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Should I forget my family

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detra43863
detra43863

Right now I am in the process of reorganizing my life. I have quit my job and have no kids. But I want to start a new career and outlook on life. I currently have to deal with my family who have never been supportive as that is not the type of family I have with the exception of one family member. My family

to put it bluntly are "me people" or "what can you do for me people." I am fine with that as my mother raised me to be independent. The problem is I don't have the energy or resources to support them

right now. I only have enough for myself physically, mentally, financially, and emotionally. I have a

dilemma because my mom also raised me to care for others and I even watched her care for others before herself so it's hard for me to cut the cord. But the thing is I am being dragged down in the

process. Sometimes I feel it is the moodiness of my depression guiding my reaction towards them other times I feel it's justified. Should I distance myself from my family until I am healthy and have the mindset to deal with them? Outside of my family I really don't have other people I can call on. But I feel that maybe it's better to be alone than swamped by people who aren't good for me right now.

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4 Replies

  • david7897
    david7897 detra43863

    Posted

    Family dynamics can be tough - now there is an understatement !  Many movies, TV dramas, books and even Shakespeare plays on the topic. In the end what never changes is that they are your family. This doesn't mean you have to buy into their stuff    Or that you have to do what they say or have to be upset by them. Independence is a good thought, a bit of geographic separation can be helpful. Have some rules which you tell them - you must ring me not just show up on my door, etc. At some point you may feel you need to say that either you are respected or you will not talk to them, if that makes any sense. This approach helped a crack a very tough dad.

    You are right to be mindful of your mental state. I found the depressive illness caused me to focus tooo much on the negative aspects. Building them bigger than they needed to be. However, I would say that the issues were still real, just a bit out of proportion. Knowing this I am able to dial my reactions back a bit, on a good day smile

  • sue63604
    sue63604 detra43863

    Posted

    Family is important. The good, the bad and the ugly of it all. We need each other, but it is important to put up boundaries to take care of yourself. Completely shutting yourself off will not be the answer. They are your family no matter what. That doesn't mean you allow their negativity to continue to affect you. Healthy boundaries put in place will give you peace. Write two columns. In the first column, write the unhealthy causes in your relationship w each person. In the second column write a boundary that will protect you. For example if mum calls all the time and talks to you about negative things, start by not answering her ring, but let her leave a message abd then call her back when you want and don't address the negativity but start the conversation on a positive note. Hope this helps. 
  • cooldrcool
    cooldrcool detra43863

    Posted

    You need to take care of yourself first before you can really be a good help to others. Take some distance if you need it but be sure to never cut yourself off completely. You family is very important to you even if they can be moochers and self obsessed. Without your family your likely to ind youself depressed and lonely. But like I said do what you need to do for yourself first.
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