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Okay, backstory...have had panic attacks since college. Tried imipramine, xanax, Paxil (devil devil devil for me) and Effexor (devil's cousin for me). I got on Zoloft moons ago after Imipramine. Don't recall any side effects whatsoever. Got off to have a baby. Started having anxiety attacks about 3 months after. That's when Paxil came in. Took it for two weeks and tried to get off bc it was a nightmare...come to find out I started having withdrawal symptoms (took me 4 months to be weaned off of it after two weeks). Tried Effexor and that lasted 4 days. So, went back to Zoloft. It took me nearly 12 weeks to feel normal. (and, by that I mean...able to leave the freakin' house - the issue with Paxil / Effexor / Zoloft start up, etc hightened my anxiety so much it caused me to have agoraphobia). Fast forward 9 years later and I all of a sudden have a panic attack while I am training my client (btw...I exercise 5-7 days per week including cycle, boot camp, strength and long distance running --- all a byproduct of my previous anxiety nightmare). Anywhoo, this blindsided me. I've always been able to talk myself out of them or had the handy small dose of Klonopin on the side. This one took me out - December 18. I then had a "self induced" one the next day while I was trying to get a long run in. Yep, I had one while running. Mind you, I know what these are and I know they won't hurt me. But...my mind went rampant. I started waking up like at 5 every morning instead of my normal 7am. I found I was holding my breath a lot. And, I canceled one of my classes / clients instead of just sucking it up and going in there. (possibly defeating this issue head on). This, of course, leads to the nightmare snowball effect. I made an appt. with my dr who increased me to 75mg on December 23. And, told me to take Klonopin as needed. Well, I am stubborn and don't like to take the .5 of Klonopin reguarly. I found that during this process I was having to use .125, .25 or 3/4 of the .5 just to function without the side effects. (and, where the Klonopin usually took the edge off and made me feel normal, I was feeling tired and odd - maybe from the increase in Zoloft?) My anxiety was high to begin with, since having the panic attacks and not getting enough sleep...morning anxiety was horrific! But...from my notes...it seems that while I unfortunately had to start taking Klonopin daily at these low levels so I could go to work and function. I tried not to take it when I was home and felt that I didn't need it when I was doing something I wanted to do, not having to do, like...work. Make sense? January 6 - day 14 on 75mg my daughter had to go back to school. I felt tremendously anxious taking her to school. I had no reason to be anxious. This went on through the week and actually had to cancel another class. Day 18 on 75mg...BAM - bad anxiety, crying and skin crawling/burning sensation. Decided that maybe just taking a week off from work would help (knowing that not earning money would not help my anxiety). I actually felt somewhat normal this week. Still morning anxiety, but I could push through it. (I'd wake up shaking and sweaty). Back to work on January 18, but felt completely out of it and odd. Couldn't put my finger on it. Just felt like I was impatient, like hurry up. Next day, anxious and dizzy. Woke at 3am. Saw my therapist and despite taking .25 klonopin, wanted to just get the session overwith and go home. Day 28 - same thing, woke up dizzy and completely trembling. I saw a new therapist who got me in ASAP. Loved him. I felt a lot better afterwards. Per dr. was told to increase to 100mg. Well, I decided that I wasn't going to make a huge leap. So, I did 87.5. Woke up crying - a lot. (I was not depressed at all before this). Day 2 now on 87.5 and woke up with horrific anxiety, tired, dizzy, ear clogged, tooth hurts / jaw hurts. Had to take 3/4 of a klonopin (first time for this). Slept an actual 8 hours that night - wahoo! Day 3 no Klonopin needed. That night Insomnia strikes BAD. Was jittery and on edge all day on day 4. Started having some weird thougths and was all over the place with my emotions. Was pretty much shaking by that evening. Took another 3/4 of Klonopin and only 75 mg of Zoloft and tried to fall asleep. Woke this morning at 3am with the same skin crawling, burning, chills, horrendous muscle twitches, agitation, pacing type feeling and wanted to call rescue. IT WAS BAD! HORRIBLE FEELING. I took another .125 of Klonopin and fell asleep maybe from 6-650 when I had to get up and take my daughter to school. I have been horribly jittery all day long. I am scared tonight is going to be just like last night and I won't sleep which only makes the symptoms much worse. I have an appt. Friday for another dr. I have spoken to a pediatrician friend of mine who suggested I keep it at 75 and move it to the morning. She also said to make sure I use the Klonopin. Couple things here. I am scared to change to another med as the experience on Paxil was much worse than this one. Should I have given the 75 mg more time? I was at 4 weeks. (it took me almost 3 months last time). I'm scared to become dependant on the Klonopin. I don't want to have to use it all the time once I am leveled out. And, I can't keep canceling work. Okay, I have whined enough. Any thoughts or suggestions? Thanks bunches!
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