So very depressed

Posted , 7 users are following.

I am bi polar depressive. I have many mental issues.

My daughter disowned me. Said I was a loser because I’m on social security disability along with food stamps.

In September my husband suffered from depression and gave up on life. Left me with everything that had to be done. He just stayed in bed and slept all of the time. All bills were way behind including rent,

We lost the townhouse we are now living in a nice hotel. He is better now.

I am an animal rights activist and I see and read a lot of horror and see terror in animals eyes. They know euthanasia is coming. My daughter hates me she won’t let me see my grandson. She is in TX and unfriended me from fb. Her new husband took down all of the pictures of my grandson.

My son is a felon. He is on parole now and we took him in until he gets back on his feet. This is another reason why my daughter won’t talk to me.

I cry every day. I go outside and cry. Between the animals that I try to help, not seeing my grandson, my daughter getting remarried and having no contact or pictures, my living situation and not having a place to live I’m down and out.

I take meds but I think I may need an adjustment. I see my psychiatrist this month.

3 likes, 10 replies

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10 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Carmela,

    I am sorry that you are going through such a brutal time, being hit on all ends.

    What is amazing is through it all you are still a loving caring person.

    I am so touched that you are involved in animal rescue and in spite of it all you still help those that are in need.

    You are making a difference in those animals lives. It is important, very important. I do trap and return with feral cats. I understand how heart wrenching rescue can be.  But, in this life all that matters is how we treat others and what impact we have on them.

    I hope so much that you have friends in the rescue community or some friendly face that you see in person.

    I am Christian and have come a long way with my depression by involving myself in my church.

    I pray that you too are spiritual and can find a church that can provide you with fellowship and spiritual guidance.

    You are in my prayers

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  • Posted

    Oh Carmela I feel your pain. I am also astranged from both my son and daughter. I have 2 grandchildren I haven’t seen for 8 years. The pain is almost unbearable. 

    I guess my only advice is to focus on what you have. You sound very loving, caring for animals can be heartbreaking but also rewarding. Stay strong. 

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  • Posted

    carmela.....

    Your post is being read by a 59 year old man who has lived a vert different life from you.  So what do we have in common?   My depression has caused me the love of my life.....my brother, a two time convicted felon (would have been more had i not had the money for the best of counsel to defend him) has disowned me....I'm too difficult to be around.  I was very sick (cancer) in the recent past...hospitalized several times during the year....and my older sister..who lives 20 miles away....refused to speak with me.  I called her twice...and she never returned the call....never called me to see how I was doing....and posted on FB to her that "My brother is doing great".....even though she would not speak to me....and had no idea of how sick I was.  My therapist demanded that I see him twice a week or he would not see me at all.  I did that for a year.....twice a week....and it became too much and I asked him if we could cut back to once a week.....and he said "no".  I was paying him cash out of my pocket....and could no longer afford to see him.   I've been kicked of depression forums....for being too depressed!!  No one on earth...not one human being's life....would change significantly....or in any practical terms....if I were to die today.  As a result of my cancer treatments...I will never be intimate with a woman again.  In other words....I'm damaged goods.....sick.....wiith nothing to offer anyone.  (or so it feels)  

    So when i opened the laptop to read about my *favorite* topic....depression......I ran across your post.  You need to know that you are not alone.  You need to know that you worth something.  The breath in our lungs....is a blessing....even though we cannot see it as such...when we are depressed.  We see the breath in our lungs as a curse...keeping us alive....when we mistakenly believe....people would be better off without us.....(or...at least...that's how my disease speaks to me).  

    I'm sorry for my rambling.  And I apologize if I've said anything that doesn't help.  But you are not alone....and my heart is with you...even as you have touch mine.  Please take care...and know that you do not have to save the world.  Even though the weight of the world may feel on our shoulders......it's a feeling....not a fact.  

    take care

    DC 

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    • Posted

      Thank you David. I am 58 yrs old. So very sorry for your condition.

      You have much to offer others. You have a heart that cares and loves.

      I cry every day. Do you? I just feel like such a failure in life.

      Ever since my daughter became upper class she hates me. We are low income but we get by.

      I’m sorry that you lost so much in life. I know the pain.

      I’m hoping that you are not experiencing pain from the cancer. Are you taking meds for it?

      I miss my grandson so much. I will have to deal with it just like the mental illness. I have been on meds since 2000.

      The crying jags are bad.

      Hoping nothing but the best for you.

      Thank you

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  • Posted

    Hi Carmela I was wondering how you were getting on as I knew you were going to court and could be evicted.  I am glad to see you aren't on the streets.  How dare your daughter judge you!  She knows nothing of life and I hope she never ends up in a similar position to you.  

    They do say when you are at rock bottom then the only way is up and I am hoping this will be the case for you.  You say your husband is better so maybe things are starting to improve already.  Is there any news on the home issue?  How long can you stay at the hotel for?  

    Sending you lots of love and I think you are a amazing strong and lovely person and your daughter doesn't know what she is missing.  Take care Bev xx

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    • Posted

      Thank you so very much! Things are improving. This is an extended stay hotel so you can stay as long as you need to.

      We filled out an application for another townhouse so we will see what happens with that.

      This hotel is very nice. I am somewhat feeling better.

      My daughter has completely disowned me. I don’t get to see or talk to my grandson. She remarried and they are now upper class. They live out of state.

      Even though our son is a felon he is doing very well . He has a great job and he helps us financially until my husband gets his retirement social security benefits.

      I will keep you updated.

      Thanks again for caring

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