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I feel really messed up, up until the begin of this week I was coping ( to a fashion ) fight my anxiety. But somethings snapped and I just end in tears. I had been to my GP who increased my mirtazapine from 30mg to 45mg but after 7 days I began to feel suicidal.

I am self employed and as a result end up losing work this week as I am not fit. :0(. I start on Venaflaxine today twice a day and just pray I can stabilise my life and move on from this blip. It's been 12 months since I ever fel this way I whilst I knew I wasn't fixed I thought the management was getting there. 

Seems depression is the hardest thing to fix :0(

The guilt I feel and pressure from family ( who are only trying to help ) to take it easier but not to lose work etc etc is really tough. It makes me question whether self employment was the best way forward, and I have worked so hard for the last 2 month too.

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  • Posted

    Venlefaxine is a great med, you should start feelings better soon my friend.

    im guessing you don't have sickness insurance, if not then just do what you can and perhaps explain this to your GP and get some anti anxiolitics to take so you can continue working as best you can until ADs kick in.

    benzos are great for short term use such as diazepam, xanax but only take as prescribed, if GP says as and when ask for clarification on what constitutes an as and when and the max per day. 

    I have diazepam and I can take 5mg no more than 3 times a day but find I can split a 5mg tab and just take half when I find I'm not handling the anxiety, I've had the same pack for 2 months so absolutely no risk of addiction.

    sounds like you could do with a small supply.

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  • Posted

    Really bad day :0( I have been to see my spinal surgeon today and my spina damage is to high a risk for surgery. Anteriorioly (from front) the fusion wouldn't hold and my spind and blood vessels are abnormal and make surgery from the back highly risky. The prognosis is poor either way, further degenerative spine and a wheelchair or irks surgery and a high chance fo a wheelchair. I could really cry when he said I need to make the most of these years I can walk albeit with aa hugely bad gait.

    Worse still if the surgeons at Walsall had not dismissed me 4 years ago when I wanted really help not just morphine apparently I  would have had a better prognosis.

    Feeling largely fed up with this year the divorce, not seeing my kids enough and the one thing i was holding out for being right now has kicked me in the teeth. I really feel lost in how to feel, or what to do ?

    Trying to find some positive but really struggling 


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