Spouse of TKR thoughts

I guess people come to vent their frustrations their successes etc to help other people ..also our spouses really don't have a clue what you are going through, unless they have been there, so to chat to someone who is going through the same is extremely beneficial...and hope we can help along the way.

also I've been doing this for over 20 years, and your closest families get sick of hearing it.

I can understand very well your husband's mood swings. . we all feel like that I think.  He's lucky to have you to care for and about him!   My husband has been very good too, putting up with my mood swings in the first few weeks and trying to help although when it came to anything to do with cooking he is a fish out of water!  I was telling him how to roast a chicken, and thought the easiest would be just to use a stock cube . . so he placed the wrapped stock cube on top of the chicken and said   "like this?"  Glad to be able to potter around in my kitchen again!  It's difficult with a business to run . . i hope he soon feels better and the mood turns to positive always! 

You have raised a very good point here Lesley.

The problem here is that because all people are different, we all adopt different mechanisms for coping with adversity.

This is particularly true of pain management and our inability to do certain things that previously were no problem to us at all.

We men have a tendency to become frustrated when we are faced with the reality that we have now got certain physical limitations placed upon us that previously were not there.

Women on the other hand do appear to be able to cope better with that side of things and just get on with life.

Where you husband is concerned I dare say he originally thought that he would recover from his TKR surgery quickly, and that it would not affect his day to day life too much, and when the reality set-in everything he expected went straight out of the window.

Among his thoughts no doubt was the question of whether he would fully regain his strength and ability before your guest house reopened for the season.

The simple truth is that he may well find himself handicapped for a while, during which time the healing process should continue, but by trying to forcing his body to work before it is ready to do so, could well increase the recovery time and also cause him signifigant anxiety in the meanwhile.

From your perspective I can quite understand how you find the prospect of all this worrying, but if he thinks that you are also anxious, this may worsten his own attitude.

I think that if I were you I would sit him down and just reassure him that everything will be fine in the end, but not to push himself too much in the meanwhile.

Everyone, patient and spouse alike , are individuals and handle things differently. Pain an suffering are very difficult when it comes to someone close to you and being thrown into it unexpectedly is traumatic. My wife has always been a compassionate, caring individual who will do anything she can to help. When I 1st started this journey over 12 yrs ago she couldn't understand the sleep problems and thought I should just stay in bed and I would go back to sleep. Finally she realized the pain was real and let me work through it as best as I could. The fear of the unknown is the hardest part of this operation. As far as the narrow window.....this just is a recovery that can be programmed regardless of what the drs want you to think......push too hard and you'll have a relapse. It takes a combination of excercise, rest, hydration and nutrition. Please don't attempt to put yourself on a calendar, clock or any other schedule or you are going to find yourself becoming depressed and discouraged. One other thing.......refrain from listening to those who haven't been through it being advisors. They will tell you all kinds of stories about se one else's supposed progress

We are individuals one and all. Good luck. Stay with this forum

They will become your friends and supporters