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Hi everyone. I saw my CPN yesterday and told her about how I'd tried to end my life last friday, and that the only reason it didnt work out was that unfortunately someone arrived in the same place in the forrest as me, realised what I was doing and chased me off. I became so angry at the passer by that it just completely threw me and I've been in a state of dispare, unable to do anything, since.

I've got no energy at the moment as I am so caught up in still being here, angry and confused at my failure. I'm in purgatory. I cant move one way or the other. This is why I spoke to her about it, but she didnt really have anything to say other than "oh so you actually went somewhere to do something?" and that was it. She then glossed over it and gave me some worksheets to complete around paranoia (a sperate issue) for our next session.. and said "Thanks, see you again in 2 weeks".

She offered me no help or support at all. I know I didnt actually kill myself but I would have if it wasnt for the passer by. I made that clear to her. But because I didnt die or fail in some other way, is this a normal reaction to recieve? If anyone has any advice on how else I may get help I'd really appreciate it, as I am just so so stuck.

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  • Posted

    Hey Inmate

    I cant comment on the mental health service I know that it is shocking in the Uk you have to FIGHT SHOUT SCREAM for every little bit of help.

    It does seem a bit strange that the are not monitoring you closer but all you can do is talk with family friends or on this forum.

    Also there are crisis  phone line you can call and if everything gets so bad that you think you may go to the forrest again take yourself off to emergency

    I wish I could do more for you keep taking your meds

    Stay Strong you are not alone


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  • Posted

    Dear inmate

    You must be feeling so desperate especially after your disclosure seems to have elicited virtually no response.

    Here is how I cope with being very low.

    1. I try to do one thing that is good for me - NOW. It may be small like looking at the trees outside . It may be bigger like going for a walk. The point is, it is something I know is good for me and I can do now. I don't try to look further ahead. I just try to make now as good as need to.

    2. I stop doing anything that is unhelpful. Again I make this really simple and practical if possible . It might include certain negative thought patterns. But it is something I can do immediately .

    I use this every day during these patches. I choose to live one day at a time ... Sometimes only one hour at a time.

    3. I find people I trust and agree to check in with them regularly ... Just to give me a fixed point to "survive" until.

    4. I make use of the samaritans

    5. I make a drs appointment

    6. If I think I am a danger I consider going to a & e and admitting myself to hospital .

    Depression is a terrible illness. It makes everything seem too hard and life too painful. But we can recover .

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  • Posted

    Thank you everyone for your responses and kind words. I will do my best to try and get some help. It's so hard though because I just dont have the energy to talk it through, especially as it turned out to be pointless last time. That has really put me off from bothering. Up until now to be honest my support had actually been very good. Until I had a change in CPN. Last time this happened I was sectioned for 2 months, and I'd never got as far into my plan as I did this time. This is why I am suprized at the lack of interest and support from this CPN lady. I absolutely do not want to be sectioned, but I was hoping she'd help me move forward at least.
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