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So now my mother has committed suicide, I can't take anymore

Posted , 9 users are following.

mum2angelalex
mum2angelalex

I have suffered with bouts of severe depression for so long now and I have always feared it is genetic as my mother has also always suffered with no relief or cure just shovelled the pile of pills her whole life. Well those pills

have served her well as they provided her with the means to end it all 4

days ago when she took them all and ended her life. The last 10 years

of my life have been hell, my baby boy died unexpectedly , my partner

disappeared without a trace and I dont know if he is alive or dead and now my mother has took her own life. She started the process on sat night

and she was found barely alive but too late on tues covered in her own

vomit, it had taken 3 days for her to die - alone. I am so racked with guilt

and pain I am tortured. I am scared I will go the same way as I am

tormented with the same demons as the ones which killed her.

She was found with a suicide note and a pile of cash by her body

to pay for her own funeral, how sad and pathetic is that? She sent me a

letter through the post and because we had fell out I sent it back to her

unopened out of petty spite, now I know what she was planning and

I am haunted by that letter, what did she say? Hindsight is an ugly thing.

Depression is a KILLER, it has murdered my mum and is slowly murdering

me

funeral

1 like, 8 replies

8 Replies

  • sarah20380
    sarah20380 mum2angelalex

    Posted

    oh sweetheart please dont blame yourself. its not your fault ive suffered d for many yeas so feel your pain and lost my hubby 3 years ago to the father to my son. he still coming to terms with it me to, please seek help i have and im trying to et my life back on track. if you ever want to talk im here to listern hun big hugs sent your way xxxxx
  • millyimp_1322
    millyimp_1322 mum2angelalex

    Posted

    Oh you  dear sweet soul,like has been said please do NOT blame yourself for this sad event . It would seem your Mum had decided to do this whatever her reasons.It is of course so very very raw for you at this moment in time  to have fully absorbed it .Try talking with the Samaratins ,they will offer you so much help,or point you in the right direction.There are also bereavement councillors,who are also very good at listening to you and of offering their wonderful advice.You blame yourself you dear soul,yet if you had broken the fued and spoken with your Mum ,you cannot be so certain she would not have till done this sad thing.

    You are in my thoughts and in my prayers too

    Take Care

    love

    milly

    ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs hugs hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

    lots of hugs for you to help comfort you

     

  • hypercat
    hypercat mum2angelalex

    Posted

    Oh you poor darling I can't being to imagine how you must be feeling.   I just want to come round and give you the biggest hug in the world.  

    It sounds like your poor mum had been planning this for a while so you are not to blame.   It would have been a large combination of things which drove her to this desperate act and not just the fact the 2 of you had fallen out so please don't blame yourself.    If someone is determined to commit suicide they will do it and there is little anyone can do.   It is not uncommon for children to seriously fall out with parents and other family  members and they don't go on to do this desperate act to they?   

    Please learn from this how devasting it is when a loved one takes their life in this way.  You don't want to do the same thing to your children do you?   Take care sweetie and look after yourself.   HUGS   Bev xx

    Ps I am usually around so please pm anytime.  xxx

  • caroleUJ62
    caroleUJ62 mum2angelalex

    Posted

    Please please dont feel guilty, and please dont think of doing the same thing. My aunt and my husbands aunt both committed suicide, and I've known several other people who have done so throughout my life.  Nobody ever gets anything out of this, everyone loses.  It is a shockingly common thing, and I have tried to do it myself some years ago. I took an overdose of something that could very well have killed me, and got very drunk on top of it.  When I was found and taken to hospital my husband said a whole medical team were round me all night as I was in danger of being lost.

    I am so glad I didnt succeed, and maybe your'e dear mum would be if she was still here. I have health problems, I am in pain most days currently, and still havent been properly diagnosed. Its nothing dangerous, but I might have to live with it for years, and I have also suffered depression for many years, but I would still rather be here for my family's sake as well as my own.

    As others have said, please dont blame yourself, get support and help. God bless you.  XXX

     

  • elizabeth20203
    elizabeth20203 mum2angelalex

    Posted

    Hello, I am so sorry for your loss sweetheart. It is so raw for you at the moment. Guilt is unfortunately one of the things we feel in these situations. I have some  understanding that because you had fallen out with your mum how you must be feeling right now. I lost my husband to suicide and the guilt i felt was insurmountable. We argued and he beat me up, he walked out of the house then when he returned i had put the latch down so he couldn''t get in with the key, i heard him trying. He then went to the railway and was struck by a train. You know what thou your mum would of done this no matter what, it would of been a combination of things and a high percentage of potential suicides will find a way eventually. There is nothing you could of done to prevent this. Yet i do know that you will feel the guilt of this. Look  at it this way, what about all the other people in your mums life do you not think that they may feel some guilt for not keeping in contact or helping her. I hope you will get some berevement counselling, greiving as several stages to work through and thou some people get through this without help, i feel you will benefit because suicide leaves us with so many unanswered questions. We can never truly know what your mum was thinking or feeling at the time except she must of felt very desperate. Don't beat yourself up, thou i know you will for a while but in time you will learn to live with this. I had two small children at the time and looking after them kept me going. I had group therapy for berevement at the time and it really helped. Get in touch with cruse or speak with your GP. If you want to talk, pm me anytime i will get back to you. Do not battle this alone, people here care too. I don't know you but i care about how you feel.

    Best wishes.

    Elizabeth. 

  • aad
    aad mum2angelalex

    Posted

    Feel for you.

    Terrible things happen which are sometimes out of how control.

    Your mum just couldn't take the pain anymore.

    I think every day when I'm low about death and that i don't want the pain going round in my head, my head feels like it's going constantly 200 mph.

    Also my career as gone to pot , infact everything right now looks terrible.

    My marriage broke down and previous relationship due to my illness.

    none of your problems are your fault, life can be cruel always to the wrong people, I have often thought why me , why do i get the ruff deal on life when others live a normal happy life.

    I quite often think of ending my life, i get it all planned in my head, but deep down i don't think it works like that.

    your mum must of been to the point and in alot of pain.

    I can only imagine, terrible.

    I have no family support either, apperently it's all in my head, well i do have alot of uncontrolled horrible dark thoughts.

    Take care of yourself, i always wait for the better days, sometimes they take longer

    but i will persevere, eventhough i never sometimes reach the light at the end of the tunnel.

     

  • LightUpTheDark
    LightUpTheDark mum2angelalex

    Posted

    There are no words to convey how sorry I am to hear of your immense pain.

    I just wanted to say that I believe God loves you very much and that I'm sure it breaks his heart to see the pain you are going through right now.

    You're Special & Unique and You're loved more than you know.

    Josh x

    Here if you wanna talk,

     

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