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Self harm/cutting

Posted , 7 users are following.

amber50497
amber50497

(I’ve already made a discussion on this but I want to make another more detailed one and I really just need it to get out of my head)

I cut the top of my left arm when feeling emotionally hurt or drained and sometimes I’m even ok. Sometimes I do it when I can’t read my own emotions and don’t know how I feel. I think I do it because it helps me distract myself from how I feel emotionally. Most of the time I feel like I do it for attention even though I never show anyone and keep it a secret. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I have a good life and shouldn’t be doing this. The pain scares me but it’s a distraction. I like looking at the cuts on my arm but I don’t like when other people see them. My excuse (I’ve only had to use it once) is that I went to a friends house and her cat scratched me. Felt horrible lying by there wasn’t much I could do. Sometimes I feel like the world would be better off without me and that I should cease to exist. I’m useless. I can provide nothing. I don’t know why I’m here. Lately all I can think about is cutting. I think about it so much but when I get the chance I hesitate. I just cut deeper then ever before, which wasn’t much. I usually just give scratches and blood doesn’t really come out, only a little. Today a lot more came out and I just liked looking at it. I didn’t know why I did it this time, I feel fine. I just did. I feel like it’s startibg to become and addiction. My best internet friend recently found out. I accidentally told him I did it once and I have no memory of it. I feel extremely guilty for making him worry since his life is a lot harder then mine. He’s fighting his own battles and I’m probably making it worse. I wish he still didn’t know but it feels kind of nice that someone knows, it’s comforting. That’s why I feel like it’s for attention. I don’t know what to do with myself. How to hide it. How to stop. Or how to be happy again. I don’t know why I’m so upset nothing has ever really happened to me that is that bad. I need advice. Send some as soon as possible. Thank you for reading. (I apologize if there are any bad spelling errors)

1 like, 5 replies

5 Replies

  • hypercat
    hypercat amber50497

    Posted

    Hi there is clearly something very wrong otherwise you would not be harming yourself like this.  You need to seek urgent medical help as cutting is a red flag.  Please don't let it become an addiction as it is very hard to stop then and cutting too deep can cause permanent damage (not just scars but other damage too).  I saw a post from someone very recently who inadvertently cut too deep and the whole of their arm opened up and they had to go to hospital.

    Get help urgently.  x

  • petram
    petram amber50497

    Posted

    hi amber

    it is a positive step that you have found this sight it is also positive that you are recognizing the mistakes you are making by lying yes they are positive because you know in yourself that you need help.

    it is also good that you acknowledge  your best friend and that he has some problems . talking to people  does help 

    no matter how big or small the problem is but i would also if you can speak to your family let them know if you cant speak write down and give to them to read 

    i have found over the years when i have very dark moments i screw up paer and throw in a bin its my way of dispossing of the trash in my head i write screw it up and throw it away and if i get a hole in one i smile.

    lts silly but works sometimes.

    let us know how you get on. 

  • amy_57955
    amy_57955 amber50497

    Posted

    When something bothers you this much there is no reason to suffer because there is so much help out there.   I bet you can even find group therapy with others that have the same feelings.  This will help you determine why you might be doing this to yourself. Unfortunately it’s not uncommon . But you need help and tools on how to stop this urge.   Don’t be afraid or embarrassed to get help.  People who step up, be vulnerable and get help are to be admired. Don’t hesitate! 
    • petram
      petram amy_57955

      Posted

      well said and it is true taking the first step is always the hardest
  • wayne1962
    wayne1962 amber50497

    Posted

    Hi Amber - sorry to read of your situation. Self harm/cutting is a complex human behaviour. Control is one aspect of it - controlling how you cut, how deep, how far into pain we go, feeling something - anything. In some cases it will be done for attention, another controlling behaviour. 

    Amber, you need to seek medical support to help you through this and reveal what hides beneath that makes you self-harm. Professional help is required.

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