someone help me end it all..
Posted , 7 users are following.
i can’t seem to find a reason to not die, i keep wishing that something tragic would happen to me to cause me to die suddenly.. i keep wishing i was crossing a street and i didn’t look both ways and bang, a car hit me, i am dead. i keep wishing something would happen, i would be driving and a car hits mine, i have no seatbelt, i am dead. i want someone to shoot me, i want something to happen.. i want someone to put an end to my suffering.. i wish i had the guts to do it, for once in my life i may grow confidence and just end my own suffering. lately everytime i drive i feel so depressed and distracted and keep wanting to go fast until i strike something causing me to die.. it’s gotten so bad, i just want all of this to end.. i can’t see a doctor and get pills that could supposedly make me feel better.. what’s the point in being alive anymore? it’s so tiring, everyone’s using me and then they leave me.. the one i care about, he left.. i just want to runaway from everything but i can’t and it’s so tiring.. why am i even alive..
2 likes, 9 replies
deb87510 mariah2410
Posted
mariah2410 deb87510
Posted
as wrong as it sounds i stopped caring if others would care if i were gone, the way they treat me now, they are the causes of me wanting to be gone, so i am sure if i leave this earth they would get over it.. and there was one person, the love of my life.. but i can’t speak with him now and it’s killing me. he was the one person who helped me when everyone else didn’t, but i think he’s left me just like everyone else did even though they said they wouldn’t.. and i am 17, 18 in october. these feelings i feel are real as can be, and it hurts to breathe every breath when you want to breakdown into tears each time you breathe in or out. i may sound dramatic to you, and i don’t like to inconvenience others or sound dramatic but i have felt suicidal for awhile.. things just keep on adding up nowadays to the point where i am on the edge at all times. and i cannot go to a doctor, my dad doesn’t care to take me, and i do not have the funds to take my self as i don’t even have insurance.. my dad does not care for me, he lives in his own world. i got used to it and don’t care anymore but i have nobody now, the one person i trusted when i had barely any trust left has left me, i have nothing to lose..
wayne1962 mariah2410
Posted
Hi Mariah - no, what you are wishing for is for something/someone else to take responsibility for your death. And you want death because you are in pain. There seems to be no escape. But have you tried all the avenues? Why can't you see a doctor? Why not meds? The point is that you have to exhaust all possibilities for help to deal with the issue before you even think of giving up. And if you do reach that conclusion, you should not be wishing someone else do the dirty work and then have to live his/her life regretting the day "I killed that young woman."
Seek medical attention. If it is too much to even contemplate that long and, yes, difficult road, then present yourself at the emergency room of the nearest hospital and tell them you are suicidal and desperately need help. Action is required here.
mariah2410 wayne1962
Posted
hello wayne, i cannot see a doctor or get help because my i live with my dad, i am 17, and 18 next year in october. he refuses to take me to a counselor or doctor cause he doesn’t want to pay for it, i do nit gave insurance or anything and i myself have no money as he won’t let me get a job either.. if i just go to a hospital and tell them that i am suicidal my dad would kill me for burdening him with bills for it, he would literally abuse me.. so it’s out of the picture.. when i turn 18 i will probably move out but i might just be homeless since i won’t have any money, i just don’t see an outing that’s good anywhere.. and i know it’s wrong to want someone else to do the dirty work of killing me. i feel guilty to even say it but i needed to write it out, it’s the one thing that makes these thoughts feel less trapped in my mind, i just wish it would all end..
joel01648 mariah2410
Posted
kun43511 mariah2410
Posted
Mariah,
I am so sorry to hear you are going through all of that, we do understand your situation here as we are all in this sadly or at least were once there. You do seem to be at your lowest point and often time this is what happens, do you mind sharing more information? like what triggered your depression in the first place, sometimes for no reason.
It is very difficult to go about and do the usual tasks but sometimes we need to keep fighting, do you have any close family member or friend that knows about this or you can possibly talk to them about it? usually people will think it is a bad mood which is not like that at all. Have you tried seeing a therapist before or you are just assuming it won't help? If you haven't I would highly suggest you seek urgent care because you clearly need it.
Meanwhile we want to listen more from you, if you anything you want to share it with us then please do we are hear to listen to you.
mariah2410 kun43511
Posted
hi kun, to say this is my lowest point is pretty much correct.. a couple of weeks ago the one person i trusted left me, and it sent me into a spiral of why’s and what if’s.. i don’t know what has happened to him, if he’s dead or if he has just left me because i’m simply me. it was a long distance relationship to be more exact and he hasn’t replied for a while and even prior to it he seemed very suicidal, and i don’t know what’s happened and it’s really killing me. he was my rock that kept me at bay, everyone else around me constantly lets me down, the one person i face literally my everything to is basically gone.. my heart has been broken ever since. i walk around doing normal things trying to keep myself distracted and i can actually physically feel my heart hurting, like it’s torn in two pieces and it’s just being jumbled around in my chest.. it hurts so much to be alive. and not only because of what’s happened with him, though it is the main cause of all of these feelings, there are many situations in my everyday life that dwindle me down more and more. i live with my dad, he doesn’t care for me though, he refuses to take me to doctors and he is never home as he is out and about in peoples sheets, and he is having me run the his store business every single day so i cannot get another job that pays me wven decently, so that i can move out next year into another home (i am 17 now and 18 in october) i am not even financially dependent on him, i pay all my bills and buy everything from the soap for my body to the food that goes in my mouth.. and to you i hope i don’t sound dramatic, but all he is doing is using me and everyone tells me to report him but i am too scared.. everything and everyone in my life never cared for me and doesn’t know a single thing about the real me, and that one person i let myself fall for, he has abandoned me too, i see no reason to exist anymore.. and everything i just said to you is. only the beginning, but i feel like i have said a lot already.. i just wish i didn’t exist, i had dreams but i don’t see them coming true anymore, and i wanted to achieve them with the love of my life but i can’t and it’s just killing me, everything has fallen apart, especially me
borderriever mariah2410
Posted
Mariah
Where about in the world are you ? In the UK ?
Can you go to an A and E hospital and explain how low you are and why you feel so low.
I understand you must be in the USA, so we have problems in advising where you need to go for treatment. In the UK we become responsible for our own health and we can attend a Doctor in our own right. Can you do that in the States. If not your Father has a right to provide medical care when you are ill so you need to discuss with Him you need some medical care.
Whatever you decide you need help, all I can suggest is Relaxation Techniques Mindfulness and Breathing Exercises, both can be found on site or internet
I would also suggest you need treatment, medications and Talking Treatment to move yourself on.
Suicide is not a way out believe me I know, you need to consider positive options.
It is Christmas, where are you going somewhere nice, We live on the English Scottish Border and we are having a quiet time with our dog Pax
BOB
borderriever mariah2410
Posted
If you are in the USA I do not know when a person can become responsible for their own health. In the UK a teenager can visit their Doctor at sixteen and in that way they are able to take their life into their hands and get treatment
In America there must be a way to see a medical professional if you have no money too pay. I seem to remember there are hospitals there that can arrange free treatment to those who cannot afford to pay. They can also put you into the hands of other departments to help you
As mentioned before sixteen is a facilitator when people can get treatment without informing their parents. Seventeen is the same, At eighteen you are classified as an adult in most issues in the UK.
Depending on the environment you find yourself in, if you are not now covered by your Fathers Health Insurance you will need to take matters in your own hands
It is difficult for us in The UK to understand your Health system. If you feel in any danger at home because of Health matters remove yourself from your fathers home and visit the police, they should be able to put you in a place of safety and arrange a Doctor to see you
BOB