Shouldn´t I just go to school?

Posted , 4 users are following.

Hey everyone

About a week and a half ago i got something like a panic attack in School and then went to Hospital and was hospitalised for 2 days due to strong suicidal thoughts. My psychiatrist prescribed me something in the hopes it all gets better and I can go to School. And the first 2-3 days it kinda worked, I felt overall better than before. Then we went a bit higher on the dosage and since then I´ve felt pretty negative an every time I only briefly think about school or something connected to it, I start hyperventilating, I get chest tightness and numbness in my limbs or tinglings..I feel like I might pass out. You see, I don´t know why this is happening. I want to go to school and it´s been already almost 2 weeks since I last was there, been staying at home due to being unstable and all, but really I feel a bit guilty for doing so, cos it´s like hey, i have to deal with my problems, right, i got to get better… At the same time I am not hard on myself, but I´m thinking like...can´t I just push it and go to school? I mean, shouldn´t I.. Because I am low energy and all due to the anxiety and I can get higly suicidal at any moment, but it´s been already 2 weeks and maybe it´s not such a big deal at the end if I just go… I mean I don´t know. My psychiatrist told me she could give me another note for more time but I feel like maybe I´m being too weak with myself, maybe I can do more so...I don´t know, I really don´t..

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    First, you know that it's very difficult if not impossible for someone without access to your lab tests, history, and examination to give you advice.  So consider this as just some general comments, part of a relaxed conversation between friends.

    We don't know your age or what level you are in school.   If school is causing the anxiety and you have been absent for several weeks, then it would seem that you are virtually forced to withdraw for this semester/quarter.  However, if that is not the case because you are still in high school/secondary school, you cannot easily "withdraw."  I understand.

    Do you have the option of taking fewer or less taxing classes?  It seems to me totally avoiding that which causes you stress is not the optimum situation... that's your sense that you need to face up to things and go back, right?  But what can you do to change the circumstances at school that is causing you the anxiety?  Is it the classwork?  People?  Surroundings?  Have you been able to identify the cause more specifically?

    There's no reason for you to feel "guilt" or set up a scenario where you feel you "must" do anything.  You have options... it may take you some time to find them and decide what to pursue, but each baby step is a positive move for you.  Be content with those baby steps and view them positively.

    It's okay to be aware and thinking about things... but recognize that there is no magic wand.  No one expects you to take a pill and be okay.  You don't have to be suicidal to know this... many of us with simple depression or bad moods know that it's just one day at a time, little by little.  It's okay if you are not sure how to sort through it all, but your desire to sort through it eventually will win out.

    We all have different schedules, so don't set up arbitrary deadlines for yourself.  Give time for the meds to work.  Work with your doc to establish goals and methods that will help you work toward them.  What would be positive for you to accomplish this week?  Let next week, next month, next year evolve... work on this week!  Keep track of your goals and consider them, as well as your treatment, carefully.  In some ways, we must be our own expert.  There's no need to argue with a doc or adviser, but consider their advice along with your own gut to find the balance.  Balance is important... you are not all right or wrong.  None of the advice is all right or wrong.  Find the balance and apply it... adjust it... almost every move is worthwhile.  

    That's why you should avoid letting a misstep or ineffective tactic distress you.  If you don't make a misstep every now and then, you are not trying enough little things.

    By now, I hope you know that you don't have to end your life.  Please don't be frivolous in considering such a thing as you sort through your life issues.  We all experience complications... but complications are the life tools we utilize to help us learn.  When we are young we get to solve smaller complications, as we age that gives us the ability to solve bigger complications.  Soon, they are no longer "complications" because they just become part of our day to day life... we avoid them in advance, defer them, ignore them.

    Again, I don't know what level you are in school, so I'm limited in offering alternatives.  But I can see that you are aware... you can organize your thoughts... you recognize that directing those thoughts to an end conclusion is not simple... you seem to be working out problems.  My friend... that is not a picture of a person whose options include ending life.  You are beyond that... you got this!

    Continue to reach out, okay?  Ask here, ask "there," and if you need to create a dialog ask me.  

    Good luck,


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