Taking my life

Posted , 5 users are following.

Earlier this week i experienced an all time low, i went to work i couldnt deal with people there but i held it together until my boss said something to me and it sent me into a downward spiral and i kept thinking why am i here ? why am i living this life if i am hiding from everyone ? am i here just to benefit everyone else ? i am always over thinkig things and they play on my mind alot! however i have been fighting the urge to take my own life for awhile now until this week where i tried and sadly it did not work! i have recently been able to go home where i have someone staying with me, i have made out that everything is fine but really i was hoping that i wouldnt have to come back here! i am getting help but i dont feel any different. i just do not want to live life like this anymore and now i have no idea what to do!

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5 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi jess4453 I can only say, keep your mind in this moment and try to understand that you have an illness that warps thoughts, it tells you terrible things, make you feel physically Awful and the word depression doesn't cover it at all ;(((((((

    Everyone on here understands and we can only comfort each other the best way we can, Identification with the dreaded feeling of wanting to die. We can't trust our own selves any more...BUT, it gets better, so hold on, take 3 mins at a time and breathe, it will get better & better until it's just a horrid memory. What has the doctor said? If you feel awful call the Samaritans they are great to talk to. Or keep writing on here, just spill it out!!! Rx

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  • Posted

    Hey Jess.....the questions Your asking is somehow reasonable.....but don't continuously think about the question......but think of the answer.....no one is put on this without purpose.....you have a marvelous purpose that only you can fufill........you do not need to hide....u are brilliant and unique in your own way.....don't let anyone tell you otherwise....stay strong!!.....you can ok through this a come out stronger than ever before.....and that can help you mend all your relationships back little by little....it might take some time....but the end result is so worth it......and always remember you are never alone......God is always by your side.....he will help you.....trust in Him....and he will never go back on His promise......Jesus loves you...how are you doing??
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  • Posted

    Jess 

    Having been in your situation and knowing how you feel ... 

    Let me tell you a bit about my back ground. 

    I tried this last year .. I couldn't even tell you why I did it but I did. My 1 year old son was in the house and until I was passing out I didn't even consider it. So I rang my mum and told her to come and pick him up. An ambulance arrived 5 mins later and burst in my house. 

    The doing it is easy but the bit afterwards is the scariest thing in the world !!. I not only had 6 people in my house that I didn't no I also had my husband called home from tour so the whole camp knew I had social services tell me I wasn't fit to look after my children !!

    Everyone has a reason to be here !! Is what I'm trying to say !!. Everyone has some reason they would regret it !!. 

    You need to let go of your why and keep hold of your why not 😳. 

    On a 'good day' you need to get rid of your triggers .. So for me it was getting rid of any tablets in the house !!. Someone close to you will always have a couple of pain killers so no need to stock up. 

    I don't no if any of that helped but a big one chat on here !!. Talk to people anyone. 

    I really hope things get better for you 

    Xx

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  • Posted

    Oh depression takes everything away from us, but we have to try and keep fighting it.  I have battled for over 20 years.  I took an overdose once, and was as low as low.  Was in a psychiatric hospitsl, and lost my house, job, relationship, everything.

    I am still here and battling.  You will find that hiudden strength.  I am not a strong person but I will not let depression win.  I hope, like me, you will be glad the overdose did not work.  Take one day at a time, like me.  There are so many people here who know what you are going through.  You are not alone.  We all care about each other.  I would not forgive myself if I thought you could not go on.  Please try and find that hidden strength within you like IU did.  Don't let depression win.

    I know you feel now that life is not worth living, but it is, and I hope you will see that when you are in a better place with your mental health.

    Keep posting as I think it will help you knowing you have our support and can help you through this dark patch.  I have been where you are, and I know what it is like.

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