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Struggling with this still

Posted , 5 users are following.

amy07772
amy07772

I was diagnosed with HSV-1 genitals two months ago. I still can't seem to accept this. I can't find anything that is for my specific type. I need to know how to not infect someone if that is even possible. Can I kiss someone without having to worry about infecting them if it is on the genitals? Does a condom really prevent it if you don't have an outbreak? I'm just heart broken. I found the perfect guy for me but can never have him the way I want and the way he wants me because of this stupid disease. He doesn't have it and doesn't want it and can't risk his health for me. I just need facts and can't seem to get any helpful answers. I'm so frusterated. I just want to cry all day even though that won't help. I just want to die. If I can't be with who I want without being a danger to them what is the point? My life for the past two months haven't been a life at all. Constantly worried about passing t to someone. I want a relationship and can't. I want to be normal again. I just am so close to giving up because life won't ever be the same. Won't ever be enjoyable. If you can't share your life with the people you care about than that is no life. Definatly not a life that I want. How can I expect anyone to love me with this when I hate myself with this. I wish I could go back in time and everything would be different now. Today is a really hard day. I only have hard, harder and hardest days. Today is one of the hardest days.

0 likes, 12 replies

12 Replies

  • angela10215
    angela10215 amy07772

    Posted

    Gosh I'm sorry,Amy. I imagine you could still have a sexual relationship if you use condoms. I know they are like having a bath with your clothes on but its better to have that than nothing at all.

    Please dont be to down on yourself. Life can still go on...

  • stephanie1217
    stephanie1217 amy07772

    Posted

    amy life goes on...i just found out yesterday and i still dont capture it its barely sinking in...and to know we r not the only ones makes it a lil better dont it?...this is horrible i know...im with my husband of two years and he knws what i contracted he supports me and still wants to be with me...idk if he has it or not this week he is going to get tested so then i will know for sure..im not sure how our life is going to be from now on or how our sex life is gona be but one thing is for sure the love and support is there to help us keep going...so dont doubt yourself..there is going to be someone out there for you willing to accept your whole you....We are still the same person except with a major flaw now sooo please keep your head wipe your tears and smile because its a new day and a new you now u learn to live happy ok...i wish we can turn the time back a week for me and two months for you..but its easier said then done right?..soo hope this helps and smile because your still here with us in this world
  • NuMe
    NuMe amy07772

    Posted

    If it's on your genitals you can kiss without worries that it'll pass. Condoms and dental dams do help the prevention of spreading. It's not a death sentence or the end of the world. Perhaps that guy really wasn't for you. I know it may not be easy to look at it like that right now. The RIGHT guy will love you regardless of this. I know how you feel as I have HSV-1 too. I promise you it gets better.
    • amy07772
      amy07772 NuMe

      Posted

      So it's safe for me to kiss him without giving it to him? He really is trying if he wasn't he would have left. He said that he just can't walk away he cares for me too much but can't take the risk of getting it. I do believe that he is trying. We still hang out and we are trying to make it work but the whole herpes thing keeps coming back up. I've told him the statistics that I found and it's like he thinks I'm telling him what he wants to hear to get what I want. I don't want to hurt him. He gets sad thinking about it. He just wants to beable to have sex without worries. He says I'm in his life for a reason and if that means getting it than that is what it is but he is going to try and prevent it.
    • NuMe
      NuMe amy07772

      Posted

      Yes it is safe for you to kiss him. And tell him to do some research if he needs reassurance. Do you have frequent outbreaks or no?
    • amy07772
      amy07772 NuMe

      Posted

      He says he has done a lot of research on it but still hasn't figured out a safe way to have a healthy relationship or be together safety. I try to reassure him but he is just so freaked out. I have only had the one outbreak. That was two months ago. Nothing since then. My dr told me that about 90% of people with what I have never have another outbreak. The research that I have noticed on the Internet is for oral herpes but actually in the mouth. I have read that oral herpes in the genitals has trouble surviving there so it is harder to transmit to someone else. Also that it is harder to transmit to a male because they don't have as many orfeces to catch it. My dr said it is a concern just because obviously its herpes but with the type that I have not as big a deal as actually having oral herpes on the mouth or type two. I just want him to feel safe and I want him to be safe. I also read that with what I have there is a 4% chance of passing it on but only during an outbreak and five days after because of shedding. After that the risk is barely there. With HSV-1 genitals you don't shed at all or as often as the others. Of course while not having an outbreak you shed the five days after an outbreak.
    • FelizCastus
      FelizCastus amy07772

      Posted

      Genital herpes does not pass through your body and exit your mouth, lol, so if you only have genital herpes (no symptoms of oral herpes ever), the genitals is where it is based and remains. Kissing is 100% okay.

      Condoms help, but are not foolproof. They protect against HSV by 30-50% only. However, HSV-1 recurs and sheds far less, so is less infectious, and usually passes via receptive oral sex, not so much genital intercourse.

      Best thing is to avoid sex during any tingling, itching (possible prodrome) or outbreaks, and use condoms properly and consistently. Might be an idea to wait another couple of months before sex, too, since possible infectivity is higher in the first few mouths.

      Should you be an exception and have many outbreaks with Type 1, you can consider daily antiviral meds as suppressive therapy (which reduces shedding, outbreaks and transmission).

      Read my pinned message at the top of the forum homepage for more, or the info on Patient.

    • NuMe
      NuMe amy07772

      Posted

      I think and can understand that he's just freaked out. It takes time to really understand it. Maybe he just needs that time. But in the meantime don't feel any less of yourself!
    • amy07772
      amy07772 FelizCastus

      Posted

      Thank you so much. That is the most info I have gotten on this. Kind of makes me hopeful. If I can get him to believe it. But he is worth waiting for so I will wait and wait until he feels comfortable or until he figures it out himself
    • amy07772
      amy07772 NuMe

      Posted

      Thank you. I am going to give him all of the time that he needs. I mean if the roles were reversed I can't honestly say that I would have stayed. With him though specifically I think I would stay and figure it out. I'm just glad he's staying and trying. In the beginning he said he was done and we didn't talk for two days but then out of the blue texted me so I know he's trying but still struggling with it. He is def worth the wait
    • FelizCastus
      FelizCastus amy07772

      Posted

      Have him check out the websites of ASHA (American Sexual Health Association) and Westover Heights Clinic (reputable STD clinic specialising in herpes). Good info on there. WHC also has a free downloadable handbook with a lot of extra info. Good for you to read as well. Hope that helps and good luck!
    • amy07772
      amy07772 FelizCastus

      Posted

      Thank you I will def take a look at it and have him look as well.
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