So indecisive.

Thanks Richard. I know you are right. Although this sort of thing started way back over 40yrs ago, I have become a lot more confident in myself since being left on my own. This is very disapointing as I thought I had overcome it. I don't respond well to being put under pressure & being asked "are you coming or not?" is putting me under pressure. She has depression herself, so I thought she would understand a bit more. Thanks for your reply.

Aww, such sweet advice for Lee.

Way to go Laura!

I'm just curious, how old are you gals, I have been going through the same craziness since 2004!!! After the birth of my last child I think I went right in to menopause. I am so exhausted from this, I hit a point where if I don't want to do something.... I don't and I won't ! I don't care who likes it or not.

Yes Lee try to take Laura's advice, as it is good advice. But I had enough. I have push myself many times. Tried to balance my thoughts, know exactly what's right and what's wrong, I have no answers but I'm done with pleasing and feeling what I should do!

Let me also tell you I was always the life of the party ...first one there, last one to leave, as you can see I did a total 360 degree turn around!

I am a bit relieved to know...I am not alone.

Just wondering how long you guys have been dealing with this.

As it is 12 years for me now!!!

I only found liberation about 4 years ago!

Love all you gals on this forum!

Thank you for all your great advice!

Without you knowing it, You all have become my best friends!

Hugs, Maggie xo

thank you maggie! good people always find eachother. thank God, right? my problem with going out...even to a grocery store....started in my late thirtys -and early fortys. i just could not do it. plain and simple. but i was terrified that i was going to get worse, so then i considered to join my boyfriend to his best friends birthday party. i was nevous for two weeks, hoping the party would be cancelled for some reason, or perhaps maybe i would die somehow, and not have to go. so, i went, and it wasn't exactly comfortable. i kept running to the bathroom, or running outside to smoke a cigarette, always running around, hoping that for once in my life i could somehow disapear. but then i ran into a very sweet couple, and they were so nice to me, i felt so much better. its good to have some support. and after the party my boyfriend thanked me for going. i felt proud of myself, and that helps a lot! then came a wedding to go to. i said absolutely not! but did give it a try. it was horrible. everyone was like, "are you okay, you dont look so good". my eyes were bugging out and i had this horrid grimace, and was sweating, and white as a ghost! halfway through, my boyfriend said lets go outside for a break. we got out there, and he smiled and said, "wanna escape?" i said oh yeah! so we ran to the car and drove off. no one even noticed. i was pleased with myself for even trying to go out. even if it didn't work out great, but as i mentioned before, it really was good practice. so then, came a christmas party, and well, that was a difficult time until i met this nice woman and just consentrated on her. forgot i was even at a party. you see, we cant predict the future..it could be success, or an epic failure. but i was getting used to the idea of going out. dont get me wrong, when there was opportunity to say, no way..i did stay home and didnt beat myself up. and now i go grocery shopping with my guy maybe once a month, and i always treat myself to a little something. maybe a magazine, makeup or even a pastry. i always awarded myself for doing it. truly, it does get better. the more you do it, the easier it gets. just very hard to start. but it can be done. my guy and i went out last month for a bite to eat, and then visited some bars, and i had the best time from start to finish! you see? you just never know.

i am turning fifty four next month. so its NEVER too late. i am going through menopause and i hate it. i always feel un comfortable in my own skin. plus, my best girlfriend (only girlfriend) died. life can be very short. anything can happen. so now, i am kind to myself and do my best, and life is a little better. especially when you reward yourself with something! take care, and good luck! very truly yours, laura

Laura,

Wow!

I'm going to be 54 next month also !!!

When did all this start for you?

Maggie xo

Also I lost my sister (2 years ago this Sept)

To suicide. As you well know.... I know that heartache. I will never be the same.

Maggie

Xo

Hi Laura. Thanks for your inspiring replies, I don't wish this on anyone else, but I suppose it's good to know I am not alone in this. Just a couple of bits of info I should have mentioned, I am 66 yrs old & have had poor health for over 30yrs, mainly arthritis, gout, fibromyalgia & CFS. I am separated from my wife for 11yrs, but we are still close, in fact the break is with her & her mother, who I get on with very well.

?I know I will be looking for a way out of going, which is quite unfair really. I will also probably change my mind 50 times in the next week [we go next Friday] Thanks to you all for your support, it really means a great deal to me. Lee

hiya maggie!

i just got back from psychotherapy. i go twice a week. hey! are you a leo or a virgo? i'm a leo.

so, my depression started when i was 7 in second grade. yeah, i was done with everything. begged God to take away the big black cloud over my head. i was always sick and missed a lot of school. plus i was learning disabled and dyslexic. back then i was just told that i was a poor student, and always got in trouble with those nuns and my family. i hated life. i became anxious, and was afraid about just anything. then i learned all about drinking, and smoking weed. suddenly i was having some fun. i was 13-14 years old then. life of the party and you name it, i did it! i was self medicating. as many people do who suffer from depression. but by age 22, it just wasn't working for me anymore. so, i went to a psyciatrist, was put on meds, and felt good for once. first time i was ever content, and had hope. well, sometimes meds just stop working, and i tried so many others. i was depressed, but i was functioning. i wasnt going to ask God for more help, because i was learning about myself and learning to be satisfyed. my family was so ashamed of me. they always made me promise to NEVER EVER let anyone know. so, that made me feel like a bad person. that went on for a few years, and then this doctor i saw told me i shoud get shock treatments. he said everyone is getting them. and promised me that it was safe and i wouldn't have to take meds anymore. so i trusted him. i had no idea that my life was going to change so drasticaly. they gave me so many. i have brain damage now, and amnesia, and talk about learning disabilities! i came home a different girl. i was engaged before the treatments, but was too sick to follow through. i ended up in a day program for five and one half years. i was becoming like a robot, and you know? they treated the mentally ill in a lot of bad ways. in fact now i have post traumatic stress disorder because of the treatments, and that disgusting program. so its been elevin years now. and i am finaly becoming my old self again. what a waste of what could have been the best years of my life. oh, and my family was absolutely no support. i dont think they liked me. if they ever did. and i am sincere about that. i am still with the same guy i was going to marry. but our relationship is different than before. he took good care of me, he helped me bathe, get dressed, eat, drove me to countless doctor apointments...until i could do those things on my own. i'll never be able to work again. i cant learn things, and i make mistakes all the time. i always get lost when i am driving. i am still depressed now. i am a simple girl, doesnt take much to please me. i figured God knows what he's doing, so i have to go along with it if i like it or not. but i truly love to help people whenever i can. that helps me feel that i am worth something.....not always easy.  i dont have hope any more. isn't that terrible? but, i am pleased that i am fighting this everyday, instead of killing myself. and i am slowly, very slowly trying to forgive others who did the harm. thats a tough one.!      truly yours, laura

oh my God maggie, of course you wont ever be the same. i apologize for even mentioning something like that to you. i am so sorry. you'll be in my prayers tonite....love laura

Hey, Leo

I'm a Leo too !! Lol

My birthdays the 6th! I also had my son on my 41st birthday. He's a Leo.

Thank you for your prayers. I will do the same for you !

My phone is about to die. I will text later.

Maggie xo

Hi Laura,

We have so much in common. I also had to deal with the nuns in the past !! Lol

You have been through so much my dear and it sounds like you've come a long way!!

You are very strong to have gone through so much and still are trying to help others.

Since you have God in your life Laura....you have hope!

You are on the right track.

One day at a time !

Maggie xo