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Struggling with a husband not being supportive

Posted , 4 users are following.

charlotte80404
charlotte80404

Hi everyone!

Im new on here so hopefully will do this all ok.

so heres a short-ish-break down of my past year and im hoping i can find people that have been through similar situations and have some advice.

during this summer my husband decided he had enough and decided to leave me. as you can imagine I was heartbroken. I never thought I had anxiety but this massively life changing bombshell stripped me a part and I was able to see exactly where I had been suffering and how.

For the past year or so, it had crept up and up. The only way I could explain it to the doctors was that I felt extremely hormonal ALL the time. I couldn’t snap out of it this time, before I would be moody but this was way more extreme. I would take everything out on him, any little thing he would get the brunt of it. I hated myself for it which then made me feel worse so I just didn’t want him to be around me, I pushed him away. So when he decided to leave I felt like my support system had gone, I felt empty and worthless.

I eventually went doctors because something life changing was happening and I knew I needed to get some help.

I have two children and I needed to get better for them. I hated who i had become.

I wasn’t eating, sleeping and felt a wreck all the time. I was sick and felt faint. I was trying to carry on and go to work, and plod along. I couldn’t do it anymore I was exhausted. I went doctors and they prescribed me Citalopran?? I needed something to help with my pounding chest, and the sickness with not knowing where my husband was and I was just left to do this on my own.

In this time I lost my job, because I handed in a sick note, I hadn’t had one day off in 6 months of being there and they decided to sack me because the anxiety Card obv wasn’t something they wanted to deal with. So again I didn’t even have my job now to rely on.

World was crumbling apart. Lost my husband, my job, my independence, and my family unit. All because of anxiety And not talking about it.

In this time, my husband came back. Instant relief, and I’ve never ever loved him so much in my whole life, all of this made me realise how I took him for granted and didn’t show him enough how important he is in my life.

Lately I’m struggling, life is better and entirely grateful but I’m struggling with talking about things to my husband on what makes me anxious. He just doesn’t want to hear it, he doesn’t understand.

Certain things he does and I’m petrified he will leave again, it’s like he can’t reassure me. Simple things set me off, like no good morning text, or kisses, or general texts like how are you? He said his busy all the time at work, why aren’t I a priority? He doesn’t care? Does he even want to be here? Does he love me? I get a million questions enter my head.

I would love to know if anyone been or is going through a similar situation.

Find it so hard to talk to friends and family. And now I’ve opened up to my husband I feel I can’t even talk to him. Please help.

X

0 likes, 15 replies

15 Replies

  • christina69014
    christina69014 charlotte80404

    Posted

    hi there, thank you for your post. I Hope I can help you, and we can help each other, as I am going through the exact same things. heres a little of my story. my husband left me a year and a half ago. for reasons that are valid, we fell apart along time ago, I had anxitey ever since my daughter was born(14 years ago) and let me tell you, It was NOTHING conpared to when he left me. it was like a switch went off. He didnt show me the apprietation for everything I DID or the affection, so he left me for his co worker. FAST forward too now... I have servere health anxiety and am in and out of the er. over obsessing about dying and leaving my daughter alone. now in the present time, literally my husband came back to me also. I AM happy but hold alot of stuff to heart. When he came back, I TOLD him about my health anxiety but I know he wasnt prepared for what he was going to here. just the other night I WAS venting about what was on my mind... and he yells and says that.... I was NEVER like this and I NEED to just stop!! It kills me, because I CANT and Im also afraid to lose him, even though he says, hell never leave again. also.... his reassurances dont help. lol... i cant even trust the doctors.... so I definately can relate to you completely.

  • le086489
    le086489 charlotte80404

    Posted

    Same here but its with my long distant girlfriend, we have been fighting since july, she has had some family problems and ive had my problems, now she isnt hardly talking to me, im really tired of arguing with her and i want to fix it, but she is acting like abit of a jerk, i love her so much and idk what to do to get us back to how we were before the summer. Im thinking about doing no contact and see if that would help but idk im worried if i dont message or call her for a week or how ever long it takes for her to start and miss me, she might just move on. Any tips from women would be a great help.

    • charlotte80404
      charlotte80404 le086489

      Posted

      So I actually ended up doing no contact back to my husband. He was so back and forth and it was messing with my head too much. So I thought right I’ll give it 3 days. Incredibly hard but I tell you what it worked! It was like it had role reversed, hr was the one texting me, rather than me constantly doing it. This all happened by second day and he was home for the final time by the 3rd day, it was like I had gained some control back which helped me mentally too.

      Maybe uou could try this? I was petrified that he would just not bother but I was saying to myself if he doesn’t then his not worth this anymore. Something needed to happen either way.

      Let me know how you get on! Text friends and keep busy within them 3 days.

    • le086489
      le086489 charlotte80404

      Posted

      Yea i think i should, ive only lasted one day other times, and i end up messaging and calling her alot, i need to do at least 3-5 full days of no contact without messing it up. Thanks

  • christina69014
    christina69014 charlotte80404

    Posted

    hi hi there well I can give you my piece of advice everyone is different but I can definitely say for me I would not want space for women we get very vulnerable and need that love at least I do. I mean heck at least for me if my husband doesn't text me anything by 9 in the morning I'm feeling neglected LOL. if she truly loves you and wants to work things with you she will find a way to do it or to communicate it to you and also on the flip side space could be good also but you guys already live so far apart it seems like she should have already enough space in my opinion. how far away do you guys live? Maybe you guys just need to see each other. maybe surprise her. my best piece of advice is when you do talk to her really listen to her and try to be as sympathetic as you can I know it's hard sometimes.

    • le086489
      le086489 christina69014

      Posted

      Thanks for reply, We live 4 hours away, i think ive p*ssed her off by over messaging and calling too much, abit needy, maybe i should just give her a few days space where i dont message her, and if she wants to sort us out she will message, if not then her loss.

      Anyway people reply to Charlotte's not mine it was her post to begin with.

    • christina69014
      christina69014

      Posted

      lol... sorry you asked for tips. good luck

    • charlotte80404
      charlotte80404 christina69014

      Posted

      im the same! i get so irritated if no morning text. like why does it need ti be every morning!

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