Someone Manipulating Me With Mental Health Issues

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Ok, I will try not to make this too long, as its quite a strange thing that has happened to me.........

Ok so I'll start at the beginning, so I use a dating site to find a girlfriend and a relationship. So probably early July some girl messaged me, and I liked the sound of her and she was pretty so I started talking to her via this dating site, via text and facebook. So all in all it was going pretty well, I think we met up for a drink after a few weeks, still it was going pretty well, we talked a bit more. And then I had to go camping for 3 weeks and I said to her, its in the middle of no where so my phone signal is gonna be rubbish, or no signal at all, she said thats fine, whenever you can text me do, so I was like yep thats fine. So when I was camping, after about a week, we had a day trip into the nearest city, and then my phone just exploded with hundreads of texts and missed calls from her, with her leaving voice messages like, "why aren't you talking to me", "theres some other girl isn't there". And she would write essays via text, of some pretty dirty stuff, sexual stuff she'd do to me, like she was trying to bribe me with sex. You have to remember this was only about half a month of us talking, and at this point, we have only met twice. So understandably, this shocked me and I was like "wow", I want a relationship, but this girl is going way too fast, I could understand this behavior, if we have been dating for a year or so, but after only meeting twice, it was too much. So I sent a reply saying "look, I have another week and a half camping, give me this time to chill, and we'll talk when I'm back", again she agreed to this, so when I got back, same thing hundreads of texts and she was trying to ring me every 2 seconds, then I noticed her saying stuff about me on Facebook, she didn't use my name but it was about me. So I thought screw this, I told her you have scared me off with all this, and I blocked her on every device I have. So that was that, or so I thought. She got a new phone after a few weeks, and text me, saying sorry etc etc, could we meet to chat things over. So I'm a nice guy I was like "fine we'll meet in a coffee shop for a chat", so we arranged to meet in a weeks time. But life being life, that week I found out my best friend back home had taken his own life. So I was in a really dark place, I had to go back home to see the rest of my friends and for the funeral. So I text her saying what happened and we would have to meet some other time, she wasn't very happy about this, and was having a go at me for breaking off this date. And again I was like "screw this, I can't deal with this right now" so I went back home, and went to the funeral.

So this is not where this story ends, I'm sorry this has turned out to be quite long, but bear with me.......

So yesterday, I got back home from the funeral, I live in a different town to my childhood home by the way. So I got back home, and all my housemates are on holiday, and I was alone in the house. And after everything that has happened I thought I better meesage her and invite her around for a cup of tea and just lay it out and tell her I don't want to see her anymore, as I thought its better telling her in person than via text. So she agreed and came over. I sat her down and was like "look I think its better we both go our seperate ways, if you keep texting me etc its going to make you worse and I don't want to mess you around, as I respect you too much to do that, I'm doing this for you, as you will be better off forgetting about me and moving on". So she didn't take to kindly to this but she accepted it.

This is where this story goes from bad to worse......

So she starts coming on to me, trying to kiss me etc, this may be my fault as I gave her a hug to make sure she was ok, so she might have taken this the wrong way. Anyway she was kiising me and I kept pulling away, saying "no this is just going to make you worse", she kept telling me its fine it won't. And then she was like "I just want to have sex with you right now, the more I'm here with you the more I want to have sex with you". I told her, it wouldn't be the right thing to do, it would make matters worse. Then she kept saying over and over, it can just be a hook-up a one night thing, then at least I can go away knowing how it felt. To which I kept saying the same ting "you will feel different in the morning, it will make things worse". To which she kept saying its just a hook-up, one night thing". So as I'm in a very vunerable state, what with my best friend passing away, and feeling very low, I eventually said "if we do it will just be a one night thing, and you'll never her from me after today" to which she was like "yea thats fine, I have done this type of thing a hundread times before last year". So we started going at it, luckily we didn't actually have sex, we were just both naked and fondeling each other. But this is the reason we didn't have sex, she said to me just before we were about to do it "So do you actually like me" and I replied "look I don't like you in that sort of way, you can't force me to like you in that kind of way". So this is where it ended, she was clearly upset and got up and left.

Still where this story doesn't end..................

So I was really upset, I thought she might get people to come over to my house to beat me up, so I had to ring a friend to come stay the night with me, as I was really upset. Anyway I was trying to get some sleep, when she text me, simply saying "hi". So I text back and said "Hey, look I'm really sorry, I didn't want it to end like this, I wanted to invite you around and do the proper thing and tell you face to face, as I hate doing it via text. I do think the best thing for us both is to move on and not talk anymore, as it will just make you upset and get the wrong idea if we do". To which she kept saying stuff like "I love you, I've never felt like this with someone before, I would never do anything to hurt you etc etc". to which I kept saying the same thing "I do think the best thing for us both is to move on and not talk anymore, as it will just make you upset and get the wrong idea if we do". To which she started having a go at me again and saying I was worse than her ex boyfriend, who appartely raped her and tried to kill her, so I was very shocked at her comparing me to someone like this, especially after last night were we have only met 3 times. I was really scared at this point, I thought if she is saying stuff like this, she might try and say I forced myself upon her or something, the thought nearly gave me a panic attack, as I am not in the right frame of mind at the minute. Anyway I just stoped talking to her, and she kept texting me, what seemed like every 2 seconds. And eventually she sent me a text saying "Its not only one friend you'll lose this year", which sent alarm bells ringing, I immediately text her back saying "Wait What?". And she replied saying she had taken a load of her mums sleeping pills, at this point I just couldn't handle it, I am really surprised I didn't have a nervous breakdown. So I kept texting her trying to make sure she was ok and to go get help etc etc. And I rang her twice and was on the phone to her, saying sorry I didn't want this to happen etc etc, I was a total mess. So I was texting and calling her for a good 2 and a half hours, which made me think, if someone did try and overdose on sleeping pills, surely they wouldn't be able to text and talk on the phone for 2 hours, so this made me think, maybe she is having me on and sayin this to get me to talk to her, which she had accomplished. And also what made me think she hadn't was when I was on the phone to her, I was like "look lets meet tomorrow in town in a nice little coffee shop and talk this over, as were both full of emotions right now, and I think it would do us both good to chat in a nice surrounding etc", to which she said "Oh I can't because I have work tomorrow", so I said "I can come meet you after work and we can get a drink then if you want". To which she replied "I can't because I have my Zumba Workout class after work, and I only have it one day a week and don't want to miss it". This is when it hit me, and I thought to myself, someone who has just told you they have taken 6 sleeping pills to try and overdose, yet their saying they can't meet tomorrow as they have work and an exercise class. Surely no one can be this nasty and manipulative to a vunerable person who has just lost their best friend. then she said she had coughed up the pills, after about two and a half hours, which made me doubt it even more. So she eventually gave me an ultimatium, If I liked her and wanted to date again to ring her by 5:45 today, if not and I don't want to talk to her again and move on, not to ring her. obviously I'm not going to ring as if someone would make something up like she did to a vunerable person who has just lost a friend, that is the worse thing ever, I wouldn't even do that to my worse enemy. But I know if I don't ring she will probably start texting me with the same type of stuff, saying she gonna overdose etc. I'm just really scared and confused, as if by some chance she did overdose, I don't think I could live with myself, and if she did make it all up, she could easily make something up about me forcing myself on her the other night.

Sorry it was very long everyone, I just really need some advice.

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  • Posted

    Hello Raradir, I am sorry about your best friend dying, I know how that feels as my husband and nephew both commited suicide. It does seem like this girl Is manipulating you and she may also have mental health problems. Your not responsible for her or her mental health so don't be drawn into this. If It wasn't you It would be someone else. You need to completely cut off all contact and stick to It. The fact that you wasn't in a relationship with this girl means you dont owe her anything. I am sure she must have family or friends or colleagues whom she can talk to and of course her GP. I know It Is hassel but you could change your phone no, thou she knows where you live. Do not answer the door If you suspect she Is ringing. You may have to deal with some initial problems If she won't leave you alone. Warn your friends and flat mates so they are aware If she turned up or If she says nasty things. Your family and friends know you so won't believe anything she says. Hopefully she will leave you alone, If she gets no response after a while she will get fed up and move on. Do not  be tempted to feel sorry for her or guilty, you have nothing to feel guilty about.Try not to get upset and concentrate on other things In your life. 

    Wishing you the best and If you need to talk anymore we are here to listen and support you.

    Elizabeth 

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  • Posted

    I think common sense tells you that something clearly is not right, however, it would be unfair to say all people who have MH issues are manipulative.  Also, I find it very unfair when I hear it's guys out for one things only, you will find there are many sex predators out there who are women, women can be equally as bad, if not worse.

    There are a lot of strange dating sites out there and sadly people who have been through very traumatic experiences.

    Keep all of the texts just in case for evidence,  personally I would change your number.

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    • Posted

      Wow she is poison isn't she?   I wonder how many men she has done this to?   I agree with Jackie that women can be as bad as men,  but the difference is a man can force (and does) a woman whereas the opposite doesn't usually apply! 

      Keep the texts as evidence,  change your number,   and do not under any circumstances contact her again.   You are not reponsible for her life - you owe her nothing.   If she does try contacting you either by phone or in person then that is classed as stalking and that is against the law. 

      It's probably best in future to avoid dating sites and concentrate on meeting girls who become friends first before you get closer.   x

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  • Posted

    Wow, that is quite concerning Raradir. If I were you, I would go to the authorities and explain the situation. I would tell them I am feeling harassed and am concern she may accuse me of something I didn't do. Ask them to contact her and tell her not to contact me or I will press harassment charges.

    That's what I would do but maybe someone else has better advice. I'm sorry you are going through this...

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  • Posted

    You should write everything that happened down and if she continues to harass you in anyway, keep a record of it. Don't rise to her, try to keep a level head, if this continues take what you have to the police. Get your friend who stayed with you to make a statement on your behalf about the night he stayed with you. Also keep any texts, voicemail/ email, make a screen shot of her fb posts. Hang in there, I suggest in future if you have to meet her only public places and always take a friend. Keep your tone civil as its obvious she's not emotionally stable, and explain as you did before you cannot continue to see her, other than that keep your distance. If she's named you on fb you can make a complaint for them to take the page down. We had to do this when someone I knew got bullied, we took down all the information, went to the police to report it, then contacted fb to ask them to remove it and inform them we had already gone to the police. Also maybe inform the dating site the girl is behaving like this. Nick. Maybe consider changing your number, although that is a pain.
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  • Posted

    Thanks for the advice everyone, I have an appointment with my University Open Door team in an hour. I just really wish she would just be ok with not seeing each other without saying she's gonna OD
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  • Posted

    Thanks for the advice everyone, I have an appointment with my University Open Door team in an hour. I just really wish she would just be ok with not seeing each other without saying she's gonna OD
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  • Posted

    This is what she text me last night, what she wants me to do today.....

    "Ok well if u chose to want me call me and if u don't want me don't call don't even call to say u don't want me after everything tonight please respect that of me not asking for a relationship I wanted to cuddle u and go extremely slow as in start of with me only supporting u and then going from there night cxx"

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  • Posted

    Ok a quick update, incase anyone wants to know. I just had a meeting with my University Open Door Team. It was good to talk to them, and they agreed that its not a very nice thing for her to do. They gave me the same advice most of you gave, about keeping all the convosations. So I said to them I'm not going to ring her at 6:46, so this means hopefully she'll know I don't want to continue, she told me if I don't ring, then thats that, and not to ring to tell her I don't want to continue, just don't ring. So thats what I'm going to do, then if she doesn't message me or ring the entire night, tomorrow moring, everything is getting blocked or deleted (except the texts and stuff, incase I need them). But they said if she does message me, just be blunt with her and tell her thats that, and please don't try to contact me anymore, and if she threatens her life or anything tell her that thats a very serious threat and because I'm worried I'll have to inform the police, hopefully though it won't come to that.
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  • Posted

    She just rang me

     

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  • Posted

    Yep she just rang, so I answered surprised, I said "I didn't think you were going to ring" she said "you were suppose to ring me" I replied saying "well you said if I made my mind up about and I din't want to see you, not to ring, so I wasn't going to ring". "she said "well I'm on my way home, I can either turn right and go home, or turn left and see you" I said "go right, I have made my decision, and I'm sticking by that, I know its tough but thats it", I've stood firm I told her if she likes me as much as she says she does she will respect it, its sounds like she hasn't, but I'm standing by this.
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