence in themselves, particularly with their reading. 

      I do hope your business meeting goes well.  Lets hope we both manage with little anxiety.  I think we have to believe in our own abilities and have confidence in ourselves. 

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  • Posted

    hmmmmm Family..

    "Froggy Why dont you...."

    "Froggy You really *should* be doing......."

    "Froggy I don't understand why youre getting upset at us....."

    I agree with anne240 'ey go easy on yourself.'

    If it helps, I seem to get a whole bunch of stuff happening at the same time for example this week -- At the moment, my assistant, is trying to be the boss, was trying to find a place to rent - not easy in Syd and - just found one, location means possible Job change, or job change means location change. Got colonscopy *and* gastrospy operation tomorrow, got rental keys and money handover, and heavy goods move in on weekend. Also got career Councelling session Thurs.

    I spent a fair bit of the weekend talking to myself.. which is better than using a knife on me or someone else.

    SO Monday 24th = At least I've got a place to stay. I can centre round this.

    By Friday, I will have some general directions about health and career.

    It helped to write it down and then tick off stuff.

    Balance - wise, I think heaps are hit by this. there is so much information "You should do this" "Why aren't you a multi millionaire now?"

    and nothing about "I enjoy helping people" "My job is satisfying"

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    • Posted

      Oh gosh what a week for you.  (wish I knew your real name - why froggy?).  Hope the operation gos well.  I have had similar myself.  All these thinbgs building your anxiety, but you will cope, just everything coming at once so difficult for you.

      You are doing it too, being hard on yourself.  Who are all these people having a "go"?  One thing at a time.  Break it down.  Please be kind to yourself.  You sound as though you have it sussed out as you write it down and tick off.  You have a place to rent, that's good. 

      Glad you are in counselling.  Is it helping you?  You are doing really good for someone who has anxiety issues.  Well done.  Give yourself a pat on the back.

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    • Posted

      Dunno, I think its the common language now maybe?

      I talked about the flat, and other stuff, and I don't recall "Hey GREAT news" "Well done" or any enabling stuff like "can we organise a moving truck"

      What I got was "why are you are on the other side of town away from your friends?" "You should have got $600 a week place I mentied earlier" "But why rent ?" "Why a Studio apartment" "You should have continued to look" (this from the person that asked me to leave by Christmas)

      I always end up having to verbally explain myself and I not good at talking!


      At work as manager, its the same thing I wlways have to fight something.. (My Level 2 assistant to me a Level 5)

      Why did you decide this? I think its wrong.

      You haven't done this yet, It needs to be completed by this afternoon.

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    • Posted

      I'm sure others are in the same boat.

      One positive is I'm asking for emails from the level2 so I have time to consider and then going why did you say that?

      Using 1. 2. number points is good for reference but it helps me reduce long emails.

      If anyone is in the same boat with difficulties addressing issues, especially at work, see if this works for them.


      Good morning Level2

      1. I am processing book1 as a Destruction as per XYZ advice.

      2. I note that book1 which you also mentioned in your email was not mentioned by Mr Smith. Please follow this up and advise if this also needs me to look at it.

      3. So that I can document the destruction, what is the Task Number that your correspondence with Mr Smith has been placed in? If you have not created a Task for this, please do so and advise number via email.

      4. Regarding verbal discussion last week as you mentioned below, please could you detail the discussion you mentioned in an email, so that I can understand where you are directing me.

      Thank you for this.

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