Thanatophobia and am I normal

Posted , 4 users are following.

I am 29 years old I live with my partner we have been together for 5 years I love her to pieces but I am constantly wondering if there is something wrong with me mentally this has been going on for years before my partner but I got together.

Think about death constantly not killing myself or anything like that but I think about someone close toe dying and how I'd feel I often cry about things that haven't happened yet it takes over my day once I was sitting on a bus and an elderly lady got on and I thought as horrid as it sounds I wonder when she will pass away what will happen is there an other side but I terrify myself I feel sick and get a strange empty pain in my chest I've looked up Thanatophobia but unsure if can be treated 

I am also extremely immature and have poor concentration I get board easily and have found myself  being disruptive I find it hard in my job doing the same task over and over 

I also can be very up and down one minute I'm happy next I'm sad next I'm agitated and angry (never violent) 

I'm paranoid for the stupidest reasons , like my partner going to work I check her hours so I know what. Time she will be in etc 

My mum suffers from depression and has done since she was 19 not sure if that's relevant 

I can't live the rest of my life like this I've lived nearly half my human life already feeling like an outcast I don't want to stay this way 

Any advice? 

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  • Posted

    I'm so sorry you're going through this.  I found your story familiar and hope that I can tell you my experience as it may help you.  I am a lot older than you, but several years ago I was going through a similar period of doom.  Constantly on my mind was that I was going to die, my mom was going to die, my son was going to die, my dogs were going to die (interestingly, my husband was not going to die--he would be the lone survivor.)  I was filled with thoughts all the time and would take everything to a catastrophic level.  For example, if my son went somewhere with friends, I was convinced that he was going to die in a fiery auto accident and would picture the scene over and over and could not settle down until he was back safely.  It filled my life.  I didn't know it at the time, but I was going through perimenopause and I finally found out that this is called menopausal doom.  Now, don't stop reading.  I know you're still young and you're not going into menopause, but I'll explain.  It happens when your hormones are unbalanced.  I found out that my hormones were VERY unbalanced.  In fact I had 106% estrogen and 0% progesterone.  Now, everyone's hormones are unbalanced during perimenopause, but mine were major!  Of course, I was also having other symptoms (hot flashes, migraines, tachycardia, histamine rushes, many, many "normal" and "extreme" symptoms.).  My doctor just looked at me shocked as she had never seen this much of a variation before.  This is called Estrogen Dominance and younger women can have it, too--not as bad as mine because I was heading for menopause, but a hormonal imbalance can cause weird thinking like this.  It's the ratio of estrogen to progesterone that is the key--not the actual levels themselves.  I had two doctors (male) check my hormone level and when they saw that my estrogen was "good", they would tell me that I should feel fine.  It was the third doctor (female) that saw that while my estrogen was good, my progesterone was not and it was this ratio that was the problem.  I would suggest that you get your hormones checked.  This was three years ago and I am through menopause and all my menopausal doom is gone now that my estrogen/protesterone ratio is balanced at zero (still have new problems related to having no hormones--but not the doom).  Since your mum has depression, you and she may be very sensitive to hormonal balance, and just super-sensitive as a whole.  At least it's worth getting checked out and if that's it, there are many things to do to help.  In my case, it was hard to help and I had reactions to hormonal therapies because my situation was so extreme, but yours won't be like mine.  There are also natural things you can do.  Stress is a big factor in hormonal balance.  One thing that I found out was that I had a high histamine level (look up histamine intolerance and see if you have other symptoms).  Excess histamine can cause a high estrogen level.   All my best to you.Hope this helps.
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    • Posted

      Hi Elizabeth

      Thank you for sharing your experience, funnily enough at 29 I am currently going threw medical induced menopause due to having endometriosis, although that's only been in last 6 months.

      My mum also suffered with endometriosis aswel so I'll deffo be mentioning it to my gp.

      Although I've felt this way as long as I can remember but I suppose you have hormones at all ages .

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    • Posted

      Hi,

      So sorry you have to go through medically-induced menopause so young.  I, myself, had adnomyosis (sp?)--something similar.  Just wondering if you felt like this as a kid before the whole hormone run around started?  Elisabeth

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    • Posted

      That's ok I'm fine with it apart from the hot flushes lol. I have no memory of feeling this way bru or to my early teens so quite possibly it could be hormonal.

      How do you feel now? 

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    • Posted

      Hi,

      Well I don't have the menopausal doom anymore, although I do have a lot of health problems and kind of think, well if I die, I die.  But, if I don't, I don't.  It's kind of a fatalistic point of view, but it's not the same continually obsessive doomed thinking of before.  One thing that you might want to try is Rescue Remedy Relief (Bach flower formula).  It helped me when things were reallly bad.  I really don't have to do it anymore.  The only thing about it is that you can't use it all the time as it loses its effectiveness if it's overused.  But, if you save it for the really bad times, it might help.  All my best to you.  I truly hope that this clears up for you as I know that it is extremely disturbing.  Truly, Elisabeth

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  • Posted

    Oh, one more thing I wanted to mention.  When I was going through this, I realized that worrying about a situation or a person was my attempt to stay connected in a situation where really I had no influence.  It was my connection to this person and I felt like if I let it go, that I really didn't care and maybe the doomful thing would really happen. It was really an OCD issue.  Finally, I just had to let it go.  Whatever was going to happen was what was going to happen.  I was spinning my wheels and using a lot of my limited energy in worrying 24/7 and thinking I could control or be connected to outcomes that were really up in the air.  (I'm not sure how I got italics here--nothing is meant by it).  I think the hormones sent everything catapaulting out of control, but truthfully, I've always been a worrier--just got so incredibly bad during the menopausal years.
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