Supporting and feeling helpless

Posted , 6 users are following.

Hi,

I hope this is the right place to post this if not I apologise. My husband has been having some difficulties for a while now but the last year it's been really bad. He can't seem to get excited about anything, family holidays, nights out etc. he constantly worries about everything - for example we ordered our son new boots for rugby training and he can't stop worrying if they will fit or if they will arrive in time. This is just one of many things he's constantly worrying about. My son is having a birthday party - it's all paid for and everytime we talk about it my husband literally can't handle it. I feel that I can't talk to him about problems in the house as I don't want to add to it but I'm struggling to have nobody to talk to. It's like all he does is worry - getting the kids ready for school and he's totally on a mission for a couple of hrs - like he can't relax.

What can I do to help? Does this sound like anxiety? Depression? Both?

Thanks so much for help in advance.

1 like, 11 replies

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11 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Emma,

    Your Hubby sounds like a very stressed out 'worrier'. I can understand how worried you must be too and how much concern this is causing for you. Can you talk to any of his family members about your concerns? did you consider going to your own GP for advise on how best to suppport him and yourself? xx

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  • Posted

    oh bless you that sounds like an awful situation...he could be suffering from anxiety or depression worrying can be a sign of that......maybe persuade him to chat to a gp....all i can think of to help.......hope someone else can come up with an answer for you but maybe go see a doctor if he will...stay strong...kind regards
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  • Posted

    Yes I have considered us both going to the Drs - just typical thought of not wasting their time but today I got quiet upset and feel quiet alone. He in a proper mans man and isn't he great at talking about his feelings. He takes everything as a personal attack so it's hard to speak to him about what's going on without him getting frustrated. He's very forgetful also which doesn't help his constant worrying and panicking. You name and he worries about it. if we go out anywhere he's on pins the whole time wanting to get home. He seems only happy sitting at home in his own world.
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  • Posted

    Hello Emma,

    you sound just like my husband and I.  I hear you.

    in my humble opinion it sounds like depression and anxiety. The two go hand in hand a lot.

    i thinks the first step is for him to accept that he needs to address this. His stress bucket is overflowing so he needs to stop, take stock and rest.

    it really does get better. My husband was a wreck 3 months ago and now he's back at work and enjoying life.

    all the best xx

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  • Posted

    Thank you all so much. I think he would go to the Drs if I went with him. He said to me last week that he couldn't switch off and it was just getting worse and worse - I think I'll make the appointment and take him along.

    I just feel like there's only so much I can take - I really want to get excited about life and share with him.

    Thank you all so much.

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  • Posted

    Hi Emma it sounds like depression and some. anxiety definitely. Has he been under pressure lately. I feel like that when I'm ill can't cope with the smallest thing and blow it all out of proportion when its really something so simple. Has he been to gp and how long has he been like this? Don't rush into medication but some sort of talking therapy might help him. Hope this makes sense. X
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  • Posted

    HI EMMA, BLESS you. XXX I understand how hard it is, but it is essential that he sees your GP..as a starter....he needs help, also you, or you will become ill too....

    I have three sons ( all at home. ) who have suffered from mental health problems from quite a young age...it has been difficult, but with specific, specialist help and medication they are much, much better. He can feel normal again...honestly...

    great big hugs to YOU BOTH..XXX Deirdre xx

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  • Posted

    Hi emma. For a start, that's not your husband you are describing, IT'S ME!! 

    I am or was suffering the exact same symptoms as your fdella, even down to the description you made of him being at home in his "comfort zone". I had refused nights out with friends because I couldn't stand the thought of being out the house. I didn't want fun people around me because I didn't feel like laughing. I worried about EVERYTHING. My stomach would churn like I was waiting on death row. I had so few good days that they stood out & made me feel worse as I knew what feeling good felt like, but hardly ever felt that way. The frustration was tremendous. I neglected my appearance, personal hygeine, couldn't bring myself to go shopping [I live on my own] I would ask my estranged wife to do it for me, as we are still very close. Your post is SO like me, it's almost like my wife has written it. 

    Anyway, I am 65, I have several physical problems with mobility. I was talked into seeing my GP about this & it was the best thing I could have done. I was treated with great respect & that helped. I had refused anti depressants when my wife left 11 years ago, but now was the time to admit, I AM DEPRESSED. There's no shame in that, millions suffer with it, but most men won't admit to it. I was put on anti depressants, a low dose to start & when I found there was no effect over a couple of months, the dose was increased slowly, till I found I could cope. The anxiety was still there, yhe constant stomach churning worry about simple, meaningless things, like putting the bin out at night. Silly things. I was put on a sepparate med for the anxiety & within 2 weeks the results were amazing. I even stood up & gave a thank you speach at my father in laws funeral, in front of 100 people. I used to shake at the thought of talking to 1 person before. I have been on this medication for about 12 months & the difference in my anxiety levels are astonishing. I simply find I can deal with anything & things & don't hanle well I put down to being human. Sorry if this is too long, emma, but get him to the GP, tell him 100's of thousands of men in the  UK are taking treatment for depression & anxiety. I am just 1. I feel like a different person. I truly hope he takes this advice, there's NO shame in it, in fact nobody needs to know, only my very best pal knows about my problem & it helps him understand if I cancel arrangements at the last minute. Get him to read this, if you can. GET HELP MY FRIEND. YOUR FAMILY LOVE YOU. YOU CAN BEAT THIS WITH LOVE LIKE THAT, BUT YOU NEED TO HELP YOUSELF FIRST. Good luck emma. 

     

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  • Posted

    Thank you all so much for your advice and help. It helps to know others are in the same situation and with help are feeling so much better.

    We have made an appointment to see our GP on Monday so I'm hoping it all goes well.

    I really appreciate the help.

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