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the big "D" and relationships

Posted , 5 users are following.

matt63753
matt63753

Hey all,

Just a different view here. But I have had depression for just about a year....been on meds....but my question is this....has anyone slse felt better in themselves by making that break and saying enough is enough.

I know there are people here that are feeling trapped, penned in and that home doesn't feel like home anymore....my own experience was this...my partner tried, bless her and we have a child together. I tried the trial separation thing which for those that are in this position I highly recommend as a starting point before just throwing things away. It helped just to have that bit of space so I could gather my thoughts, put things into perspective. I have done it regularly but for me it was an endless cycle that needed to be broken....it was and has been the hardest thing I have ever done....I feel stronger for it, better in myself and our relationship is better.

I'm just throwing this out there not so much for replies but a few of you guys have helped immensely and it's a bit of a thank you to those, but also for those that feel the way I do there are people to talk to if you can't find anyone close to you....at least we all know what your going through....

OK ramble over thanks for reading.

Matt x

2 likes, 7 replies

7 Replies

  • Slowly_dieing
    Slowly_dieing matt63753

    Posted

    Morning Matt.

    Like you i have cycles of ups and downs and can now pretty much write it on the calender when my down will be it's that regular! I felt trapped in my marriage and got to the point where I had to leave for my sanity if nothing else but I couldn't put her through me thinking this numbness was me not loving her anymore either so I left!

    I think we talked last night (I was in a bit of daze last night to be honest so may have been someone else) but I have been away for 3 months now and the first couple of weeks I felt yes this is right, not only for me as I did/do feel better inmyself but for them too but now I'm feeling i want her in my life. We also get along better living apart which has actually made me want to try to keep her in my life....I know she's not sure of this tho after all I left her and our daughter, took my stuff and said that was it and now I'm trying to build a friendship with her which I hope will one day turn back into ......well a marriage I suppose but that is in the far distant. I still get days where I think I don't want a relationship which is why I think me living apart from her for now and us just seeing each other as a couple, going out for the day, texting, facebooking is helping as it shows her I'm trying but it takes the pressure of me if you will!

    All I can suggest is keep talking to her, be that phone or text but let her know what's going on with you, how your feeling so she knows you are thinking of her and dispite everything she is an important part of your life! You said you get on better now so use that to open up to her a bit more.....words on a screen are so much easier then face to face which is good for us that find it difficult to talk. 

  • Angel91
    Angel91 matt63753

    Posted

    Whilst I think trial seperations, or just time away from a relationship, can be helpful in some circumstances, it is worth rememebering that throwing away your support system is quite common with depression, and if you don't have other people who know you well enough to know when a decision is made because of the depression or because of a well thought out rationalisation, it can be very dangerous.

    It is also worth remembering that for most people, a trial seperation spells the end of a relationship rather than making it better. A trial seperation is used to discover ir you both prefer being in the relationship or out of it... and if the depressed person decides they want to be in the relationship and their partner decides they want to be out of it, it can be extremely detrimental to that persons mental health.

    I think it depends on a lot of things as to whether a potential break up is the right thing to do, but I would always suggest if the relationship issues started after the depression, I would try and get yourself stable before making any huge life decisions.

    • Slowly_dieing
      Slowly_dieing Angel91

      Posted

      I threw my support system away ie my wife 3 months ago and to be honest the time apart has really helped! I'm on the way to finding out who I am again without being dad, husband, bread winner and we have began talking again like we used to before I was diagnosed. I still get days where I don't want a relationship but I want her in my life so I'm willing to get to know her all over again and build a friendship which may or may not grow into something more (I'm more open to the idea now then I was 3 months ago but she is obviously, dubious about it all so I have promised to contact her once a day just to talk about my day or ask about hers. I have also promised that i won't ignore her when she contacts me.

      Before I was put on tablets and told her how I was feeling looking back things were fine between us, it's the feelings of numbness and not feeling anything for anyone that confuses me I think as I thought how can I go from loving this one women and making plans for our future and then one event change everything...my thinking was there must have been something wrong in the first place for me to feel this way so I left! 3 months later I know now that these feelings are down to depression BUT we do have to work on us as well, as every relationship needs to be worked on everyday and together you can discover new things about each other but the main things have always been there even now it feels right just being with her.

      The break apart for me has been good and I think it will continue for now but I am going to work on us too and we will see what happens

  • paul67642
    paul67642 matt63753

    Posted

    hi matt just to let you know that i came depressed when my girlfriend past away in may and i want to be with her but i cant becaues of our son we had together
    • Slowly_dieing
      Slowly_dieing paul67642

      Posted

      Hay Paul, I'm so sorry to read you lost your gf!

      Have you been to the doctors about how you are feeling?

       

    • paul67642
      paul67642 Slowly_dieing

      Posted

      your ok but you go to your doctors and get help for your self please am ok just have my up's and down's
  • bill78298
    bill78298 matt63753

    Posted

    Hay Matt my wife keeps trying to push me away and has on many occassion said she doesn't love me anymore. Her depression comes from looseing a baby and she can't seem to push through the pain and blames herself for the loss even tho i don't. She thinks my reason for staying is gone even tho I think of her child from a previous marriage as my own and we did  actually have a child together a year or so later!

    I have thought of leaving ....but not forever just going somewhere to give her a break but then i think she will be left with the kids so not really a break so maybe she could go somewhere while I look agfter the kids but she doesn't like the idea, at this point i'm at a loss of what to do or how to help so i joined here!

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