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It keeps me up at night i dont ever want to die because im terrified of what comes after, of forgetting this life and every body i love.. and especially being parted from them.
I have created some awful thinking patterns and now i'm stuck in a rut.. this prevents me from being able to be independant and do things, as i am also afraid to live, i have always been an anxious child, i havent got a very big family at all and i'm an only child, ive lived with my grandmother since i was 5 years old as i have no parents, she has truly been amazing and i couldnt ask for anyone better, i think i rely on her too much to be a parent and always a parent to me, its like i cant live without some sort of upper figure to make me feel safe and secure, i'm 23 and actually feel quite ashamed that i feel like such a delicate kid inside, its like i am too scared to grow up, but i'm trying.. next week i'm facing a huuuge fear which is flying to another country with my bestfriend without a parent figure, although i am excited my anxiety has intensified so bad when it comes to flying. I hate being like this.. How can i accept death and growing up? What helps you get a different perspective of it all to help you cope with the unknown better?
i know i'm getting better, but its such a slow process.. sometimes i worry i just wont handle this life i dont understand whats got me so afraid.. maybe the death of my boyfriend? i dont really know
Does anyone else feel this way?
I always try to tell myself that death is just as natural as birth and we all get to it, but it doesnt always work and sometimes just makes me feel so awful. ugh
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