Ruined.

Hello!

I think you increase this problem!You can read stories and replies people who have HIV.

Herpes it is a small constraint of our life. 

P.S. After for hours i will go on meeting with other girl, who have herpes 

Hello Dawn,

                   Sorry to hear your dealing with this pretty badly, you dont want to be told how you can be happy with herpes but I am telling you its true, and if you want to hear a shameful embarrassing but (now) funny story I will humble myself for all to see in telling you something that I havn't spoken to anybody about although everybody knows, in the hopes this will make you laugh and pull your chin up a little....

here goes nothing.....

When I had my first baby the one before I caught herpes, I couldn't feel my clit I mean it felt numb for ages and I was desperate for an orgasm, so I sat in the bathroom and masturbated, yeah I was horny and I couldn't have sex with my partner because of the pain and fear of getting caught pregnant again, it was such a relief and I did this for months on end in the bathroom, until one day the neighbours outside shouted some rather unkind words while I was masturbating, calling me dirty and things alike, to my shock and horror they/the whole street had been watching me do this for months unbeknown to me until this point, I was mortified to say the least, so imagine my horror at having to face these people every day, and it wasn't just the neighbours sat outside that night but their teenage son and his teenage friends, as you can imagine the word spread about faster than a fart can fill a lift, everywhere I went I was getting funny looks and people nudging their friends pointing me out talking about me and laughing or giving me dirty looks, it was the most embarrassing thing that I have ever had to live through, everybody knew about me masturbating, gosh it knocked me for six, everybody including my parents knew about it.

Then a few years later I end up with herpes, on top of being the town masturbater lol, I thoguht this was the end of my life, everybody thought I was dirty anyway, I'm not fat or ugly just dirty, men can get away with masturbating but women cant apparently, so having the herpes made me feel like everybodies opinions of me where true and justified.

Now I'm over the whole everybody knowing I masturbated I couldn't care less anymore but at one point it made me so depressed, and Im over having herpes, and that too made me so depressed, I considered sucicide but I had a child and would never bring somebody into this world just to be selfish and leave them because of some problems I was having. 

Now Im at the happiest I think I have ever been, I dont have a job or skills Im a stay at home mum I have two children, but I realise sh*t happens to us and it makes us better stronger people, we learn from mistakes we make and grow wiser from them, this is a glitch in your life and your at your very lowest point but things can only pick up from here, your life will be filled with love and happiness one day, it might not happen right away but you will look back at this moment and be like gosh I was so emo, you will laugh it off, because with herpes you will still be loved for being you, you will still have children if you want them, you will live a normal life as the rest of us with herpes are doing or will do, did you know 80% of people who have this virus dont know they have it, something like 1 in 4 or 6 people have it, you probably know people who have this they just never told you, look at it like having a period, they are annoying and can be painful but only last a short while then your back to normal, since having this and getting over having it I can laugh at myself so much more, I have a great sense of humour now my skin is thick so to speak meaning not much offends me anymore and I don't judge people, its actually helped me be a better person and everybody around me has noticed how much easier I am to ge along with, Im actually more laid back and go lucky I see the good or the funny side rather than the bad, you will do too one day....sorry to rant and rave at you I just want you to know this is my point of view and it can be yours too, if ever you want to talk I'm here and so are many other people on here we know what your going through cos we have been there....so get it all off your chest cos we understand you !!!

Mandy

I don't normally reply to posts but feel I couldn't just leave this one without offering you a little support. I was diognosed 8 months ago and have suffered depression before diognosis and like you have been in a very dark place with my emotions and feelings towards life. A few months ago I gave in and went to get professional help. I now realise that yes it has changed me forever but it does not define me as a person. It's a skin condition and nothing more. I have bad days when it consumes my mind continually but they are getting less and less now and you do come to terms with it. Don't put yourself down and take each day with a deep breath. You can get through this and find yourself again. Try to be strong, educate yourself, talk to someone and look after your predacious heart. Big hugs and I really hope you get the help and find the strength to move forward and live your life again with heaps of happiness. Do take care x

I am sorry to hear about all that you are dealing with. Believe that each and every one of us understand how you feel. When I found out that I had herpes last summer, I was devastated. I felt disgusting and couldn't see any guy ever wanting me. I already had enough to deal with...now this?? The last thing you want to hear is that it will get better, but let me say that it will. I promise. In the beginning, it will constantly be on your mind, but over time, those thoughts will lessen. One day you will wake up and go through a whole day without it even crossing your mind.

This support group has been amazing in helping with my process of coping. Also, I don't know who else feels this way, but I actually felt better when I opened up to someone about having herpes. My best friend has it so talking to her helped to an extent, but the first time that I told a guy that I had herpes and he accepted me whole heartedly is when I truly started to heal emotionally! Sometimes we just have to give people a chance to prove that they aren't all as cold hearted as we may think! To know someone looked at me and didn't see me any different made me realize that I am worth it, I am beautiful, and I am still ME... and YOU are too!

You have a massive group of supporters here on this site and we will be here to help you in any way that we can to help you through this!

Dawn, you really should not be spending money on drugs and alcohol, you should be spending it on counseling and getting diagnosed and put on medication to help yourself. Nobpy can change your mins or way of thinking but yourself, I know this all too well because I myself suddwr from anxiety and depression. I too am not performing at my job, but I keep trying. My herpes diagnosis definitely set me back from the positive sreides I made and I feel something like that always happens to me when I'm making progress, but the difference is that happens to everyone, it's all in how you precieve it and what you do about it. Depressed people look through a dark lens. They see the bad side to everything and that's the biggest part in keeping you depressed, but is not easy to change your way of thinking, but just reframing from using words that you just did above to describe yourself is a start.

Your level of self loathing is intense and you may not want to hear this just like I didn't, but there is a portion of depression that is our own doing, not all, but a good portion and that's our self talk. You have to not feel sorry for yourself, it will only perpetuate how you feel about yourself and make yourself continue being the victim, the passenger where life is doing to you, instead of being the victor, the driver of your own life.

Yes, there are absolutely things out of our control in our life, but so many things we are and we also control how we react to it. Trust me, I am all too aware how paralyzing depression is. There are daily things that everyone does and I feel like I can't bring myself to do them, because I let them build up and now I'm overwhelmed, so I tey to dissociate to not deal and that's just making things worse and I'm well aware of that. I am the only one stopping MW from taking the first steps to mkinf myself better. No pill or anything is going to pay my bills, pick up cr*p off the floor, etc.

It is not the end of the world. You having a terminal disease is the end of the world. I just watched a friend die a slow death from ALS. He was trapped in his body w an able mind.. He just wanted to die and you know what? He was positive through it all, but wanted to die once he progressed. That is the end of the world for him... He probably would have traded places w us in a heart beat. So no herpes isn't the end of the world. I lnow 5arriws girls w herpes and one in a relationship... Please... It is not the end of the world, so knock it off. I'm giving you tough love, cause that's what you need and I can tell. Stop calling yourself a whore, you sound ridiculous when you say that. You're not a whore. I'm not a whore. I took pride in not sleeping around, my friends were shocked that me of all people would get it. That I would be the last one they thought would get it. This disease doesn't discriminate and choose based on your number of partners, you are nothing but a host to it. So knock off the self hate and pity talk and write down the first thing you need to change/start doing on a daily basis, hang it on a wall and start there. The key to fighting depression is routine and structure. The most important part and the only thing that makes me better and no meds can do, is exercise. When I got 3 days no exercise, I start having negative thinking and a down attitude. We have to fees our Brian's w feel good chemicals, only made through working out. Now put your shoulders back and your chin up and say today is the last day for self hate.

Hey Dawn, I am just going through my first outbreak of herpes now and it feels pretty awful. However, it's just a skin condition - no more disgusting than cold sores or acne. We don't choose ro catch it. Even people who wear condoms and are completely monogamous and don't have sexual activity when there are sores can catch it. I got mine from receiving oral sex (from a guy who didn't even have a cold sore at the time) but I've read stories of virgins who caught it the first time they had sex, and from 60 year old women who've been married their whole lives. Herpes doesn't discriminate. It's not just promiscuous people who catch it.

The thing about suicide is that it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You feel sh*tty right now, and that's understandable. You want to be free from pain. But there's obviously a huge part of you that wants to keep on living or you wouldn't still be here. That's the part that wants to live but just wants the pain and anguish to end. You can get help for that. Please do contact a counselling service near you and just start by sharing your feelings with a professional. It does help.

 

Please know that self harm is NOT the awnser because what you are feeling about your condition is temporary and you will get through the emotions you are having. Please never give up on yourself. The best thing for you to do right now is to go to a phycologist so you can work out some of these suicidal feelings and call a suicide hotline 1 800 273-8255 or you can do a google search for suicide hotlines , and if you need immediate help please call 911.

Hello honey,

Please don't entertain killing yourself.  There is help out there.  You just have to get to the right obgyn or urologist.  You are only one among some 25,000,000 known cases of Herpes II.  Drs surmise there are many more cases not reported or who are those who are carriers with no symptoms.  I once felt like you that no one would love me because of Herpes II.  That is not true, but you do need to be honest with whomever you may become intimate with so that they have the choice to have unprotected sex or who might get it even using a condom.  You only need to swallow your shame and be honest.  I do believe that Herpes II is epidemic by now, not sure.  Maybe you could talk with someone who can help you handle the disappointments in life.  To learn to cope a bit better.  I wish you all the luck in the world and know that there is always a rainbow over the horizon.

God bless you.

Hi Dawn03967

I am sorry you have been diagnosed. I have recently contracted the virus too. And I can't deny some of the things you said I thought about myself too. It's such a horrible, painful experience to go through and you feel like a lesser person and that no one is going to want you ever again.

That's why I joined this forum, (and you, even if you don't realise it) -to find out how everyone else handles this. Because suicide as someone else mentioned, is a long term answer to only a short term problem (and by the way it's not a curse to consider how your actions will affect others you love, it's a gift that so many people don't have).

Sure it makes me feel sad to the point I don't know what to do or how to move on, but I'm going to find out. Because I want to enjoy life again. I want to find someone to share it with and have a family with them. You are so young to be thinking there is only one way out, I would say you need someone to open up to about this, someone professional who can listen to you and help you through this.

Have you done any research about it? It is an incredibly common virus and I've discovered that the more Conservative people tend to be the ones that contract it. There appears to be a massive misconception that only people who sleep around a lot get these kinds of things, it seems to be your thinking definitely, but it's not true at all.

Seriously girl, we all have shit happen, some worse than others (and far worse than what's happened to us) it's important you learn to love yourself. And forgive yourself too, even if it's just a little bit each day.

Believe me, I'm preaching this to myself as much as I'm preaching this to you because it's what we both need. You I realise, probably more than me at this point.

Best wishes love.

Harmony

A little late .. But dawn I would love to know how you are holding up? Are you doing better ? Has the hatred that you have described decreased just a little bit ?

Just found out I'm positive for type 2 one of the worst things I could've ever been told .. I'm 20 what the hell am I going to do with a disease like this ? I can't stand life I hate it I hate it ., and even more so I have a man in my life and I'm too stupid selfish scared to tell him the truth . We have been together going on 4 years never once cheated on him so where the hell did this derranged disease come from ? Out of all the diseases in this world why did I manage to get a permanent one ? One that I can't take away . I look at random people and wonder how it feels to be normal . Not to have this herpes things hanging over my head and even worse I'm scared and in fear of the outbreaks that I have to Come ... Have you had any outbreaks since you have been diagnosed ?

Hon, I know exactly how you feel and if I haven't sworn off of suicide years ago, I would have done it. This is the only life there is. You do not get a redo. Life's mostly pain anyway. Believe me, it sucks. Still, it doesn't mean there aren't moments you can't enjoy. Get youself a bunny. It will love you unconditionally and will bring joy into your life. Do you know how many hollywood starlets have HSV2? A TON! This is all a part of being human. Everyone stumbles in life. I didn't discover my artistic talents till I was 23. You might find something you'll be good at and my advice is, focus on that.