So, I'm going completely nuts

Posted , 12 users are following.

Hi girls (and any guys brave enough to be here)

I am 45 years old and I am not officially (self diagnosed) nuts.  having woken up this morning so sad that I felt suicide is a good option I decided to google me, myself and I.

I had a hysterectomy due to fybriods and schizophrenic and heavy periods 2 years ago.  Ovaries lef tin place.

My mother and grandmother both suffered excruciating menopause (requiring psychiatric stays) and it looks like i may be on the same road. I have been to the doctor who says that my bloods show no signs of menopause so (kindly go away) 

I am so say and down that I can hardly get up, I lay on the couch on my day soff and cannot get energy to do any more that fend for my needs, my partner is great and really understanding. I work two days but two long days so all others im off.. im so down that all i feel like doing is crying.

i feel anxious and this busy mind, clatter, 

The clatter and sadness are my worst symptoms, others i keep under control, i.e sore boobs, headaches, sleeping badly, with diet, but the clatter, oh my Go*,,,....... I relive every bad decision ive made in my life every day, it just wont go away, I feel such remorse and guilt for everything, decisions I made which I now go over 1000 times a day. Ive hardly room for anything else, its why im so tired maybe,. 

Any help please... ?

2 likes, 21 replies

21 Replies

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  • Posted

    I'm so sorry to hear you've been feeling so unwell. It certainly sounds like you've got some hormonal stuff going on. The anxiety can get bad in perimenopause as a lot of these ladies on here will tell you. Can you chat to your Mum and see if you can identify with her and at least you will then know you're not nuts. It can certainly feel that way at times. I would suggest seeing another Dr, perhaps a female one and explain exactly what you've said on here. If you can't bring yourself to say it then print off your post and show it to her. In the meantime have a look at the suggestions on here re vitamin and minerals which can help some people enormously.  B6 and B 12 seem to help a lot of ladies.Also, eating a clean healthy diet will also help and maybe give you something to focus on. I find a walk in the fresh air is really the best thing so maybe try that too. If you need help and support, come on here it's so god to know you are not alone. Hugs to you xxx
    • Posted

      Thank you,

      My mum and grandmother are both passed sadly, both very young, my grandmother was younger than me and died from a heart attack induced by mania (I recently got her death cert), so I fear that I may be on the same road as her.

      I  have a good diet which does keep the physical symptoms at bay somewhat, but its the mental things which are my concern, its new to me (1.5 years) I know im not schizophrenic or mania as I am a forensic psychologist and know mental illness well (beleive me ive had some self checking going on) 

      I feel right now that if i take enough pills my clatter will stop and i can be at peace. 

       

    • Posted

      Oh gosh....just seen your job!  No wonder!!!  Maybe you are suffering from burnout?  Have wondered the same about myself....very similar line of work to yourself.  Perhaps an occupational hazard combined with hormones?!! Try not to concern yourself with family history or you will convince yourself you are going down the same route.  But there is no reason why you should.  Try and be positive.  More likely to be stress and silly hormones! Xx
    • Posted

      Oh bless you. I'm sorry to hear about your Mum and Grandmother. Definitely get along to a sympathetic GP . Xxxx
  • Posted

    Hi there,

    So sorry to hear you're feeling so sad.  I can't claim to have had experience of what you are going through, but have you ever tried CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy)?  I haven't actually, but have seen one or two counsellors in my time, actually three!  All of whom have really helped.  Sometimes it's just good to talk, but it seems to me that if you are reliving what you say are bad decisions over and over again, it's no wonder you feel so mentally exhausted.  Perhaps you could seek help to look at changing the way you look at things?  But please go easy on yourself, don't beat yourself up, and try and just find pleasure in the smallest of things for now 😊.  Take care x

    • Posted

      Thank you, i have spoken to someone, it hasnt helped really, its feeling so sad that life is unbearable soemtimes. 

      But I do feel better after ebing on here, seems many women get this anxiety and sadness peri menopause, so I think maybe im not going nuts, maybe i need to balance my thoughts a little better.

      I do feel under a little more strain than most, as i work in the metal health arena and should be able to handle it muuch better, ?

       

    • Posted

      Gosh I understand! Had some of this going on the last 6 months...it's much much better now....so i believe it passes as our hormones start to settle down. I've had a lifetime of memories flash back to me...some i thought I'd forgotten. Honestly what I've learned to do is pray. Take every single memory to God and ask Him to heal it. Yes I'm a Christian, my husband is a minister, so he's always on hand to pray. Whether these are real issues, or just hormonal imbalance, that what I do. Been suicidal too, on the floor crying & crying for no reason. I've been so low in a pit of blackness I thought I'd never return from. But hey-ho things have improved & I know will keep improving. Even if it's not as quick as I'd like. You are not your Mother or your Grandmother! You are unique, you may have a rough time of it but you will come through stronger. I'm going to pray for you xxxxxxxx
    • Posted

      thank you Brim, I do appreciate that, I am not religious so much but have had a word with the man himself this morning...!

      I do look logically, (dads traits) and know I will be fine with right treatment etc, just hard when you want to cry and feel sad for everything to think positive in that moment, I do feel so much better, just was in the black pits this morning,

      xo

    • Posted

      Sometimes looking after others..ie your job....takes its strain on oneself.  I am the same, stressful job, see some sad, tragic, awful things and because you are surrounded by it 24-7 at work, it feels like it is the norm.  but it isn't!  I try to surround myself with lovely things when not at work.  nature is wonderful for lifting the spirits 😊.  Hang on in there xx
  • Posted

    Totally feel your anxiety and I'm not scizophrenic and as you can see for some replies so do other ladies. Therefore you could conclude this is part of the menopause, a change that all women go through. Of course your family history leads your thoughts down the panic route but again many of us women are ' panicked' during this time without family history. Why would your career route make you more able to self treat, I'm sure you are excellent at your job but when it comes to ourselves that's another story, even consultants need to see other consultants and often within the same field! It's no shame, it's just sensible. Try not be so hard on yourself, be kind and value yourself, this is the time for that. Keep searching for more information, I've only been on here 1 month and I feel so much more at peace, as is said its good to talk and of course to listen. Onwards and upwards, we can do it together!
  • Posted

    Hi carpediem

    I'm sorry you are going through this. I wish I could take away your pain. Suicide is not the answer to your problems. 

    I have depression and anxieties myself and yes my menopause has been up and down at times. I am on medications i take zoloft, ativan, trazodone for sleep, I am also diabetic, and I take metformin, I have low thyroid and I take lvothyroxine, i also take one blood pressure pill losartan, i take vitd3 and a multivit. 

    Yes at times it is hard on me but I pull myself through this, you can do talk to your doctors have your thyroid checked if it is low that can make you tired, take some vit b6 and b12 or an iron pill maybe your iron is down just talk to your doctor and see if you can get yourself a therapist. 

    Things will be okay just hang in the big hugs to you and my prayers too. 

  • Posted

    I completely sympathise with you as I have had similar thoughts in the recent past. Please go to your doctor asap and tell him about your low mood and suicidal thoughts. Things will not be better immediately but it's a start and there will be light at the end of the tunnel. All the ladies here will be a wonderful support but you need medical intervention also.
    • Posted

      Thank you Angel,

      Although I may have these thoughts I would never for a moment carry them out, I was just saying that ive felt the best way to solve the emotional pain would be to end it but I know thats just a permanent solution to a temporary problem, I have lived though a family suicide and would never dream of doing that to my kids..... but thank you so much, and everyone on here...xoxoxo

    • Posted

      Lots of good wishes to you. Have you tried mindfulness at all. That can be helpful in dealing with the constant turmoil of going over things in your mind. It takes some time and practice but could be worth a try. Xx
  • Posted

    Hi there, so sorry you are feeling so down, I would have the odd day of feeling awful then next day fine, usually followed by a period, not a problem for you but of course your hormones will still be going up and down.  Please, please, if you are in the UK and feel that bad talk to The Samaritans, I am sure they will be able to help.

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