Struggling with diagnosis.
Posted , 4 users are following.
Hello
Hope you are all doing well in this tricky time.
I know its pretty trivial when looking at what else is happening in the world at the moment, but I am really struggling since being diagnosed with HSV.
I finished my primary outbreak, however only a few days later since finishes the antivirals, I feel I am having another outbreak already (itchiness, etc). I'm reluctant to start the antivirals again as I don't want my body to become use to them and then they become less effective (if that happens with antivirals?).
Aside from the physical symptoms, I am also struggling with the mental aspect. I cannot help but feel like I've ruined my life, that I am broken beyond repair, and will never find love. I feel overwhelmed with shame. Does anyone have any advice on how to get around this? Or any positive experiences / stories about living with this virus?
I know it's really common, but its cold comfort at the moment.
Thank you so much.
1 like, 9 replies
mark50520 squeakysquirrel
Edited
Regarding the symptoms, almost everyone finds their first outbreak is worse than any later ones. Some are lucky and have mild symptoms with few outbreaks. I'm lucky this way. Others are less lucky and have a rough first year with painful outbreaks every few weeks. My girlfriend was like this. After that the outbreaks will become less frequent and less painful. If you have frequent outbreaks it can be worth taking antivirals for a year, then coming off them. Even so they are only partially effective in reducing the outbreaks.
Psychologically I found it tough to take because you can't ever go back and be free of it, but it's worth keeping a few things in mind.
There are lots and lots of people who you will meet every day who have Herpes. They are getting on with living fulfilling lives, falling in love and having relationships. They just don't have a big banner attached to them saying "I have Herpes" and neither do you.
Although it might be difficult to get your head around at the moment, your sex life is not over.
I have gone on to have intimate relationships despite the fear of passing it on. It does require an honest and directness conversation each time you have a new sexual partner though.
squeakysquirrel mark50520
Edited
Hi @mark50520, thank you so much for getting back to me. It really does help to remember that people go on to have happy and fulfilling relationships, but it just seems completely unattainable at the moment. I'm sure with time it'll get easier though, as lots of people seem to get past it.
Thank you for the point around antivirals too, I'll keep it in mind but keen to see how my body copes first and use them as a plan b.
Thanks again for your message, I really do appreciate it.
Guest squeakysquirrel
Edited
I totally feel you!
I too have recently finished my antivirals and have been getting the same symptoms. Iv held off going back to the GP because I feel like it's just my body getting back on track. The itchiness is slowly going, but I'm on my guard, in case it's another flare up.
I too have been feeling shame, isolated and like there is no way I'll ever find a boyfriend. It has totally changed the way I was living my life. For a really long time iv been trying to find a man, but now, Iv stopped. I don't want to even think about how I'd tell someone I have this. It terrifies me.
I'm sorry I don't have any advice about how to move forward with this 😔 but I wanted you to know you are not alone with all this.
squeakysquirrel Guest
Posted
Hey @mel39693, thank you for writing back. I'm so sorry to see youre going through the same thing. I am the same, I feel like I am on constant guard and can't not worry about another flare up. Again, I'm exactly the same in regards to changing the way I've lived my life - dating and finding a man is something that I feel can never happen now and so shouldn't be thought about at all. I've only told one person about the diagnosis and that was my mum, and through a text. The thought of telling a potential partner and the possibility of getting rejected because of it is terrifying.
Honestly don't apologise, it weirdly helps to know that someone else is feeling the exact same. Thank you so much, and we will both get through this I'm sure of it.
Guest squeakysquirrel
Posted
Your brave telling your mom! I told a friend and that's all I'll tell. Its not something I like to acknowledge! I hate the word, everything about it.
I think over time the feeling of shame and totally disappointment in myself, will go. Gutted its something that I'll have to think about forever.
Maybe single forever is easier?!🙈
squeakysquirrel Guest
Posted
Yeah, me and mum are thankfully really close and she doesn't judge at all! You telling your friends is more of a brave thing to me!
Definitely, I think its also regret too - feel stupid yet did everything you can possibly do to prevent getting STI's / STD's! Just seems HSV is unstoppable. But agreed, hate that we'll have to think about it forever and the name genuinely sends chills down my back.
Single is definitely easier - if only I realised that before I caught this!!
Guest squeakysquirrel
Posted
it lovely that your close to your mom and could tell her. I can imagine shes been really supportive. My friend has been.
I wish I'd have realised that single is easier than this. Although I'm totally secure being single and always have been, getting with a new guy seems more important. Now its become a whole world I'd scary, that I never thought I'd have to face.
Although age is not on my side...35 this year...and feel like a leper!
Fingers crossed for us both!
squeakysquirrel Guest
Edited
So glad you've got support from your friend too! It does make it much easier.
Agree completely, but also I think things happen for a reason and someone is out there for everyone - this is just (albeit unfortunately) part of our journey 😃 and you are absolutely not a leper! We will be 10000% okay. Here if you ever need to talk.
Guest squeakysquirrel
Posted
Thank you, me too 👍🏼