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I have always been a nervous/self-concious/shy guy, but I started with GAD about 8 years years ago. I've been medication free for over a year, it's funny that through that time I've been through some of the most stressful times a person could go through. I bought a house and shortly afterward lost my job, spent a month getting turned down for jobs, worrying about not being able to pay the mortgage, until eventually taking a job I didn't 100% want.
I can't say that through that period I was anxiety free, though I can say I dealt with things fairly well. I'm a year into said employment and organising a wedding (18th of July!) and, well, I'm screwed. It's been pretty stressful at work recently, that coupled with feeling that I should be doing something else, trying to organise my own stag do/suit fitting (cheers best men, the reason I chose two of you) and helping organise everything else, I feel like I'm finally begining to crack.
The past few days have been hell, I've been experiencing severe anxiety at work, on the train home and even at home, where I really should know I'm safe. I wouldn't say today as been as bad as previous days in terms of stress, but I left work feeling terrible, I got half way to the train station and I was so close to finding somewhere to hide and asking someone to travel the 30-odd miles to come and rescue me. I was dreading walking into the centre of town, but I stealed myself and realised after a while that it wasn't so bad.
I feel so close to going to the doctors and going back on the medication, but having been on them for so long prior I really don't want to go back there. I feel like if I do, I'd be surrendering to it. I want to fight it. I know that for the most part my thought processes are dictated by the lessons/fears learned by a 3 year old with an agressive father, but I also know that I can overcome that.
I'm considering private therapy, my experience on the NHS has been mixed, and a little impersonal. But for now I'm considering short term meds like Diazepam, just to take when I can feel the stress building.
What do people think?
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