Stick to a promise?
Posted , 5 users are following.
When my GF and I started dating she was very forward that she has anxiety and pushes people away when stress builds. When we confessed our love she said she was afraid it would just go away and we promised to work through the pushing away and I would support her and not abandon her. Well it happened. Two weeks ago she suddlenly doesn't love me. She says she feels next to nothing and just blunted. I say I'm here and want to try and for her to keep trying. She asks me why. I remind her of all we said about working through. That this situation is exactly what she said would happen and that she wanted to beat it. It has been two weeks, and she is incredibly convincing that she doesn't want my affection and says she feels sorry for me that I care about her. I tell her we talked about this and she said this exact thing would happen and that then she wanted us to get through and not give up. Now she says she remembers saying it but doesn't feel that way now....I don't know what to do. I am trying, she hasn't got therapy yet but is trying to be scheduled. She wants to talk and be friends but act like we are nothing more/we're anything more and like what she said about what would happen and to fight for her when it did didn't happen.
What can I do? What should I do?
0 likes, 27 replies
katehippy b36593
Posted
Hi B, just a thought, but you could spend the weekend seeing if there's a group you fancied joing in your new city?
It's easy to focus on one person if you don't know anyone else around!
I's because you're such a good person that you're having a hard time, and i'm sure other people would find it easy to welcome and get to know you!
We (the thinkers) all guilty of taking on someone else's troubles, I reckon sometimes it might be as a distraction to our own!?
Anyway, what i'm saying is that you deserve to be around some positive people, doing your own thing in your new city.
x
b36593
Posted
Well update: I'm still confused . I went to the work function and then everyone went out to the bar. I was leaving and she text me to come back. So I did. Then hours of drinking later she is too drunk to drive so I take her home. I put her in her bed and was getting ready to leave she grabbed my shirt and pulled me close and just said "don't leave me" and she just held my shirt and didn't want to let go. I fell asleep. Nothing happened. But then we hung out together today cuddling and such. (No sex) and then we went out to eat and said she still doesn't feel anything for me. What is going on?
phil76209 b36593
Posted
Yes she's confused. She wants u but at arm's length.
She wanted u to stay that night but it cud have been that she was lonely. Don't leave me cud just mean I don't want to be alone.
I think for your sake and own sanity you should give her space to sort herself out.
She doesn't know what she wants.
Chickenjois b36593
Posted
Hello sweetie,
I know exactly how your girlfriend feels and how hard it must feel for her to live with this kind of thing. I know how it is to love something so much and then just wake up the next day, feel nothing and beat myself up for not being "normal" enough to feel remorse over such loss. I applaud you for doing everything in your power to try and change her. But sometimes it's hard for "us" to do so because we feel as if we might get lost along the way. For this exact same reason, I just can't manage to get myself in a stable relationship. But don't worry. She just probably doesn't know how to react to someone finally sticking with her. She has pushed so many people away that maybe she has yet to realize how to keep the important ones in her life. Both of you will learn how to live or at least coexist with each other. I'm not saying that merely waiting for her will make her want to change and be with you. That part is uncertain regardless of the effort both of you put in. I guess my only advice for you is to give her some space. And maybe try to move on.
As much as it sucks to be told that, She needs to realize that SHE needs to take the initiative once in a while. Don't worry it gets better hun.
-J.M.
b36593 Chickenjois
Posted
Thank you. Your advice shines a lot of information that I didn't have
g.90572 b36593
Posted
b36593 g.90572
Posted
No. in general I have found telling any woman to stop doing anything has not been the best of ideas. But we haven't been a "couple" in two weeks. Even less valued opinion
joe_04369 b36593
Posted
She's playing games with you, again just ignore her. I know it's hard but she needs to fix herself and she is just dragging you around.
dee53012 b36593
Posted
When I was married, the man never seemed interested in me. We never did anythng together, he hid in his room drinking boose. One day I left him a note, I told him I was leaving. While I was gone, the phone and flowers never stopped coming, so I went back and he treated me badly again; I left for good.
It is not worth being in a relationship when the person doesn't want to be in it with you. It is not about you, it is about them, and their heart and mind. I know you hurt, but you can get past this pain that we all have to go thorugh, it is a right of passage 🙌. Be strong🏋, cry😭, be angry😆, be hurt😖, surf 🏄, whatever you have to do to let out the greif, and eventually he will be forgotten and one day, you will have someone you deserve, a person who respect you and wants everything beautiful for you.
It does happen, I remarried and he was the most wonderful person in my life. Sadly he passed but we had 10 beautiful years together. Don't waste your time on someone who won't give you what you need.
I have been dating since 1010 and no one fills me like he did. It is rare to have that kind of love, but it can happen.
Remember, it is a right of passage, pound your chest and roar like a lion!!!
D
b36593 dee53012
Posted
Thank you