Terrible anxiety after breaking ties with family.HELP

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My name is Jennifer I am 48 years old.  After growing up with a overbearing and abusive sister.  Who has been diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and a father that is the same way my other sister and I have had to cut ties with my sister and her family.  As the years have went on and her daughters and my other sisters daughters have grown up, she has become competative, nasty, insulting and just horrible toward our whole family. After therapy sessions, family talking, nothing has changed.  She screams, yells and throws things. My father is 88 years old and in Assisted living community, I see him from time to time but he is still very toxic just like my older sister.  Since my other sister and I have made these decisions, and we no longer have the stress and toxicity from my older sister, I don't know why I am having anxiety attacks and have anxiety all day until I take a Xanax.  Can someone please tell me why the anxiety didn't to away after my sister went away...please help feeling very desperate.

 

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  • Posted

    Hi Jennifer. I think the problem is a sense of guilt when you should have none. You did everything you could and cutting ties from your sister was the only  thing you could do and is a form of self preserveration. Once you recognise you did the right thing and learn to live with it things will start to get better. You can now finally make a life for yourself. I would suggest you see your GP and find out if you can get some counselling sessions, to help you recognise that you have no need to feel guilty or anxious.
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  • Posted

    Hi Jennifer,

    i also have a narc mom and oldest sister. I too cut ties with them. My mom is actually not really with it so, that's not a problem.

    i went three years no contact with my sister as I felt this was the best way and just recently accepted a birthday card. I also sent her a thank you.

    thats been it for the last three months, so it will be limited contact and I think that's all either of us want as she is aware im no longer interested in speaking to her.

    i guess it depends where you are at in the process. It's very hard for a couple years for me, but now I've forgiven her and my anxiety has gone down. Im not saying forgive her tomorrow because we can only get to that spot when we are ready but know that there will be a day when you will just " give up" on being guilty or having second thoughts or possibly very angry for the way you were treated all along. Also might be mad at yourself for putting up with it for so long.

    it does get better though and maybe in the mean time you can do some positive things for yourself. The narc trys to take our self esteem away so now is the time to build it.

    also what I find helpful is doing meditation each morning. Clear the head of negative thoughts. Start from zero. Then in the evening do a guided meditation from youtube....they are super easy. Again clear your mind if all negative thoughts. ( if you have negative thoughts) 

    its a rough road but you are half way there so keep going and know that sometimes the best revenge is success.

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    • Posted

      Thank you Rose for your wonderful reply, It is a very hard process because we were all so intertwined in each others lives.  But, some-

      times we have to be selfish and take care of ourselves first.  Narc always take very good care of themselves.  Thank you again and God Bless

       

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  • Posted

    Thank you Jennifer for posting

    it might seem they take good care of themselves but what does it really matter as they live in a world of their own making and never really make any true connections with people.

    They have no true compassion and their only way to feel good about themselves to is make someone else look bad. It's really a sad little dance they do and it must be terribly lonely 

    years ago people stuck with their family through thick and thin and they still do if the family member isn't always on the prowl to stir the pot or make someone else less than .......So they can feel more than.

    their game is obvious but they don't see it and sometimes others don't see it as well, but usually they slip up and end up with no one.

    i sure hope you can go no contact as that seems the best way to handle it and it sure eases the day to day drama, that the N's come to expect.

    they like living the soap opera life I guess.

    wish you love and luck and bless you too.

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  • Posted

    I went through a ton of junk with my sister. I held on as long as possible i came to the conclusion she was just ill and left it at that. She was so very paranoid and treated me poorly and i tolerated for a long time eighty percent of the way people are with you has more to do with them then you in general. She has a lot on her own plate and her own issues so i dont harbour hate, but yea it hurts a lot because you want your family and media and society overall tells you too but it can be toxic and unhealthy and in that case you must look out for yourself. It hurts either way. The anxiety might have more to do with you and how you are rationalizing out stuff and coping with it. You could also have a little ptsd from the whole experience. Do yourself a favor and try to forgive them and yourself, not condone the behavior but forgive and letting it go. Narcissistic people are extremly difficult and draining on the people around them.they rarely take ownership of their thoughts or actiins they tend to warp reality to fit their thoughts and very little can be done to alter their altered perceptions.
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