Stupidly afraid of Death

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It keeps me up at night sad i dont ever want to die because im terrified of what comes after, of forgetting this life and every body i love.. and especially being parted from them.

I have created some awful thinking patterns and now i'm stuck in a rut.. this prevents me from being able to be independant and do things, as i am also afraid to live, i have always been an anxious child, i havent got a very big family at all and i'm an only child, ive lived with my grandmother since i was 5 years old as i have no parents, she has truly been amazing and i couldnt ask for anyone better, i think i rely on her too much to be a parent and always a parent to me, its like i cant live without some sort of upper figure to make me feel safe and secure, i'm 23 and actually feel quite ashamed that i feel like such a delicate kid inside, its like i am too scared to grow up, but i'm trying.. next week i'm facing a huuuge fear which is flying to another country with my bestfriend without a parent figure, although i am excited my anxiety has intensified so bad when it comes to flying. I hate being like this.. How can i accept death and growing up? What helps you get a different perspective of it all to help you cope with the unknown better?

i know i'm getting better, but its such a slow process.. sometimes i worry i just wont handle this life sad i dont understand whats got me so afraid.. maybe the death of my boyfriend? i dont really know

Does anyone else feel this way?

I always try to tell myself that death is just as natural as birth and we all get to it, but it doesnt always work and sometimes just makes me feel so awful. ugh

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  • Posted

    Hi livvy

    It's a good post with some natural fears that I think we all have either at a conscious or sub conscious level at some point. You have you're best years ahead of you and living them in fear would be a waste. I love Morgan freemans phrase from a film "get busy living or get busy dying" . I repeat this in times of panic, sometimes looking at others is also inspirational. I know some 75 year old s still chasing their dreams , going out every day enjoying their lives.

    It's true , people are taken from us every day but I for one believe our soul never dies , so I guess a lot depends on your perspective. Anyway enough of my ramblings , I hope you find you're beliefs strengthen you along the way. I am 45 now and lost my dad 14 years ago, that feeling of being cared for like a child by their parents or grandparents leaves a piece of sorrow in your heart when they have gone , but the memories stay in there too and a sense of responsibility grows to replace the feelings of vulnerability. I hope you feel better and find the courage to live you're dreams smile

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  • Posted

    It sounds like a really tough time.  I know I have felt this way and whilst I have found some ways to cope it still comes and goes with me.

    I did find a book on the subject which was probably one of the hardest books I've ever read.  By chance I'd come across it randomly in a second hand book shop found on a trip in London but I didn't feel up to reading it for months after I found it.  Alongside talking to someone about my fears it helped me get a better understanding and in some ways to accept things.

    I'm not sure what the policies are on here about faith discussions.  After what seemed to be a near death experience (turned out to be a misdiagnosis) I realised that part of what I was struggling with was no 'structure' or framework to understand this.  I'm not suggesting or encouraging a debate on here about religion, just saying this was a big gap for me and in many ways still a major factor in dealing with this topic.

    The loss of all memories, all interactions and one's existence is still something I can't get my head around and causes me great distress.  I've not really found a resolution to that yet.

    If you've had a death in your family or close relationships it's entirely understandable that this will all be very raw for you and leave you with many of these questions.  It might help to get to talk to someone about this through some counselling?

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  • Posted

    sorry to hear about the death of your bfriend.  Try not to dwell on it or you will get worse.  I did over a girl when I was roughly your age so mourn and move on to the rest of your life. Death is a natural process, so that human life can continue we have to die so that we don't overpopulate earth. Be strong and get out of your rut.
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