Still Lost, hurt and embarassed and alone.

Posted , 5 users are following.

147 days ago my wife stood up and announced to the family, "I'm moving out".  I have been a faithful husband for 22 years and thought things were pretty good.  At the time there were 3 children with us, teens.  One child we were mentoring.  This child had been with us for almost a year.  The others are our children.  She has been living a double life and in hindsight I was aware.  Our relationship has revolved around addiction with her spending many visits to rehab and overdosing.  Alcohol, prescription drugs and pot.  I am strait as a die.  I am here for my kids every day and have been for their entire lives.  I study and work part time and am struggling to pay the bills.  I only have a couple of friends because I have beeen a mother and a father for children and a carer for my wife, ultimately ignoring my own needs.  I had my wife and my kids therfore I needed nothing else.  I now find my self lost.  I am all heart, I jog 6-8 km most days and do 700 pushups each day, this is to strengthen my heart.  I breathe to get through each day.  I just want to have my own thoughts back.  (I want her to get better... I want to see her Love her kids...) how do I stop thinking about someone I love so much.


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14 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Stuey, I am sorry and saddened to read your post. It is hurtful when those we love hurt us in this way. It is not your fault, she has addictions and people with addictions cannot love the way we want them to as the addictions are the most important things to them. Have you been to see your GP it may be that some Counselling will help you to come to terms with your loss and to express your feelings. How have your children taken their mother leaving? You sound like you are doing a great job of keeping things together. Have you thought about citizens advice bureau to see if there is any additional financial help you maybe entitled to, even working part time there maybe help available, it's worth a try. You are doing well with exercising, are you eating healthy? Anytime you need to talk this is a good forum and supportive, so well done for starting here. Please see your GP for additional support as well. Hope this helps. Take care. 


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  • Posted

    Thank you for your kind words Elizabeth.  I eat well, sleep well I see The GP regularly, have been on antidepressant for about two months, it shuts me down at night and I get 5-7 hrs sleep.  The kids are amazing, we are all terribly hurt and they give me strength to carry on.  It does help thank you, a stranger telling me something that I need to hear. 

    People with addictions cannot love the way we want them to as the addictions are the most important things to them. (still breaks my heart).

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  • Posted

    Hello mate ... It's so hard to stop thinking about some you love in hindesite . Love is everybody's weakness I'm a man but when it comes to love and heart break It gets to me like not thinking else . Are you sleeping ?? Sleeping is important even if you dream about her maybe you do maybe you don't , but exercise us important and if you stop your body losses what occasionally makes it feel go , contine doing exercise. Join a gym . Time is the only healer I've spent 4 years with a girl who left me a few months back . It really odd and still does hurt like crazy . I've done hyponotherpy counciling and cbt ect nothing seems to woke but time . I don't know how you feel about this girl .? But find you self worth weather you walked or not . Kids are important I personally don't have kids yet . But try you best for them . They are your closest asset 

    Good luck 

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  • Posted

    G,Day stuey94211 Sorry to hear about your problem there is a book out Men are fro Mars a Women are from Venous how true no person can work out how the female brain works if you can your a Very Rich Man all you can do is stay true to your Children as they look up to there same sex Parent .I wish i was as fit as you ? My sister smokes this Bloody Pt and it turned her into a Pot smoking Nutter she is Crazy the Dr put her on a Disabilty Pension because she is to far gone in the Head she tells my sister the FBI has her house bugged crazy Mate .

    Just be there for you Kids and with a bit of Luck you dont know how luckey you are till what you have is gone i wish i had my Health Back all the Best stuey 94211 ?

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  • Posted

    Hi study, I too am very, very sorry for the hurt that you are going through,

    Try to just take one day at a time x your children must be bereft also....

    This may help in a way, I was a truly lost and terrified alcoholic for ten

    Years, I have four children, three sons and one daughter, I am ashamed

    To say that I made theirs, my husband's and the rest of my family a

    Nightmare.... I was sectioned into a mental health hospital four times for

    Quite long periods, and it literally saved my life....I have turned my life

    Around completely, but I can never, ever take back the pain and constant

    Anxiety I put my beloved family through...

    Try not to lose hope that your wife may recover and return to you as she

    Was in the past, please try to keep that hope for both yourself and your

    Beautiful family. Xx

    Look after yourself well, your family needs you, I sincerely hope and pray

    That your lives as they are at the moment, will change and that you all

    Find happiness and peace of mind, and that your wife will return to you

    All, recovered and addiction free, ( it really does happen, I have seen it

    Many times )

    In the meantime, I send you the most sincere and heartfelt wishes that

    You and your family keep well and positive..... take care stuey,

    Deirdre anne cc

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    • Posted

      Thank you Dierdre, as much as I want to hope.  I want to let go.  So many lies and deciet all surrounded by alcohol.  It will happen again  if we got back together.  I am 49.  Do I want to do this again when I am 59?  If I let go today what will I be at 59?  Where will I be. 
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  • Posted

    I'm so sorry to hear this. What an awful shock for you and at this time of year too. (although of course no time is good).    I hope your wife will get the help she needs.

    I also recommend telephoning or call in to your nearest Samaritans. Talking to somebody not related to you and your family might help.  Also if you drop in to the Samaritan centre, you get a cup of coffee and hopefully a biscuit.  I had to visit them many years ago with my unhappy marriage and found them a great help.    Many years later I became a volunteer myself.     Please keep in touch


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  • Posted

    Hi stuey I'm sad to read your story because living with an addicted partner is something really hard to bear as the addiction is stronger than the person, they have tto hit rock bottom before they can find their way back they don't care about anything apart from themselves and their needs I think you have done as much as you could have done she has now made her choice and it's time for her to take responsibilities for her actions all you can do now is get on with your life you sound a lovely father and you are doing a great job looking after them they need stability in their lives with their mum gone at least they know you are there for them, and that you always will be

    take care



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  • Posted

    Thank you for your kind words and advice.  Today in a discussion with the childrens mum, she made many declarations that give me some twisted hope. 

    Feeding my addiction.  Love and relationships are addictive in their very nature.  There is research to support this argument.  This information is what allowed me to quit cigarettes.  No matter how strong the desire, no is easy compared to the impact my wife leaving has had on me. 

    People with addictions cannot love the way we want them to as the addictions are the most important things to them. (still breaks my heart).


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