Starting to accept I may be depressed

Posted , 14 users are following.

Hi. This is pretty tough for me. I think I've been suffering from depression for some time now, but only in the last couple of days have I finally managed (with a bit of encouragement) to say it out loud. I'm posting here as I don't feel ready to go to the GP yet, but wanted to try and 'talk' about how I'm feeling with others to see if I can do it & how it makes me feel.

I don't really know why I'm finding it hard to talk. Maybe I'm embarrassed, I think I feel stupid, weak, i don't know. The thought of sharing what I'm going through in my head with a doctor is pretty unbearable right now, it took me so long to say anything to those closest to me, and they are now encouraging me to seek help. I'm just not sure where to start. Scared of what people will think about me.

I don't have a 'reason' as such to be unhappy. I have a wonderful wife, 2 children, a good job - all I need really. But I am unhappy, struggle to get out of bed in the mornings, don't sleep well, have absolutely no libido, feel like I want to cry randomly, don't smile much, have no patience with the children, shout a lot, find it hard to be interested in anything much including work, occasionally wonder what would happen if I let go of the steering wheel when driving the car alone.

So I think it's depression. What will the doctor say, what help could I be offered? Am I even right to think I may be depressed? I don't even know if I can post this on the forum, feeling sick to the stomach thinking about my feelings being 'out there'. OK, here goes.

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  • Posted

    Well done done for taking the first step. I know it's hard I still find it hard to talk about accept I have depression

    I still find it hard and I have been diagnosed since 2012. It sounds like you are suffering from it. I hope you find the courage to get help.

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  • Posted

    Hi there. I'm sorry you are going through a bit of an emotional time right now. I think the first thing to say here is well done! You have already taken a huge step in the right direction.

    What you are feeling is pretty normal, I too have had the steering wheel thoughts.

    It does sound like depression, and I'm sure that is what any GP will tell you that.

    As for the process of getting to the doctors, they will probably ask you some questions, some may make you feel a little probed such as areas like suicide, the future.. all a little daunting when your head feels like it's spinning. They may even refer you to a specialist, this is simply a doctor who has extensive knowledge in mental health. And no you aren't crazy! Depression is simply a matter of chemicals.

    Drug therapy... This is what the doctors will likely stick you with.. It will likely increase the depression for a few days whilst your body adjusts, but then everything is a little smoother. I find that they are useful if you have emotions you are currently unable to deal with.. however, if you are like me, you will eventually tire of them and try your own methods.

    I find that positive thinking helps. I know it's cliche but things are usually cliche because they work! Also routine with a little spice. Routine is good for those days you want to do nothing. It gets you up and about. Try to get a little activity in. Something fun and different. Even if you don't feel like smiling, a fun atmosphere will increase your ability to want to smile!

    You clearly have people who will love and support you! They can help. Regular airing of thoughts will make you feel less secluded and of course it will also help them understand the situation better.

    Depression is no longer a taboo subject. It's so widespread and there are plenty of councelling practices that the doctors can set you up with, although that may take some time.

    .remember to keep your chin up and make sure your loved ones are kept in the loop.

    Dan x

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  • Posted

    Hi,

    Maybe you could take someone with you to the GP that you have already confided in? Explain to whoever goes with you how nervous you are about talking to a stranger about that kind of thing and ask them to help with explaining things if you find you struggle.

    The two most common options offered are anti-depressants and counselling. You don't need a reason to feel depressed, I have been depressed for many years and generally don't really have anything to be depressed about, I've actually had quite a lucky life compared to a lot of people. It could be that you just need some anti-depressants to try and 'sort out' the chemicals in your brain and help you to become a bit more stable and feel more like yourself again. Or there might be underlying issues that you're not really aware of consciously and would benefit from counselling. Either way the GP should discuss both options with you and see which you think would be more suitable.

    I know it will be hard going to the GP and explaining how you feel, but they will try and help you and unfortunately they probably see a lot of people every week who are suffering from depression so they will know how best to help you.

    You can always post on here and people will try and help you as well. The more you do it the easier it will become :-)

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  • Posted

    I am exactly in the same boat with absolutely nothing to be depressed about and so it's impossible to do anything about it coming on. However, I have suffered on and off for many years and you have to keep believing it will improve and it always does and then I really appreciate the good times. Drugs work for a lot of the time but also (difficult)avoiding stressing about the situation and accepting it is part of you at the moment stops you going into a vicious downward spiral. Hope you get there mate. I feel it's actually quite "normal" what you are experiencing Cheers
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  • Posted

    Hello dougie

    It does sound like it could be depression. I had the same fear about going to the doctor and telling them how I was feeling. It's perfectly understandable that you have difficulty talking about it. What helped me in the end when I first went to see the doctor was writing it in a list on a piece of paper for the doctor to read. It might be a good idea for you to do this. You could write everything that you have explained in your post and give it to the doctor. I felt a bit silly doing this the first time but my doctor said it was very helpful of me to have written it all down, and it gave them a good understanding.

    Good Luck, you deserve to get some help.

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  • Posted

    Some great advice here Dougie. The fact that you are on this site is a huge step in the right direction, most of us know what your feeling only to well.

    Im day 17 of being prescribed anti depressants, I feel like the fog is beginning to lift. Its tough going through depression but get the help and support you need and deserve, dont suffer in silence it doesnt help.

    Make the call see your gp and weigh up the best option for you. The thought of going is probably worse than actually going. You will be relieved once you have been, and a step closer to getting well again, and you will.

    Good luck

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  • Posted

    Thanks to everyone that has offered words of support so far. It really has made a difference hearing that it's not just me, and hearing that things can get better. In general, this week has been a better week - and I think just getting this out in the open is the reason for that.

    I am now looking to make an appointment at the GP, making sure I write everything down beforehand (thanks for the suggestion itssofluffy) and maybe taking my wife with me as she is the only one I have said anything to so far so could fill in the blanks a bit if I struggle.

    Sounds like it might be the start of a long road, but got to do something, not just for me but for my family.

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  • Posted

    Good to hear that sharing has helped, it does feel good to get things off your chest. Glad you are making an appointment, yeah the writing down thing has always helped me smile. Good idea to go with your wife aswell, good luck.
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  • Posted

    I know you have had alot of replies but wanted to reply anyway. I understand exactly how you are feeling and not wanting to tell anyone is normal. You should never feel weak or like you are being silly, mental health is a serious thing and more people need to talk out about it! Last March I woke up to the worst day of my life, my cousin had ended his own life because he was depressed. Talking out is not weak, it makes you stronger and it is really good you have realised it now. I have felt very depressed since his death and I am being a bit of a hypocrite telling you to speak out because I haven't. I often think the way you do. For example, (this may seem really stupid) I will cross the road and not look hoping a car will hit me. When I feel ok I think I would never ever do something like that because my family has been through enough but when you are in that moment you can't control yourself and feel like there is no way out. I will go and see a doctor about it because I know if I don't things will only get worse.

    But from the bottom of my heart I hope you do seek advice from your doctor, many people think all they do is give you anti-depressant drugs but they offer so much more such as counselling. Sometimes it is easier to talk to a stranger about your problems because you don't have to hold anything back in fear of upsetting them.

    I wish you all the best.

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  • Posted

    Hi all.

    Just thought I would let you know that I have taken a big step today and been to see the doctor. I was very nervous about it, but once I started talking and he started listening it wasn't so bad.

    End result is he wants to refer me for some counselling and has prescribed me some Citalopram to try and get things moving in the right direction. Have to go back in a few weeks so he can see how I'm getting on.

    Fingers crossed this is the start of things getting better! Thanks again for everyone's words of support on here, it really did help.

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  • Posted

    Great you are on the right path. Another step forward to recovery, it can take a little while for meds to work, be patient you are moving in the right direction.

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  • Posted

    Well done for going to the doctors, that first appointment is the toughest. As others have said, you're not alone. Your post could have been written by me, except I'm the wife. I've had a number of counselling sessions over the years and have found it really helped to talk to someone. Best wishes.
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  • Posted

    Well done for going to the doctors, very pleased to hear this! Good to hear that the doctors have agreed with you that you need some help, it's a great start. Take care.
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  • Posted

    I see you've updated us on your situation and that you have been to the doctor. As you are probably now aware of, it wasn't nearly as bad as you might have imagined. Sometimes it's relieving just to say everything you just told us aloud. That's the most important step, because otherwise you're just suffering needlessly inside. The people closest to you want to help you, and want to see you get better, there is no shame in saying you need help. I've been going to therapy and on and off medicine for a decade now and I have to say, do not get discouraged. What works for others may not work for you, so you have to be willing to give it a go and give it a go, until you find something that actually makes you feel better. I also think if your therapist will allow it, you should bring your wife. I bring my fiance with me, because as he is the closest person to me, I want him to understand what is going through my head day to day and why I am acting this way or that. It has been tremendously helpful having him there, because in some way, he can now better understand where I am coming from. I think our families are often affected, and tend to think they've done something wrong, but they need to know that is not the case. The best way to do that, I found, is to let them pick my brain for a while and see just exactly how I am actually thinking and that it really has nothing to do with them at all. Keep us updated and again, do not get discouraged if you hit a bump in the road.
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  • Posted

    Hi all,

    Thought I would post a bit of an update while I'm feeling OK today.

    Been a bit of an up & down 10 days since I saw the doctor and started on the tablets. The first tablet I took made me have a bit of a 'funny turn' after a couple of hours - can only describe it as how I have felt in the past when having what my then doctor told me was a panic attack - felt dizzy, all the colour went out of me, felt like I was going to pass out etc. But it passed fairly quickly.

    Since then I have taken the decision to have my tablets before going to bed at night - on the whole this seems to have been a good idea, although I could barely sleep for the first couple of nights. 5 days in I had the best night's sleep I've had for as long as I can remember, and the day that followed was probably the most positive I've had in some time as well. I almost felt normal again. Unfortunately the good day was followed by a pretty low day, talk about peaks & troughs!

    The one side-effect I've had consistently since starting on the tablets is headaches - not necessarily that bad, but there's always at least a dull ache in my head somewhere. Looking at what others have said, this seems pretty par for the course so hopefully in time that will settle. The last couple of days I've been feeling a lot of anxiety, with physical symptoms along with it - feeling physically tense, have the shakes a bit, feel quite 'on edge' all the time. That said, I have managed to be quite productive at work so that's a bonus!

    Overall I think it's too early to say whether the tablets are having any true positive effect, as physically and mentally I've just been up & down so much. Fingers crossed a couple more weeks and things will start to settle. Thanks again for everyone's support on here - it has really helped.

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