Spouse of TKR thoughts

Posted , 10 users are following.

I read all of the discussions with interest not one person mentions their spouse, who if like me carries the concern in silence: I thank you all for this discussion group who have shared there experiences pain and suffering: Its good to know that you are all in the same boat, my hubby goes from positve to negative from happy to down right miserable; we own a guest house and are on a very short recovery period due to the nature of the job but I worry about him none stopI just thought as a career Id say thank you for sharing, when we are having a bad day I rush to this site 

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  • Posted

    I guess people come to vent their frustrations their successes etc to help other people ..also our spouses really don't have a clue what you are going through, unless they have been there, so to chat to someone who is going through the same is extremely beneficial...and hope we can help along the way.

    also I've been doing this for over 20 years, and your closest families get sick of hearing it.

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    • Posted

      Mary, I'm 5 wks and my family has seen me walking around with the cane and it seems to me the perception is: "Well, he is tough and it wont be long."   If I had it to do over I should have faked it and screamed with every step ha ha... just kidding.  I don't know that they will take me seriously after say 10 wks.  I know I'm going to give this new joint EVERY opportunity to heal correctly.  Note: My parents are not included as they are,  well, my parents.  You could not ask for better.
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  • Posted

    I can understand very well your husband's mood swings. . we all feel like that I think.  He's lucky to have you to care for and about him!   My husband has been very good too, putting up with my mood swings in the first few weeks and trying to help although when it came to anything to do with cooking he is a fish out of water!  I was telling him how to roast a chicken, and thought the easiest would be just to use a stock cube . . so he placed the wrapped stock cube on top of the chicken and said   "like this?"  Glad to be able to potter around in my kitchen again!  It's difficult with a business to run . . i hope he soon feels better and the mood turns to positive always! 
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  • Posted

    You have raised a very good point here Lesley.

    The problem here is that because all people are different, we all adopt different mechanisms for coping with adversity.

    This is particularly true of pain management and our inability to do certain things that previously were no problem to us at all.

    We men have a tendency to become frustrated when we are faced with the reality that we have now got certain physical limitations placed upon us that previously were not there.

    Women on the other hand do appear to be able to cope better with that side of things and just get on with life.

    Where you husband is concerned I dare say he originally thought that he would recover from his TKR surgery quickly, and that it would not affect his day to day life too much, and when the reality set-in everything he expected went straight out of the window.

    Among his thoughts no doubt was the question of whether he would fully regain his strength and ability before your guest house reopened for the season.

    The simple truth is that he may well find himself handicapped for a while, during which time the healing process should continue, but by trying to forcing his body to work before it is ready to do so, could well increase the recovery time and also cause him signifigant anxiety in the meanwhile.

    From your perspective I can quite understand how you find the prospect of all this worrying, but if he thinks that you are also anxious, this may worsten his own attitude.

    I think that if I were you I would sit him down and just reassure him that everything will be fine in the end, but not to push himself too much in the meanwhile.

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  • Posted

    Everyone, patient and spouse alike , are individuals and handle things differently. Pain an suffering are very difficult when it comes to someone close to you and being thrown into it unexpectedly is traumatic. My wife has always been a compassionate, caring individual who will do anything she can to help. When I 1st started this journey over 12 yrs ago she couldn't understand the sleep problems and thought I should just stay in bed and I would go back to sleep. Finally she realized the pain was real and let me work through it as best as I could. The fear of the unknown is the hardest part of this operation. As far as the narrow window.....this just is a recovery that can be programmed regardless of what the drs want you to think......push too hard and you'll have a relapse. It takes a combination of excercise, rest, hydration and nutrition. Please don't attempt to put yourself on a calendar, clock or any other schedule or you are going to find yourself becoming depressed and discouraged. One other thing.......refrain from listening to those who haven't been through it being advisors. They will tell you all kinds of stories about se one else's supposed progress

    We are individuals one and all. Good luck. Stay with this forum

    They will become your friends and supporters

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    • Posted

      OFG are you through the operation or has it been delayed???? I know you are hours before us where you live, but it is stillthursday over there isn't it?  Hope all is well with you!
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    • Posted

      OFG! I can't believe I'm "reading you!" I was going to post this morning that I'm thinking of our friend, OFG and hope he's doing well, then I see your post!

      How are you???? Laying in the hospital yet still giving people uplifting advice! You are quite a guy 😀

      Good to hear from you,

      Betty

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    • Posted

      Surgery went as planned. Had a pretty decent nights rest. I have a nerve block catheter in my leg so pain is minimal + a pump. The cathater comes out tomorrow. Physical therapy came in early and got me up on a chair. The plastic spacer in the knee feels kind of clunky as it shifts a lot more than the prosthesis. Will have to learn to live e with it cause its all I'll have for 3 months. One of the disadvantages of a teaching hospital.......students.......and no matter what their discipline, they all ask the same questions and make you jump through the same hoops. The good thing, all my docs are practicing professors so are well on top of things. I've had 5 docs,1resident, 3 groups of student nurses, pt and my pastor this morning and its just 11 a.m. makes Tim pass quickly. Hope you all are having a good day. Glad I didn't have to be out this a.m. It was 1°F @ 6. Supposed to be 70 Sunday when I'm transferred to thevtehab facility
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    • Posted

      Nice to have at least that part over with. Hopefully they will allow you to do some outdoor re-hab if your weather starts turning warm & sunny. To me, fresh air & sunshine is good therapy!

      Great you have your iPad to keep you connected to the outside world!

      Good wishes are sent your way for a speedy recovery & getting back home soon!

      Thoughts go out to your wife as well and hope she is doing OK in your absence.

      Betty

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    • Posted

      Thanks.

      .yesterday was harder on her than me. Fortunately our oldest was caring for her all day here at the hospital but he said she was ready to call it a day 3 hours before she was actually able. Oldest daughter with her today

      The rehab center has a nice outdoor area so will use is as they allow

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    • Posted

      Yes it can be harder on spouses, as the "patient" is out of it, while the spouse has to sit there and worry!

      I've been through it enough ( and again soon) to know how worrisome it is when your spouse is going through surgery.

      How nice you have adult children to help out and be of support. How many do you have? Do they all live close by?

      You sound good Roland - hope they don't wear you out with all their questions, ha. ( the students)

      Onward and upwards as they say a lot on this forum 😁

      Betty

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    • Posted

      We have 4 with 3 being within a 2 hr drive. The other one lives in Stockton CA. The one that was here yesterday is CEO of his own company. The one with her today has MS, single with grown kids. The youngest li es in the metro area, works out of her home. There is 13 years difference top to bottom so their life styles are fairly diverse but are much closer than the ages would suggest. The youngest will come by the hospital @night as she is only 15-20 mins away and she will transport me Sunday when I leave here.

      Sorry to hear you will have to be doing waiting room duty. Your spouse I assume

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    • Posted

      Man you are doing good.  That many people coming thru and I would be snapping at folks.  I had my own room with really nice nurses and not too many than the usual amount of visitors.   Best of luck in the rehab facility and let us know that is like. You know:  "staffed by felons" that kind of thing.
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    • Posted

      Lovely to see you back OFG! So pleased you came through on and on the mend. Hope the 3 months passes quickly for you so you can get everything sorted once and for all!

      Best wishes for a good recovery! X

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    • Posted

      When I'm feeling grumpy because the knee is paining, or the hip is clicking, or the shoulder is aching a bit. . . I think of you and realise how lucky I am.  You are really something else!
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