Should I start on medication?

It’s a good thing you went back to the dr and came here. The meds do take a little while to work. But, you will feel better. The meds and therapy will help you to cope with the depression and anxiety. If they don’t work or make you ill the dr will change them. Keep in close contact with your dr. While taking them so that you will be monitored. I’m sorry for everything that has happened to you. You deserve a quality life. We all do, but unfortunately we are all suffering from this disease. It may go away after being on the meds for a while. I too am suffering deep emotional pain and have a very hard time facing each day when I wake up. But I take the meds and I feel better. When it is too bad I come here and call my dr. I hope that I helped you. You can always come here. This is your safe place. You can talk and vent that helps a lot too.

Carmela's advice is excellent. Yes there will be side effects and theyvrake time to work but you will feel better. This place was invaluable to me when I started taking meds and confronting my problems. People have been through it and know and sympathise with how you feel. No judgement whatsoever. I agree though you must stay in close contact with your Dr when you start the meds. I hope this helps and you feel better soon. Take care

Hi Ben,

I found that the depression meds I was prescribed made me so tired and I hated the feeling. I should have given them longer I guess, but as they had made me feel even worse, I came off them and the experience of feeling worse oddly made me feel better. 

My boyfriend has ocd, anxiety etc. He has been on them for a few years. He came off them for a bit and it made him get worse again, so they do seem to help. I do notice that he doesn’t seem as with it emotionally but I guess that part of that could be everything going on in his head and using alcohol. 

There are different tablets that you can try if the ones you’re on aren’t working. And yes they do take a few weeks. 

It’s great that you have tried to seek help. That’s a great start. 

There are charity organisations, for example Mind and Cruse(cruse is a bereavement charity. You may have to wait a couple of months again though). 

A lot of private councillors also work in the NHS, so you get a good service once you’re in the system so it’s worth bearing with it. If you could afford privately then they don’t like you on the nhs waiting list. Something about ethics we were told! 

I found that going out for walks and seeing my friends (even though I didn’t want to!) actually did make things better once I was out. 

I hope you can find happiness in your life in the near future. 

Ben

It does sound in several different ways yo are suffering from Depression. We just need to consider those deaths of people you have known and any other problems within your Family dynamic that would also cause you problems. and become problematic within their own right.

Your past work environment and your lack of work and finances will also be a problem for you.

I look at this as a group of five where people have to many problems on their mind and they are unable to actually approach each problem in an inclusive way. Five problems depending on situations can prove to be a problem as many of your concerns have been out of your hands and you now need to approach each problem  in its own right and attend to each in a singular fashion. You brain will be stuck and can only see your problems as one big problem causing you anxiety and depression. Your lack of work will also be a serious complication .

What I would suggest in the first instance is to talk to family who knew the deceased, a first line member is the best like a parent, Brother Sister, or any in laws etc. Talk out the loss to them to talk about their life helps you celebrate the loss both good and bad memories and that will help you sort out your problems, memories remember for example activities, both good and bad. Doing that will help you not forget, just in remembering them for what they are, you will never recover from a loss that is part of life, you need to move on and that iwhat the dead I suppose would expect you to do.

When it comes to work that is a real problem, I am retired and sixty seven now and believe me when I say everyone still expects me to help with their interests at the loss of my own hobbies.

If some problems are so difficult I would advice you discuss your problems with the Job Centre or even look for retraining in some other type of work. Even if you have to take on work that normally you would not do, to find work When in work is easier than sitting at home. Sometimes voluntary work may help. It is just to keep your hand in. In that way yuo may be able to retrain as yuo look for employment.

Any other problems or concerns, cut each problem into small pieces, deal with those small  bites of each, when stuck move onto the next problem, do not stay on the problem you are stuck on, move to the next small bits again etc smaller bites are easier to sort than looking at a problem in its entirety.

It is very important you do talk and communicate with your relatives, regards the deaths.

You need in many ways be able to keep the brain working and not dwell on yesterday keep busy and live for the day when possible or yo will become stale and employers will notice that

BOB

Ben take your medications

If in the UK you do not need to pay for CBT, look for mental health day centres, they can sometimes give CBT in a rationed way until you get your NHS Treatment

BOB

Thanks all for the replies so far, I appreciate it.

I feel I should explain my situation in a bit more detail...

The deaths I spoke of were not a close relative, I don't mean that to sound callous or like it wasn't a contributing factor to my current state of mind, a friend who was about the same age as me (not a close friend, but someone who was part of my social circle and who I cared about) died about 2 years ago very unexpectedly from a heart condition, like me, he was overweight, stressed and not very healthy. That was part of what triggered my sudden all-consuming fear of death, it became imminent and a lot more real. We also recently lost an elderly relative in the family in a horrible way through a long drawn out disease, watching them suffer was also part of the trigger.

In terms of my work/career, I feel that is the main problem, the biggest issue by a long way for me solving my situation. I've worked for myself/run my own business for most of my adult life, at least 15 years now. Until recently I have felt I was utterly useless after everything has gone wrong with my career, I am trying to work on my self esteem as I actually, when you look at it on paper, am a massively skilled person, I've done things that a tiny handful of people in the entire World have done and in my twenties I felt like I was invincible and heading for massive success.. my problem is that I am VERY highly skilled in very specialist areas that only working for myself can really utilise. There is no external company that can really employ me and use my skills, if there were there certainly isn't one within 3hrs drive of my home.

I feel totally trapped and useless where I am... I am unable to support my family despite having all these skills because there is no work nearby I can do, my wife is working full time AND studying at university, my daughter is in a school she loves, we can't move house for me to try and find what would probably be very low paid specialist work elsewhere.... I am trapped at home trying to run a small business that is taking up 60+hrs a week of my time but earning about 70% or so of the money I need to support my family.

I'm on a treadmill and I can't get off.... I have to keep working more hours than exist in the working day just to keep our heads above water but I need time to stop, work out what my skills are, what I actually want to be doing, what I could be doing, maybe get extra training.... but these things take time and money and I have neither so I stay and the treadmill just runs faster and faster.... the ONLY way out is for us to suddenly get a windfall of a chunk of money... but there's no way that's happening any time soon.

I have not had a single day... a single hour where I have not been worried about our imminent bankruptcy and being thrown out on the streets in at least three years now... it has been utterly constant... we have just had financial disaster after financial disaster... I have always considered myself an entrepreneur and I am a massively creative person too... I have launched three companies and about 8 new commercial projects in the last 6 years and every one has failed horribly, been forced into liquidation due to the mistakes of an incompetent accountant or made a tiny fraction of the income everyone in that industry thought it would.

I guess I've got to the point where... having just picked myself up again and tried the next thing every time I got knocked down year after year for the past 15 years... I have finally just decided to stay down. I have no ideas left, I've spent SO long thinking the next project, the next idea is the one that is going to work and we'll finally have the life we deserve, that I have kinda now just had this moment of realisation that this success is never coming, I can't risk taking any more chances, I can't risk trying any more of my ideas or launching anything new.... I just have to accept I made the wrong choices 10 - 15 years ago and those can't be reversed or remedied now, I am destined to never have any commercial success and have to just accept that and find a way to just survive financially with no joy, or happiness, or hope in my life until I die... that seems to be what destiny has in store for me.

5 years ago if I heard anyone else talking like that I'd have kicked them up the ass and told them to stop being SO damn melodramatic and just get on with trying something, but I just feel SO beaten down now that I have no interest, no motivation in anything... life just seems like one massive unfair piece of cr*p and if life won't play fair with me, I don't want to play any more.

That sounds like I feel suicidal, I don't, never have, the idea of suicide has never made any sense to me and I still feel that any life is better than no life.... but I just don't know how to live with a life that is so awful and having no hope at all of it getting better.

Right now I should be working, I have 30+ customers shouting at me to do stuff for them they've paid for... but I have no motivation, I just don't know how to get out of this hole so why should I bother starting to climb?

I also have no friends nearby... we moved away from where I grew up about 8 years ago and I have no time or money for any hobbies or leisure and I know no one at all here so I have no friends to talk to, no one to go for a drink with... just me, here, alone and thinking about death. I used to have hobbies that were the focus of my life, that I cared about more than anything.... but again, to be involved in them means giving up a load of time and having a load of money for equipment that I don't have and don't see me having any time soon... I even used to have creative hobbies I could do at home that didn't cost much, but those too take a load of time and I can't spare any time to do those so I have no enjoyment or personal time to work on those.

Anyway, sorry, that turned into another massive rant.... I guess I've been looking for somewhere to talk about all this and haven't found it yet.... it's nice to be able to just let it out.

I've had mixed advice on the meds.... yes, my Dr prescribed them after I filled in a 1-side questionnaire about my emotional state... I must admit, I don't trust my Dr and that's partly why I am seriously questioning the prescription.

I am not sure if I want to go through weeks of side effects (especially given how mad my life is and how I have no time spare to deal with anything like tiredness or sickness) just to see if they help in any way... I honestly can't see how they can help... I honestly feel like I SHOULD feel like this, my life is cr*p and making myself feel artificially happy isn't going to help motivate me to fix it.

I guess that's part of the anxiety... I analyse everything in infinite detail all the time.... I can see the disaster scenario from every decision before I make it so it's safer to avoid that situation or not make that decision... especially given my luck the last few years, everything that could possibly go wrong, even things that had a 90% chance of success, have gone wrong... so better not to take the risk of anything else going wrong and making things even worse or harder to get out of than they already are.

Also, the side effects say you need to not drive for 3 days when you start taking the medicine due to drowsiness... which is great but I have to get up at 6:00am to drive my wife to work every day or she'll lose her job and we lose our house... so there is NO point in the next few years where I can stop driving for 3 days.

This cathartic exercise has not worked :-) I now feel worse having explained the situation :-)

Just to add... I bit the bullet (probably a good metaphor) and took the first tablet today... gonna at least give it a try...

I started on that same medication15 years ago because of years on and off of anxiety. It really helped.  I would recommend you try it.  I didn't have any side effects.   It's worth the try. If it doesn't help after about a month you can alway stop.  Just don't quit cold turkey.   Talk to your Dr. if you want to stop and they should very gradually reduce the meds.   Very important to remember - "what you think determines how you feel"  so pay attention to what you are thinking and telling yourself. Stop negativity and tell yourself good things. Stop the worry.  Think good thoughts.  This will make you feel good.  Also look up " tapping "on the internet and try that. 

How is it going? You need a comprehensive approach in treatment for depression. If you combine medicines and psychotherapy, you'll feel much better soon. A few sessions of psychotherapy might work for you.Just talk to your GP or psychiatrist about it. Our life is short, enjoy every moment of it!

Thanks again all

To reiterate, I do have an initial phone session/assessment session booked for February which is the earliest they could do anything for me on the therapy front... it's at least a three to four month wait to get any kind of help at present and adult depression is not considered a high priority.

I started on a half tablet dose per day instead of the full 1 tablet to 'ease' myself in as I wasn't sure about the side effects and my need to drive every day given some of the stated side effects...

I am guessing it was the placebo effect but I actually felt mentally MUCH better within 24hrs and have actually felt very positive and been working on fixing various things in my life this past week since I started... I have had a bit of a setback today, woke up feeling inexplicably down and then had a financial setback which has got be very worried again.

I am upping the dose to the full tablet this week, will see how things go.

I have had some mild side effects so far, hoping they don't get worse when I up the dose.