Struggling to help partner with depression

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My partner suffers depression and is waiting on counselling and is on meds but we don't think they are working and can't get into doc till Feb. I am trying so hard to help but the last few weeks he is doing stuff to hurt me and now saying he don't love me because he don't miss me like he did when we first met 8 years ago. He has moved and but stays over Thur to sat he said this yesterday but came over saying he did want to be with me he was all close and stuff then at 1 am just got up and drove back to his mums where he lives now. I don't know what to do we get on great and things have been amazing and I do feel he loves me I feel the depression is clouding things and making him not miss me even thou I feel it's the old life he don't miss more than me but it's all messy in his head. How do I help do I just keep being there showing him I care 

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9 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Natasha. I can't offer any advice unfortunately but I'm going through the same thing with my boyfriend of nearly 6 years. I eventually got him to go to the docs the other eve but they didn't prescribe anything and said to go back if his sypstems continue!

    I hope you can get some advice on here to help. I have posted quite a few posts on here in the past few days and wveryone has been very helpful

    Xx

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    • Posted

      Sorry your are having troubles too it's the worse thing for all involved I hope your boyfriend gets help and things get better for you both. It's so heartbreaking loving someone who pushes you away or does stuff to hurt you but it's so hard to walk away because we live them too much x

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  • Posted

    Hello natasha

    I am hoping I am wrong with above ????, 

    Sorry what is going on here, I am a Pensioner and have been contributing to these sorts of site for many years and I cannot get my brain around a very sad fact.

    Many Partnerships, not been Married seem to come on these sites when their Relationships fail at around six to ten years. I may be wrong.

    Yes I can understand when one Partner comes down with Mental Health problems, and needs CBT, and I understand the wait for treatment has been extended and rationed. 

    What I find really sad Relationships seem to break down and I wonder if a Legal Marriage would last longer and act more like a solid relationship

    Reading your Post it seems to be following a well worn track where in this case it is the Male  who seems to have problems and tells His long time Partner the relationship is not working, and then uses this as a way out from this type of relationship.

    How I read above I feel He is using you by sleeping with you after sharing a positive attitude, then turns around showing negative vibes after the act then goes back to his family home. He seems not to take responsibility for his actions. This shows no respect for you and your Feelings. If it was the other way around I would be chasing out my so called Partner

    Sorry

    BOB

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    • Posted

      I totally get where you are coming from I do and at times I have felt used and let down by him and I am sure if other way around he would of walked . The thing is when he is here he is kind loving and we get on wonderfully better than we did before as we split back in October when he walked out we are now trying again to build up our relationship but this week has been really rough on me emotionally and he has been unable to support me causing us to fall out which then caused him to feel under pressure and unsure he came back last night thinking he was ok but was not resulting in him walking out today he seems much brighter and more dedicated to us today. So my thinking is is this what people with depression do or is he being mean and I'm being a mug x

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    • Posted

      natashi

      Yes this can be part of depression although He need to be told in no uncertain terms He is using you, this is not respect, and He needs to understand that. Life can be good when we get freebies and get low and needful, if the relationship fails, you need to find out what is going on when He is not with you.

      Sorry I am so blunt, I had a situation when I was young, the relationship became more of  a hobbie than relationship. I got out very quickly.

      BOB

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    • Posted

      We have spoke about it and he says he is not using me and he does care about me and he is grateful to have me in his life and he loves spending time with me (we also have a son) so it's a bit complicated. But he also seems to need his own space which is why he is still at his mums. He comes over everyday does bed time routine and that with son and then we have tea and chill then he goes to mums he stays over Thursday to sat night but if I ask him to stay an extra night which I did this week he would not. So he is only basically sleeping at his mums rest of time he works and is here. But he won't move back in 

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    • Posted

      Sometimes Depressives can be manipulative, You need to understand that and if you are happy about that fair enough. Personally I must be strange a man explaining a manipulation to a women, although I feel you understand my concerns for you as I went through a relationship in my teens very much the same. A Friend of an ex fiancee and it went on for quite a long time, two years. I was studying and had no time for Relationships. These types of relationships can be very hurtful and flustrating.

      I am not calling you a mug, I do however feel you may get involved in a different dynamic that would just upset and harm you mentally as well if the whole problem blows up in so many different ways.

      BOB

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    • Posted

      I do and I do worry I am letting my love for him and fear of losing him let him get away with things that maybe is not down to depression I am hoping once he gets help and the right meds it will all get better if not then I will need to look at it all again and make a choice as all this is taking its toll on me and I hate to think he is being mean on purpose. Thank u for all your comments I take them all on board as all thus is new to me 
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    • Posted

      natasha

      When He gets on to His Treatment Pathway, you will come across new problems with the same outcomes, I remember when I was with my first girlfriend I suffered overwork as I was at College during several days a week and working as a full time engineer as well. I sad to say would sit on my girlfriends knee and fall asleep, all very strange. Anticipate His actions

      BOB

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