Severe Health Anxiety/Derealization/Depersonalization

So about a month and a half ago on a Sunday I was working. Previously two days before, I had a headache and I threw up, more of a migraine without an Aurora, I have history of migraines where I always get an aurora and sometimes throw up. Not to mention I smoked marijuana, I would smoke here and there every once in a while since January to May, and once summer started I would smoke almost every other day, when I would smoke I would always be paranoid that I was going to die, and also felt Panic Attacks where I would always check my heart if it were beating, and if I felt like it wasn’t I’d just freak out even more. Continuing on with work, I was feeling a little weird like I wasn’t myself, I felt distant, didn’t communicate with my co-workers (normally I would be all over the place with lots of energy), I lacked energy, felt a bit drowsy, until the end of my shift, I started feeling dizzy, felt like fainting, feeling cold, and was having chest pains. I told the manager that I didn’t feel well and and in the back of my head I felt like I was going to die, I was freaking out and scared (At that time I didn’t know about panic attacks but I did sure was having a bad one). I ended up going to the ER and everything was fine, they did an EKG on my heart and it was fine, they did a blood test it came out normal. They said that i had an Upper Chest infection and to take ibuprofin. Then later on, I told myself if it isn't anything to do with my heart then it must be a brain tumor. I decided to go to my Childhood Doctor, and I told him everything I felt. He then later told me that it was stress and that I had to relax, and to control my mind, if not the second option was that he gave me a phone number to call a psychiatrist if I felt like I was loosing control. After he told me that I felt better about myself where I had nothing to worry about.

            I called off work for two weeks to help myself get better and to not deal with a stressful environment. It felt good not deal with that, but when I would go for a meal it was like if the symptoms had popped up again. I just didn’t feel like myself. As time passed by I still didn’t know what was wrong with me beginning to feel new symptoms, I would go on google and search for if I was having a heart attack, a brain aneurism, brain tumor, cancer, etc. I then came across a page where people with anxiety were experiencing the same thing as me (Note that I am a very anxious person, I am always worrying, feeling nervous, other thinking things) such as derealization/depersonalization, when I would drive at night I felt like things around me weren’t real, like if it were in a dream, it almost felt like things weren’t even happening and time was going by quick. I would also forget things quickly because I was so concentrated on what was going on with myself I didn’t care about what anyone was saying. I would always want to go home and be on my bed without anyone talking to me. I wanted to be isolated and be on my phone. Since I also had a girlfriend it made things harder to where it got to a point that she wanted to break up with me because I wasn’t the same as I used to be, loving, caring, and outgoing with her.

            There are days that are better than others, but usually when It comes to the night it always tends to hit me. When I play soccer on a Sunday team my mind is everywhere like if I were sleepless, I would get tired easily, and not perform my best as I usually do, but then there are days when I don’t feel like that but I still do feel tired and lazy but it probably has to do with my weight I am 5’10, weighing 200lbs. I also had thoughts that I was going to die, and that everyday was my last. I have been feeling a little bit better lately but am still stuck with a brain tumor, I also feel congested and sometimes can’t breathe, and feel like I can’t smell. Lately I have been having neck pains, and feeling my muscles tense on shoulders. Also, at times I have tension on the right side of my head when I think about it as well as the back side, then I compare it to the other side of my head to check if they are both even (I know weird but that’s how worried I am) but I am constantly feeling my head for bumps or things that haven’t been there before. I am constantly searching the internet everyday for answer even taking anxiety test online where I score high anxiety. I just want to know what’s wrong with me. 

0 likes, 5 replies