sharing my positive results
Posted , 2 users are following.
This summer I tested positive for genital herpes. The strain is HSV-1. My first outbreak was awful, but I have only experienced some minor tingling since. I have recently started seeing an ex boyfriend. He does not know I am positive and we have not had sex yet. Should I be upfront and tell him now before things get too involved? Should I wait until I know I can trust him not to tell anyone? (these questions are based on the assumption he will reject me for my herpes, I obviously am hoping he doesn't). Do I have to tell him at all? I have always felt strongly that I am morally obligated, but now that it's involving someone I know and care about I am scared to be rejected for a virus.
0 likes, 4 replies
dora29322 dani1997
Posted
Dear Lord in Heaven ... we are in the same boat.
My doctor told me that I wasn't obligated to tell anyone except a perspective partner. No one knows only a friend who heard the results as i did (not even my Mama, and she knows things about me no one else knows). Felt morally obligated to tell the guy who i was seeing & i haven't heard from him since.
Personally i wouldn't tell him unless you are both on the same level and when you are both on that level i believe honesty is the best policy. Hope this helps. Just remember if he doesn't stay, it is best for you both to let him move on
Stay true ?
dani1997 dora29322
Posted
I'm sorry you have to go through this as well, I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I agree, after telling my parents and two close friends, I've realized sharing with others would be a great mistake. Maybe this perpetuates a shameful stereotype, but most people have little to no knowledge about HSV. They judge at face value, and cannot understand the reality of the virus unless they themselves or their family/friends have gone through it too.
It frustrates me that telling him has to be such a big deal, when my diagnosis has had little to no affect on my daily life. I never show symptoms. I know I am lucky and everyone responds differently, but it sucks all the same. I'm tempted not to tell him, because it is harder for guys to contract it, especially if I am responsible in taking meds/using condoms. But I could never forgive myself if he got it and I didn't tell him. He probably wouldn't forgive me either. Just wish that there was a greater chance of a positive rather than a negative outcome. I'm counting on him bailing.
Thanks for answering, I wish you luck too <3
localfwbguy dani1997
Posted
Listen, I know it's tough but your making way to big a deal out of GHSV 1. Most human beings on earth have antibodies for HSV 1, those who don't are the minority. Just because you had a primary OB on your genitals does not make your HSV 1 worse than someone who gets cold sores. In fact, GHSV 1 is less active than OHSV 1. We have less reoccurances and she'd the virus less than all those cold sore people...after all they are the ones who infected us.
Just tell your partner you got blood work to be sure of your status, and your positive for HSV 1 like the other 60-90% of the human race. He'll probably shrug it off and won't think twice about it. Honestly, you'd probably would have gotten HSV 1 in your lifetime no matter what. We're fortunate we have it genitally because it's less contagious and reoccurs so infrequently.
dani1997 localfwbguy
Posted
I appreciate your response, I do feel like I make too big of a deal about it sometimes. Right now I'm just thinking of all of the worst possible responses. I've heard quite often that guys are more receptive to the idea of seeing someone who tested positive than we may assume. Any tips on how to talk to him? I want it to be casual and neutral, but obviously truthful too.