Since being on citalopram

I started on 10mg 14 months ago and quickly went down with what I thought at the time as a bad case of the flu even "man flu", but this was worse and lasted over 3 weeks. I have never had anything similar before or since.

I believe it was a combination of reasons. Yes, it was partly a virus/bug that I picked up what kicked it all off, but also partly symptoms exaggerated by Cita (in a kind of side effect kind of way) and looking back I realise (now) that it was my body too. It had decided enough was enough, it was battered, bruised, overstretched like my brain and just gave in, crashed and then shut down! Most of the time if I wasn't in bed I was under the "downstairs emergency duvet" feeling weak and drained, I must have used half a forest in tissues and several jars of moisturiser for my sore runny nose!

As I have mentioned here before I could not tell what were side effects and what was down to this 'flu'. I was in such a bad state I thought bad things so much so, that when I started feeling not so cr*p I then began to get paranoid about my health and that I had other things wrong. My Doctor, understanding such illnesses and symptoms with these "stickng plasters for the brain" gave me a medical reassured me everything appeared fine and I was at a particular stage in the early days of my relationship with Cita. However, bless her, she did send me for all kinds of tests, ECG, scans etc. Fortunately, apart from a bit of weight gain I was pretty fit seeing my head and then body had brought me to my knees. I had broken down several times in her surgery since I finally admitted I needed help before it killed me, but I don't care, it was all part of my illness.

As many will advise you here, keep reading and posting to this life saving forum, keep in contact with your Doctor (who, hopefully, knows what they're about), but please remember that as an individual you may not experience symptoms that others will nor, if you do, the intensity that some do. However, there are enough of us here to cover everything that is happening to you.

Also try and be positive (we know it seems impossible at times), but do your best as you go with this. Try not to over think, accept that Cita takes a while to work and do not look inside to find what is wrong as the answer is usually not down to us, but other things outside or beyond our control. Like work (as was with me), society, what we read, watch, eat, drink, breathe etc., etc., etc. Exercise, lifestyle including diet are important, in my case I removed myself form that and those that made me ill, at that was my job and some of the people under my management and some of those above it.

As I come out the otherside and on 40mg (it has been gradual process for me for various other reasons - but hey sh*t happens!) I realise I am aiming for a better place to be and not wanting to be "normal" again if that was what "normal" was! In fact we shouldn't kid ourselves there is no such thing as "normal". I am neither wanting to be myself again because if I do, it'll surely kill me! I am on a better road to a better me with better friends, a beautiful Fiance (who knew little of such illnesses, but along with me has learned) and Okay I may be out of work, but I am starting to look for part-time work that'll bring in some money, but won't take me back to being "normal".

Keep in touch with the forum no matter what the question (we've all been there don't forget), keep posting and hold on to yer positivity it'll come in handy!

Welcome to the Club!

Best wishes,

David