Posted , 3 users are following.
By Lonelygirl28 | 18 hours
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Hi, I am 28 and I came across this forum and I just want to write to see if I'm the only one feeling this way. I know it's dumb but here it goes.. because I feel like I'm at my wits end. I've had ptsd since I was 16 but always lived a so so life.. no panic attacks, just mild anxiety which would be fixed by not going to what I though where dangerous places.. like bars in the ghetto, avoiding going out at night since things like that are triggers for me. Anyways.. my ptsd worsened as I noticed when I drop my kids who are 8&9 off to their dads house at night I would tell them "OK were gonna run to the door OK?" And if I took them to the park I would avoid taking them to where other kids where playing because of fear of altercations.. which I know it's not a good thing because the need to interact with other kids. But I never have a problem taking them to museums, movies, or fairs.. anyways two months ago my doctor prescribed me adipex, better known as phentermine for weight loss, keep in mind.. my living situation is really hard, I am homeless have no job and live in my car so I'm always alone. So,I took half of the adipex pill and after 15 minutes my heart started pounding and before I knew it I was on the phone with the cops begging for help.. I thought I was going to die, I was shaking uncontrollably trying to make myself throw up and I pulled up to a casino parking structure and some lady got the security who came outside and tried to calm me down but I was sure that was it for me.. while still on the phone with the dispatcher the EMT arrived and took me to the hospital.. I could not stand still in the end bed.. I walked up and down the hallway asking people if they where doctors but they all ignored me.. only one resident nurse felt my pain and talked to me and I manage to calm down a bit, but I would all of a sudden feel in distress all over again.. the doctor came in and told me he would give me a Valium to calm me down.. another nurse came in and was really rude and said.."just take the meds I don't have time for this" so I put the pill in my mouth..pretended to swallow and she left. Anyways I only took half the Valium which was 1mg. And it calmed me down for about an hour or so.. then I start feeling distress again and the doctor says I'm physically fine..and I can go to the psychiatric ward if I want..so I've never been to one, but I agreed because I knew I needed help..well the psychiatrist saw me for 3 minutes, gave me a Zoloft prescription and then told me I was not crazy enough to be there and released me.. I had no choice but to leave.. and I went straight into a better hospital but they told me I had an anxiety disorder and gave me a prescription for ativan 0.5. Which I only took half of a pill and completely knocked me out, so I refuse to take it. I slept at the hospital that night and the next day I went to feel up my prescription to a pharmacy literally 3 minutes away from the hospital and I started to feel anxious but I managed to go in the store and had 3 panic attacks while waiting for my meds.. then I got them after I ate if I began to feel full..like I couldn't breathe. Fast forward to 3 weeks later I went to a partial hospitalization program with helped a little while it lasted for 2 weeks. I've been to everywhere I can to try and get help but everyone tells me I don't need it and that I should just take the Zoloft. Now I can't leave my comfort zone which is literally a mile around the hospital and now I'm starting to get panic attacks in my comfort zone, which is making me feel more and more helpless, hopeless, and depressed. The worst of it all is that I have not seen my babies in 2 months because of this. And I missed one of their birthdays, and my others sons B-Day is in 2 weeks..which I will probably miss too. I really want to take the Zoloft but I don't trust myself being alone while on it. Like I'm scared of losing control of my thoughts and do something stupid. I also have vertigo which is dizziness because of my left inner ear and I'm scared of taking medicine for it as well. I'm so lost! I would like to get over this without any meds, but I'm realising it can't be done. I want to be in a psychiatric ward for like 3 weeks until the side effect period passes.. I know I sound crazy but I'm desperate
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