Stomach pain-it want go away!

Well, Oain is just the same so it cant be anything. The only thing that helps are hot aths.

I hate this. I cant believe Im back down again-but this time I dont even want to be near anyone-as Im scared!

Im not going to write what I am thinking about doing...as I dont want to be thinking it-but I just htink everyone thinks im a bitch because no one lets me say \"hello, im there mum and I make the plnas for once?\"...Its me that does the cleaniing up after them the feeding, the traking them to school and so on and ( That sounds so bitter - I dont mean that to , its just surely I should be alloewd to say \"No! I cant because these people also help me out to-so I cant and that all sounds really ungrateful but like I said I think I am a total bitch.

I cant discuss the rest here as its wat too private and involves others lives so I want but I think its something thats made me go back the way Please god dont let be another weirdoo exhibition of my self Plesas dont_ I dotn want to be loosing my balance and cuddling lamposts agian, but im al ready back to the screaming\"this room is a mess-what happened\" To god ( what a cow thinking -just do it yourself_ to howling in a 2 /3 hour hot bath-to no one cares anmd mMY GOD life is too short and Ill be dead before I know it anyway so whay can t I apprecaite ...to some people would love to have my life-so whay cant I just be happy and why am I so emotional??? Is it the pain in my side thats set me off again?? i didont know I just know that ive not been well for a little time. somesort of 2 week cold and gagging and something ( probably just anxious I guess!)I hate moaning about it ( AND i AM LETTING OFF STEAM -IN THE HOP I CAN COME BACK AND THINK MY GOD GLAD THATS OVER, just like when I was delirious with chicken pox PLease let something good happen.. Frankly either I need to win the lottery or for anyone that is feeling psychotic, yeah please hurry up !Cant believ im sending this ....not that it really matters..I just hiope this is anonymous...and also Im not trying to offend anyone just letting of steam! What am I goign to do-moving out isnt an option...oh yeah -found lst years letter from my lawyer...theres bit about it that really get me angry , for instance, in the event that you want to part , you have to move out, and in the event that you MAY wish to take your children, the council will accomodate you as a priority ( YEAH RIGHT!) and from what you have told us there are no legal groundingds for getting him out the home...( WELL WHEN ARE THERE EVER LEGAL GROUNDINGS?????? Or does he beat his wife too?...I dont care if its emotinaly, physically sexuallly, financially, ///alll of it is nasty!) and I hate coming here I dont think he even understand how he treats me-he cant seem to see it, but like I said and like im told from time to tim e...I am a complete bitch Oh yeah and that twaddle about parental rights...in lthe ebveent he wants these he has to take me to court....well, look the guy wouldnt lend me a tenner a week ago , so why the hell would he want to take me to court for these?? he probably will, and then hell apply for custody , probably by that stage I want have any skin, maybe want even be hereI dont know. All I know is this is nt fair!!!! But iaas he says\"Its all my own making\" Must admit I did feel a bit lonely i in the old childbirth front and the \"You must breast feed I dfont care if it hurts-its better for the babay\" You must do your job properly ..this is home , not work, and why does nt he do anything except play computer games...okay rant over...SORRY-NOT MYSELF

Omg! I lost it with my girsl this morning\"tidy up rant\" Cried etc...Okay-I thought what and how I was behaving was extraordinarily bad, turns out thats \"nothing compared to what dad does\" Its all so sneaky and I never thought about it like they have done, and its really upsetting.....apparently he shouted to my children \"You will not live with your mum, she will strve you, give you no toys, and want let you watch tv? Kind of sums it up THAT HE DOES NOT know me at all!!! For example my children have had a mammmoth breakfast, a big bowel of tomaotoo soup. They are all packed wht toys and wii games and snow gear to go their grannies...Im fgoing to focyus on my daughters party coming up soon , and essay stuuf , if I think about him its too scary..he wants me to go and tried to get daughter to convince me to go as he awants tim eon his own///wellHe can have lotes andlots of tim e on his own ..If I told you the other things , thered be the ss squad arriving so not goint therebut put it this way, he wouldnt be able to get custodial rights if everything works in the childrens best interest..My daufghter screamed In the street no less:Mummy wouldnt do those things and we want to live with her.\" and the rowing goes on-what is that doing to my children????The rest , is so sneaky that I cant realy believe it..I shout at my children occassionally, like when its so bad the place looks like a flippin skip , with maybe a few recognisable pobjects thats when I loose it, the rest of the time im not that strict with them and they are very good girls, they both have a genuine heart of gold, both are very affectionate and both aim to please( which im not sure if thats either good or bad) Pain in my side is still there...if I could decrinbe it///okay ill try...I feel like I am carrying a brick around my pelvis...As soon as I described this to my sister she asked \"gulp'''your not pregannt are you?\" she has babies on the brain at the moment...no its not possible..liike I said to he I dont even like the word sex so why would I possibly want to and if I was pregnant the baby would be about 4 and a half years old, so i don think thats possible! At ;east i hope not I just had to record that little conversationa sI am a little shocked..and I know bad timing etc...I dont think his mums going to ull through, and I really do not htink he willl manage the following few weeks m so I am goijng to have to up a girdle or 2 in sixe and concentrate on the girls as it will floor them too, and steop up my studies in the evenings! Thats all I can do at the moment..Sorry just neede to calm me down. Sorry

This is weird. Pain annoying me and really uncomfy. want to roll about the place like im prganant and expecting...anyway, ive been googling(doh1! Seems to be one ofmy favourite past times) Okay, if it were kidenys the pain would moore than lkely be in the back, as would a urine infection...and are ovarian cysts a genetic thing????? Because mum found aout all her cousins have have had these ( from her mums side) Mum has had a huge one removed and what , have i? Its is painful and its now constant whereas before it was coming and goin..Hmmm, bugger! Right off to the swing park no time like the present...we are away to have loads of fun in a five minute session on the swings. Hosh I know im talking to myself again! Pls feel free to delete post, thanks!

Went to visit a friend-had to leave early as pain was bad I thought I was going to be sick-I dont know what to do, I dont think its bad enough to ring nhs 24 and Ive not been sick or anyting...but its getting more and ore uncomfy and Ive too much to do to be sick, ill or debilitated!

I have to look after the children now as exs mum has suspected tumours on liver and lngs, and its no good here. Its an awful unhappy enviorment.

The only good thing about being in pain is that ive finished one piece of coursework ( Yeah!) Now starting on the next peace of dribble.....5000 words to go......would anyone know, but these symptoms are just like my mums...they took something like a year to diagnose her and lef ther rolling about her house for about 6 of them...then gave her an 8 hour operation, to make more mess, to have another op...Please dont let this be happening. Then when I spoke to my own mum she reported how every known female i her family have all had cysts downstairs0Thanks for that mum-im not feeling too positive! sorry, just do not know where to go...The other good thing is its meant ive not been up to my usual badness, but stil cant get motivated! If anyone has any advice about this id be happy to hear a positive!