So low right now; need support

Posted , 7 users are following.

I am new here in terms of posting, although I've been lurking for a while. Been depressed on and off all my life and had endless rounds of counselling, but have only been on ADs (Citalopram 20mg) since beginning of this year. In all honesty I'm not sure they're helping... seemed to be for a while, but lately I seem to be slipping back.

I am so sick of dealing with this; because it's been so long (I'm 40) I've actually lost any hope and belief that I can ever have a normal life. I've lost relationships and friendships over this, and I'm seriously concerned I'm jeopardising my job as well. I just feel so empty and tired; it's exhausting just trying to keep trying.

Is it possible to get from this to having a fulfilling life? 

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9 Replies

  • Posted

    hi km im sorry to hear you problems been so long standing have you been back to your doctor and discussed it with him i was on 20mg citalopram for a few years but you can get used to them it might be that you need to have your tablets changed as i did im on venelafaxine which works for me it might not work for everyone but at the moment its helping me ! another thing to bare in mind is cbt or as its full name is cognitive behavioual theraphy it might be worth giving it a try ! i wish you all the best david
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  • Posted

    Hi KM75

    You're not alone

    If you have been on cipramil at the start of this year and you feel it might not be doing anything for you

    I suggest you back to you're dr and talk about how you're feeling cause you may need you're dose "upped" or you might need to be on something else.

    I'm currently on cipramil

    I've been on it for 6 weeks

    I started off on 10 for a week then 15 mil for 2 weeks

    Upped it to 20 mil on week 4

    I started to get better a week later (although it was to early to tell as I still felt off here and there) I started to get back to my normal sell around 3 weeks but when I upped my dose to 20 I had heighten anxiety and felt like I wasn't my self (I just felt weird) so I lowered my dose to 15mil and I'm staying on that

    I would have 4 to 5 good days and then 3 days of feeling like I wasn't my self.

    Trust me you will get you're life back

    Just keep staying positive even though it can be so hard when feeling absolutely like S@*T

    But please go back and talk to you're dr

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  • Posted

    I'm 51...same feelings...I did leave my job!

    The Citalopram does help me thou....I started on 10 and up to 20....30 may help you...I would ask the Dr.

    I personally won't ever go over 30...but 30 may bring you back to when you were feeling a little better.


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  • Posted

    Yes. If you take just 1 min to leave your thoughts alone and go into your heart you will find love that is compassionate and loves you no matter what. I fealt the same. I still have moments of saddness at times but now i feel hopeful. I've learn to recognize my negative thought pattern that brings me down. I'm here to let you know you are a wonderful part of this beautiful Earth. You are here for a reason. May God bless you and guide you to find your treasure box within.
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  • Posted

    Thank you all. I was exhausted last night and fell asleep after being on here for a while. This morning I'm not exactly feeling good, but I realise I still have some fighting spirit, I'm not ready to give in just yet.

    I have tried cbt in the past but it didn't really work for me. I have however had some relief with mindfulness oriented practices so I'm going to make an effort to apply what I've learnt from that and work with it. Perhaps I need to up the cit too; my dr has suggested it and I guess I may have to accept that.

    Thank you all for kindness! I struggle to talk to people IRL about this (part of the problem I'm sure) so it's good to know there's a safe space for sharing.

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  • Posted

    Hi when I read your post it could have been me writing it.   I too have suffered depression all my life,  mainly low grade with some bad flare ups.  I too have lost relationships and jobs over it as well.   It's so bl...dy hard and frustrating to deal with isn't it? 

    I fell by chance into a job I quite liked which had some autonomy and no targets,  so my stress levels were quite low.  Have a look at the type of work you do and work out what is most important to you in a job and try and cut your stress levels to a minimum.   I then took up a couple of new hobbies which I really enjoyed and this helped me through the day.  

    I have had ad's and counselling over the years which have helped but sometimes it's just a case of struggling on with hope that things will get better.  In my case they have fortunately but I have had to make sacrifices to be able to keep my head above water and keep going.  It's very hard though isn't it?   I really do emphasise with you. 

    You might have to set your goals in life either lower or a bit differently from most people but it is possible to have a fulfilling life if you understand and accept this.   Accept your depression as part of your personality and find ways to work round it.  That's what I do and life is easier since then. 

    Another thing I do is understand how difficult life can be living with depression and I praise myself for doing something trivial which is hard for me but others find easy ie I don't beat myself up if I can't cope.  When I eventually crawl out of bed I don't call myself lazy,  but I congatulate myself for having got up at all.  

    I find humour essential and laugh at myself a lot when I find it hard to cope,  well it's better than crying smile 

    I hope this has helped you a bit love.  I wish I had a magic wand but I don't.   x


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    • Posted

      Thank you, and yes - it really is incredibly frustrating... I have been thinking too of switching jobs to something less stressful; it isn't so much that I myself care about the job that I do anymore (although I used to, and wish I could again!) it's more that others around me expect me to do well and have a good career. I used to be good at what I do, but the pressure of expectations have definitely contributed to my depression.

      I try and do what you do and congratulate myself on small victories - and for me too sometimes 'getting out of bed' is one of those 'things I'm proud of myself today for'. It's so hard though when you feel that there is so much you could accomplish if it wasn't for this stupid illness, and here I am seeing 'leaving the house' as an achievement! Yes, sometimes you just have to laugh about it....

      It's good to be around people who understand. I so badly want to get out of this situation and just be functioning normally, and it scares me to think that maybe that won't ever happen. You may not have a magic wand, but you have still helped. Thank you. smile

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    • Posted

      Hi I'm glad I helped a bit.   Don't compare yourself with others as you need to accept what is normal for you.  Others aren't suffering from depression are they?    It is a very draining illness but hopefully with time and help you should feel a lot better.  I have had many normal times in my life which I see as a bonus rather than a right.   No one understands the struggle that depression is unless they are a sufferer too.   Sometimes it's just a cae of hanging on by your finger tips bit I guess it is all character building.  

      That's what I tell myself anyway smile   

      We are here for you and will help and support you any way we can.  Bev x

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  • Posted

    Today I asked to be (temporarily to start with) relieved of a couple of major responsibilities at work - we shall see what comes of it. I feel calmer at the thought of not having to deal with them, even if it means a loss of prestige and career prospects. Better than losing my job altogether.


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