Starting Fluoxetine tonight for the 1st time...

Hi Ang

Thanks for being so caring. It's been a killer, I've struggled getting to work, getting through the day, and when I get home, really have struggled to go see Mum, it's been a bad week though. Mum's very poorly now, and last night she collapsed with mini strokes, and tonight she seems so much worse. I wonder how to get through the next day mostly. Seeing someone you love just suffer like this. Good news is she's now in a residential home and out of that hell hole hospital she was in. But tbh it's all such a shock when you have to face it, and realise that's how life ends for so many people.

I think I'd be stronger if I had someone to give me a hug when I got home from seeing her. I cant cry in front of my kids.

My worst thing is, I've been so tired, I go to bed early now, and still wake at about 2am - sometimes i cant get back to sleep, then struggle to get up at 5.30 for work. Every day I've wanted to give up, stay in bed, God only knows how I get up in the end. The feeling of hopelessness is not so strong tonight. I will always be grateful to you Ang, and to other people on here who have been so supportive and caring.

I just hope that you all get better, and stronger, and we all end up happy in the end

Thank u so much for being there. All the love in the world xxxxx

Hi Suz,

Thanks for the update. I'm sorry to hear about your mum but I'm pleased she has been moved to a better place, that last place didn't sound to good. I'm still sure that when you're with her, it gives her inner strength and happiness so good on you for being strong for her.

Do you have any siblings at all? Best friend? Anyone you can speak to about the way you're feeling? I know this site is good but sometimes you do need a hug and even though I'd love to give you a hug, I can only send you an email one :lol: so there you go!

You must be just about to start week 3 soon? Do you feel a bit more calmer? I'm just starting week 4 and feel like I'm just in a bubble! I'm calmer but noticeably slower in everything I do...speech, actions etc. :cry: which is not me as I'm usually compared to a Duracell bunny!

Have my appointment 13/03 to chat to a physciatrist so hopefully that will help and allow me to find why I'm the way I am. I'm not expecting miracles but hopefully a few answers and then look to get off these pills as soon as practically possible.

Well, back at work now and it's Monday which is naturally depressing for even the most happiest of folk! So back to putting on a happy smile and show to the world, 'I'm fine!' which in a funny way, I am right now!

Keep well, keep strong and keep in touch.

Ang x

Hi Ang

Thanks for the cuddle You're right I do need one!

I didnt realise you had been off work - back out in to the world, sometimes seems like a massive step - hope your day goes well!

You really sound like me you know - I'm a duracell bunny usually too - amybe that's what is wrong with us!

Im at work writing this so if I have to quickly go, will finish off later.

I went back to my Dr this morning, as have been devastatingly low this weekend. I honestly just feel lowest ever. I was in bits when I went in to see her, she has doubled my dose of fluoxetine to 40mg, as I've not been getting any side effects such as sickness / dry mouth etc. Only the excessive tiredness, so I have to try the double dose before they will consider changing me to something else. She reiterared everything all you guys said, that it'll take time before it starts getting better, and I am so determined to try and get out of this 'trap' Im in.

I've actaully put my name down for counselling as well - although I struggle to talk - (though you may not think it) I have listened to you, and I do want to get sorted.

Everything still seems so hopeless. My Dr wants me to take 5 days off work while I get used to the 40mg - but if you knew my work - i'd just feel guilty about being off and not be able to relax.

If I get much worse anyway, I may HAVE to be off.

Ang I do have a friend who could listen etc, I guess it's just getting out of this rutt where I feel I have to keep it all in. I dont want to be a pain to her, or any of my friends (I'll just have to be a pain to you!) He he

Defo keep in touch with me (pls) I want you to be OK too, and you do help me a lot.

I'll let you know how Im doing soon

Love always xxx

Have good day at work xxx

Hi Suz,

Glad you replied!

I think you should chat to your friend. I was on the phone the other night to a friend I've had for years and she lives up in Scotland so we chat periodically. Anyway, she said straight away that I sounded a bit weary and what was up. I didn't want to tell her as I feel semi-embarrased about being on these pills but I ended up telling her and well, it was [b:834afa5cb8]such[/b:834afa5cb8] a weight off my shoulders.

She was fab and is the kind of friend who is honest (you know, if your bum DOES look big in a dress, she'll tell you if you ask!). She listened and said I had nothing to be embarrased about. She knows my character and hit a few nails on the head. She was quite cross I hadn't spoken to her earlier about it and she wants to keep up to date will all my shenanigans now!

Something she did touch on (I think she's very wise!), was that folk like me, duracell bunny - who usually put others first and lead a busy life - therefore not really having time to digest the current here and now, and folk like me who strive to be more than they're capable of, ie pushing ourselves too hard, were the kind of folk who get stuck in the temporary rut. Obviously she's generalising but she has a few friends who have gone through similar and she said we're all quite similar to each other.

Perhaps she has a point? We try to get on with things and push ahead, concentrating on others feelings and putting others first. Things have to catch up don't they and perhaps they all catch up at once. That is where the help comes in, in many ways including these pills, counselling and talking to friends who can help, advise and give you a cuddle.

So, on all that stated above, I would speak to your friend if you trust her and know her well. [color=red:834afa5cb8]As I said before, I'm sure you'd want her to come to you if it were the other way around, so treat her the same! We all need a shoulder to cry on at some point.[/color:834afa5cb8]

Work can't be helping either as I guess you'll be putting on a face while you're there and then getting upset when you come home. So, if you are upping the dosage, please be careful, especially on your long drive to/from work, and take some days off. I would also get loadsa girly films while you're off so you can sit snuggled up and comfy. The 40mg may hit like a sledgehammer and if you have nothing to focus on whilst you're off, you may feel much worse. Just tell work you're taking 'you' time off work and you're going to do a bit shopping and decorating in the house, a fresh lick of paint is as good as anything! Just keep occupied and keep focused. [color=blue:834afa5cb8]Perhaps ask your friend if she has a spare lui day floating and do something you's haven't done for years, get your nails done, go to the pictures, go bowling, have afternoon meal with a nice glass of wine...just something to look forward too and something you think 'I haven't done this for ages'.[/color:834afa5cb8]

My mum said last week that when Paul (my partner) is on late shift next week, she is going to take me and my sister (she's only 14) out somewhere, a girly night and my dad is going to watch the little fella! I nearly fell over at the thought of dad helping out! He's a mans man and doesn't do the whole grandad thing too well! So, that cheered me up a bit and I'm now looking forward to whatever she has planned.

Well, I'm waffling again which is a good trait of mine!

I hope I've helped a bit and you also help me through this aswell as all you other kind folk who post replies and advise. We all need each other just now and we can all be ourselves on this site, as we all understand.

I must go now as I need to make the company money and be all nicey nice again, even though I could do with going to bed and sleeping forever! We're off to the pics tonight to see National treasure and I know the little fella is dying to see it, I know I'm just going to be fighting sleep!

Hi Ang

You are a darlin. God I love the thought of just gettin girly films and lazing all day and just watching them. I dont think I've ever done that you know. You make the world a rosier place.

Do you find though that you cant relax, I always tell myself I'll sit down when I've done all my jobs - but they're never done.

I am so tired tonight, I've stuck a pizza in for Loz, I've had chilli I made yesterday, Danny's at his girlfriend's all I want to do is go to bed. Cant even be bothered washing up, nothing.

Ang you have lifted my mood. I hope that you're enjoying that film babe. I dont feel like going out, or anything. I'll just rot somewhere between home, work and a nursing home!

I know we have to stay bright, and try at least to be positive, I usually do that, but suddenly I've run out of being nice, run out of helping others, I feel like i've run out of steam, totally.

I dont feel as low tonight as I have been. On top of all the other stuff there is another big problem, which involved a man I did love, but who left us July 2006, when Danny started playing up. Then we got back together last Feb 14th, and I believed all his lines... 'I'll never hurt you again.... But he more than did that, and left when my life became consumed totally with my Mum, when she needed me. It killed me to think someone could let you down like that when you needed them so much. It still hurts so much. But I dont feel depressed cos of him, I feel depressed cos of Mum and dad and losing them really. I think I just need to make up on so much lost sleep and then I'll be fine.

Im really waffling arent i? Im so tired I dont even feel like im making sense.

Pls stay in touch Ang, we can t exactly exchange emails or msn on here can we? Anyway, this is a good place to come. I dont feel like being anywhere else at the moment

xxxx

Hello!

Doc has prescribed another months worth of these pills and said that I should expect to be on them for about a year. This has cheered me up no end - NOT. I don't want to be dependant on these pills even though I am more relaxed, chilled out and mellow! I have a conselling session 13/03 so hopefully after a few of these, I'll find the root cause of whay I'm like this and hopefully look to be weaned off these pills well before 12 months. I want my head back! It's all over the place!

Well, that's my rant & rave over for today!

Went to see National Treasure last night and actually, it was pretty good! I'm feeling much more calm now as I'm approaching week 4 next week. It's scary to think that these little pills are doing this. As for the comments on the news about these don't work; have they tried them? They're working with me!

Suz - Things happen for a reason, it may not seem apparent at the time why it's happened but things will become clear in the end. This man who you thought you knew has betrayed your trust and not stood by you at the time you need him most. Well, you know what, his true colours came out and perhaps best for you now that you know his true colours, rather than finding out later. Yes, the timing is terrible I agree and now is the time you need to pull resources from your family and friends to get through this. Show him you are stronger than he thinks and who knows, a couple of month down the line, Mr Right may appear for you. I don't want to judge on why he left as I don't know you both obviously, but when my marriage brokedown, I brokedown for a bit too. I felt a failure, unloved etc etc. With help from my family and friends, (and lots of Rosé wine!) I came through it and when least expected, met a wonderful man, all man, when I went for a meal with a girlfriend of mine. 2 years later, he still stands by my terrible moods and is fab with the little fella. I'm very lucky and didn't think that when my marriage broke down that I'd ever really love or trust again.

I can never usually relax as my mind ticks over, I need to do this, there's washing, there's ironing, I need to pair up socks etc etc!!! However, when my partner was on late shift last week and Jack (my little boy) was away with his dad all week (schools closed last week), I completely cabbaged 2 nights in a row. I did nothing exept catch up on American Idol and other reality shows. (I tend to watch them just to convince myself I'm not the only daft one!) And you know what, i felt much better for it! I couldn't make a habit out of just cabbaging if the hosue is a mess but of your body is telling you to chill, then chill girl!

How's about one night you get your kids Loz & Darren together and go for a Pizza Hut together? Excuse to get out of the house, excuse to direct your mind elsewhere, excuse to spend quality time with the kids? Just an idea :lol:

Tonight my partner is off doing volunteering work which is brill so Jack & I are going to do something together! Don't know what yet but it'll probably involve Power Rangers and Lego! Tremendous!

TTFN everyone and Suz, keep up the good work!

Ang :lol:

[quote:88f7b33f09=\"Suzisue\"]Hi Ang

Thanks for the cuddle You're right I do need one!

I didnt realise you had been off work - back out in to the world, sometimes seems like a massive step - hope your day goes well!

You really sound like me you know - I'm a duracell bunny usually too - amybe that's what is wrong with us!

Im at work writing this so if I have to quickly go, will finish off later.

I went back to my Dr this morning, as have been devastatingly low this weekend. I honestly just feel lowest ever. I was in bits when I went in to see her, she has doubled my dose of fluoxetine to 40mg, as I've not been getting any side effects such as sickness / dry mouth etc. Only the excessive tiredness, so I have to try the double dose before they will consider changing me to something else. She reiterared everything all you guys said, that it'll take time before it starts getting better, and I am so determined to try and get out of this 'trap' Im in.

I've actaully put my name down for counselling as well - although I struggle to talk - (though you may not think it) I have listened to you, and I do want to get sorted.

Everything still seems so hopeless. My Dr wants me to take 5 days off work while I get used to the 40mg - but if you knew my work - i'd just feel guilty about being off and not be able to relax.

If I get much worse anyway, I may HAVE to be off.

Ang I do have a friend who could listen etc, I guess it's just getting out of this rutt where I feel I have to keep it all in. I dont want to be a pain to her, or any of my friends (I'll just have to be a pain to you!) He he

Defo keep in touch with me (pls) I want you to be OK too, and you do help me a lot.

I'll let you know how Im doing soon

Love always xxx

Have good day at work xxx[/quote:88f7b33f09]did u know that 40 mg is no diffrent to taking 20mg it just a thing the docors do so next time u go to see them u tell them u feel much better and that i sthe truth

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Note from editor (a GP) - I disagree with the last sentence about no difference in strenghts. It is not, as is suggested, just a ploy by doctors.

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No I didnt know

How do u know?

I dont feel any different anyway, just feel sick now, and really down

Hi, I would disagree with the statement 40mg is the same as 20mg. It's double the dose and common sense would tell you that it would have more impact. I may be wrong but isn't that why you have details on the side of medicine bottles regarding dosage?

Suz - stay positive, the feelings only last a few weeks and the light at the tunnel comes apparent.

Yes I would disagree with that statement also saying that 40mg is the same as 20mg. the thing here suzisue is that as you might want to share what you are going through on this page but you will get some people on here that will say negative things which might upset u more and is no help at all, but take it on the chin and keep a smile on your face............so r u smiling ? arhhhhhh go on just one smile - there u go lol

take it easy!

j.b

[size=18:2ccd80beb8]Nice one John B! I think you've made us all smile :lol: [/size:2ccd80beb8]

Hey John B, look at u tryin to make me smile, when you're feelin so bad yourself, and you Ang, all of you!

God I felt the bed shake last night and thought oh my God I am cracking up! Then Danny came in and said we had had an Earthquake! I was so scared at first! At least I'm not that far gone!

Today my daughter got something thrown at her eye at school, really hard, and was taken to casualty - she's OK, it's scratched and pretty swollen, she's 13. I took a half day so left work at 12.30. My brotherinlaw had gone to hospital with her and she was back at home - very upset, but OK. I took her out to a pub for lunch to cheer her up. I thought to myself what is life all about, it's taken something like this for me to spend a bit of quality time with my own daughter, something I never have time for. We got home about 3 I think, and I just felt listless and went to bed, I've just got up. I have this horrible pressure pushing down on me, hopelessness in my guts - I think it's Mum - the destruction of her mind - of the life we all once had. I couldn't face going to see her tonight and now feel so guilty. I cant see the point anymore in anything, but I do know my children need me. Today also told me, I have no one, I was in Birmingham at work when this happened to my daghter, and there's only me (and my sister) who was working away. I am so lucky that my brother in law went with her. But essentially I have no one.

I feel like all the little things, even washing their clothes, I cant be bothered. I feel like i am in a verticle tunnel of steel, and I used to be able to climb to the top of it, and now I cant get up it. There's no way out. I can hear my nails scratching the sides trying to scuttle out, and that horrible screaching noise that nails make. Am I going insane? I've fallen out with my son who is 16, yet I still try and do everything for him. I was never this bad, even looking after Dad dying of cancer, it was awful, but I never reached rock bottom like this.

The only side effects I think Im having from taking these pills are that I am excessively tired, all the time, and lately, this week, am feeling very breathless, like I cant get my breathe very well, even when Im not doing much.

Ang I've put my name down for counselling, I cant rem if I said, but I do want to feel normal again, and feel sunny days, and be the bubbly person I used to be. I'm scared, and alone, totally. I miss my Dad, I miss just calling mum - or telling her about Lauren, and having someone who cares. I miss my Mum so much, my best friend, and she isn't dead, it's just her mind has gone. No one is there to help, when this happens, we've struggled to look after her all ourselves for so long, until it got dangerous for her. Maybe everything's gone too far. I should feel lucky to have loved and been loved so much, not devastated because it's gone. I hurt for the kids cos I had my Dad, and they don't. How sad is that? They're great kids, but I must be hurting them feeling like this, my son's doing his A levels and is so clever, Im so proud of him, and I need to be here to get him through uni and stuff, and Lauren, what am I going to do.

I'm in tears writing this. You must all think I'm mad, I dont feel mad, just like the world is caving in on me. What is life all about? What? Material things? It's all crap. What the hell am I going to do? This cant go on, it's hopeless.

Sorry for gabbing on, I just dont know what to do anymore, at least there is here to write and vent your feelings. But I still cant make myself better inside? There's got to be something better than this. I cant see the next moment, let alone the next day, and now my head hurts from thinking all this.

Suz, I don't know what I can say to you to try and help. I know you're doing the right thing by asking for help, ie the pills and requesting counselling sessions and chatting on this forum. Have you spoken to your sister about your feelings, did you speak to your friend you mentioned to me before?

It will be so tough for you, especially with a 13 & 16 year old and I think you're doing remarkably well to work, run your household, look after your mum and bring up 2 teenagers. It's a lot of work for [b:c584927867]any [/b:c584927867]woman so put your right arm on your left shoulder, go on, do it! And start to pat. [b:c584927867][color=blue:c584927867][size=18:c584927867]Well done you! [/size:c584927867][/color:c584927867][/b:c584927867] :lol:

Suz, you can't just keep things in or you'll implode. Please speak to someone close to you, you need to exhale.

As for being out of breath, I got that in my 2nd week and started to think the worse...I'm going to die, I'm having a heartattack :oops: , I'm choking! :roll:

It passes and it could be linked to anxiety. Just sit down, relax and take deep breaths until it passes.

Take care and keep the positive mental attitude up as you will succeed and you will come out of this and you will be that bubbly person again. You're just in a rut and it will take time to come out of it.

This is end of week 4 for me and besides the excessive tiredness and walking around like a zombie, I'm more calm and laid back now. I still want to be alone a lot of the times and feel yuk but I refuse to give in to this thing, it is not taking over my life as you at 41 and me at 30, are just young pups! We have so much more life to live and happy times to be had.

Stay strong Suz, and to everyone else like Squeaky, John B, Gaz and all the guests who pop onto this site.

Ang :wink:

Hi everyone. Just thought since I started this huge posting ages ago and noted down my apprehensions, thought I'd update as I'm starting week 6, or is it 7? See, I can't even remember that :lol:

Anyway, sickness and nausea has passed as has my lack of appetite. I lost about 8-9lbs over 2 weeks with simply not eating. I'm obviously delighted about this as I'm a woman and you all know what women are like with weight!

I'm still tired a lot and battle to stay awake after 9:30pm-ish. I'm off the drink as I've had 2 drinks whilst taking them. When I drank, I felt fine then hours after when off to bed, I actually got the spinners! The thing is, the first time I drank was 2 glasses of amaretto & diet coke and the 2nd time was half a glass of Lambrini (yeah I know! the 'social' club we were in didn't do a nice Chardonnay! I looked like a right plum with a mini bottle of Lambrini! Apparently tho, Lambrini girls have more fun, my partner disagrees!) Anyway, that was the measures of the alcohol and about 4 hours later, I had spinners - NOT GOOD! So, I've decided to stay away from the drink as it doesn't mix with me well.

Bring on the nice glass of White Grenaché when these pills are done with!

So overall, I'm a lot calmer, I don't snap hardly at all which is surprising me, I'm more laid back and relaxed - but still always tired.

I'm not too happy that to be this way I'm depending on pills but in the short term, it has helped and my relationship is now secure as my partner is great and being supportive and I'm not screaming at him all the time!

I never thought it would be like this in weeks 1-3, it was horrid and I wanted to die but now I'm looking forward to happy things and keeping myself busy and mellow.

So folks, the light is at the end of the tunnel, just seems to take ages - IT IS WORTH IT THOUGH :lol:

Everyone keep the faith (not religously ha ha!) and keep positive.

Ang :D

PS) Suzi, reading some of your posts and I'm DELIGHTED to hear you're feeling much better now, told you ha ha!!

Hi Ang babe

I am so glad though that you feel calmer. You know the more I think about all the problems we have - the screaming and I was just the same - irrational is probably a better word - high and low emotionally, with no in between - I cant help but wonder (what do you think Ang?) that it is more of some kind of hormonal imbalance at the start, and because we hate ourselves for being so highly strung - after years we get depressed - as we want to do something about it, but we just cant, cos our emotions just bloody fly, and we have no control over them?

I dont know Ang - I read a story in a mag, where this woman was horrible to her boyfriend and used to attack him even when he upset her -(I know that's the extreme end of the scale) but she was saying she took a natural source of EPA (google it - it's fish oil and essential fats etc) but this helped her so much with her behaviour - I have some and have been taking that as well for about 2 months now, worth a try maybe? I just want to feel ok.

Im with you Ang - those first weeks were hell, and you helped me through, even though you felt the same yourself. You are awesome! I am not joking, I could never explain in words how bad I felt those first few weeks. I felt like I didnt want to live, but couldn't die cos of the kids, but then how horrible is it to just not want to live and have to. It was that bad.

But now we got through those weeks, and as I always say, yeh I am exhausted (Today at work my eyes and brain were dying on me - God knows how I made it through) so I am still suffering with extreme tiredness. I still feel this very deep feeling of 'what's life all about', but that's natural when you lose parents and people you love, at least my head's above the quick sand. . Someone on here somewhere said that their Dr said - look to 1st May - and that'd be about 2 months after they started taking them - I think that's quite clever really. That Dr understands they take a while to 'kick' in, and it's a really good idea to look forward, and not expect a miracle overnight, which i think we all do initially.

And - you're just ahead of me I think by a week or two, and you give me inspiration - good on ya babe - keep trudgin on, and maybe one day, we'll both be able to look back, and think - yeh, it was worth it. We're OK now - that's all I want.

So yeh i've rambled (me n Ang are good at that!!! LOL) but basically - just perservere - keep taking them, it's worth it when you start to feel better, and see a next moment, just keep taking them, and go back to your Dr, if there are problems - I did, and look where it's got me! ALIVE & KICKING!

Good luck to you all. xx