Posted , 5 users are following.
Hi, sorry this is gonna be a long one!
I have been with my boyfriend for just over 2 years, we had a rocky start due to my anxiety and depression, which he helped me through, but I have never ever been happier than the last 1 and a half years.
Things were that amazing we bought a house together after a year and I finally came off my antidepressants. He is the best thing that ever happened to me and I know I want to be with him. We have talked about everything marriage, kids.
But all of a sudden 2 days ago my mind suddenly decided I don’t love him. Telling me all the negative things about him, just little habits that really are nothing and never bothered me too much before. We have had a few tiffs recently but nothing extreme, and I know that’s because we live together and we obviously are gonna take everything out on each other, like if we’ve had a bad day at work. I keep telling myself you know that’s not true and you love him more than anything else in the world, but then my brain says, but do you??
He is the only boyfriend I’ve ever had and the only man I’ve ever kissed or slept with, which doesn’t help the doubts because my mind turns that into, well you have no idea if someone else is better suited to you, you’ve never tried anything else.
I have a very unusual job, in which I take animals around to schools, care homes etc.. and present shows. This means I keep about 15 different animals in my house. And even though I absolutely love my job, it is very tying as it’s 24/7. I have to look after the animals everyday, and if any are ill its stressful because they are mine and I love them all. Sometimes they take up too much of my time and my boyfriend gets a bit upset because I am spending all my time with them and not him. I also don’t have proper colleagues so I am on my own all day in the car, unless I’m in a visit. So it’s not like other jobs were you have other people to talk to, so when I come home I want to talk to him about my day, and sometimes he just wants to chill out after work and I find it frustrating that he doesn’t want to listen, but it’s understandable, I mean he lives with these animals too and has to deal with me being stressed when one of them is being unusual, because as you can tell I’m a worrier and worry about everything, I go on about to him about it. However, my job is going really well and I am getting a lot of praise which I’ve never had in a job before.
He makes me laugh, he looks after me, he loves me so much and I feel so guilty at the moment when I look at him because I could never break his heart. And I’ve told him everything and he is so understanding and I feel like the most awful person because it’s not nice to hear someone’s questioning their love for you.
To put the cherry on top, my mum has been suffering with depression and anxiety for over 3 years and she’s tried to kill herself 3 times and my boyfriend has helped me through this.
Luckily she’s really starting to get better in the last few months and is so good to see, but now I fell like I’m back at square one with my own anxiety and depression!
I can’t sleep or eat and am questioning everything, I don’t understand why because I literally was on top of the world a few weeks ago!
If anyone has any advice please let me know because I am at a loss. I just keep thinking I will wake up tomorrow and snap back to how I am usually, confident and knowing what I want in life. I am terrified of going back into my anxiety and depression because I know what it’s like and I can’t do it again.
Thanks for reading, I really appreciate any help given.
1 like, 3 replies
j78697 Las5678
Posted
Sorry to hear you're going through such a hard time. It sounds like you've got a lot of thoughts running through your head, but not a lot of outlet for them. Have you considered going to a therapist to talk through some of your worries and concerns? While it might seem daunting, having someone to voice your concerns to can be extremely helpful in processing what exactly you're feeling. It's important to be honest with yourself, and take care of your health. If you feel yourself falling into familiar pitfalls that you have experienced with depression and anxiety before, act sooner rather than later. I would encourage you to be as honest and open with your partner as you can too; from what you've written he sounds extremely understanding and kind.
Good luck with everything.
borderriever Las5678
Posted
Talk out your concerns together, He sounds like a gem and it would be a shame to get rid of someone who is so very attentive.
BOB
wayne1962 Las5678
Posted
Hi Las5678 - a trip to the doc might be what's needed even though it's the last thing you want. It would be best to catch this quickly. We can't think our way out of an episode of depression and it sounds like you have a genetic propensity for this disease re: your mum. Don't let it take over, see the doc, refer to therapy, meds can be left as a last resort if necessary. Btw - your job sounds incredible and doing what you do when there is so much cruelty in the world is absolutely amazing and enlightened. Thank you.
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