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the H bomb

Posted , 6 users are following.

laura24601
laura24601

I am away from home for the first time and I am currently on the 3rd day of my first episode of herpes. It has been the single most painful experience of my life and I have has multiple surgeries as well as appendicitis, so trust me i understand pain. I have total and complete empathy for anybody going through this. It makes you feel ashamed, branded, outcast but really I just feel quite alone. I don't want to tell anybody but at the same time I just need someone to know about it and tell me everything will be ok. I was admitted to hospital on the first day I knew something was wrong, in a horrendous amount of pain, i was embarrassed about it a few days before and thought it would just get better by itself. It didn't and god do I regret playing doctor and pretending I knew a god damn thing about it. My doctor gave me morphiene and an IV but somehow failed to mention that the disease was in-curable and I would have it for the rest of my life. No that piece of wonderful information I stumbled across on the internet during my extensive freaking out research. I spend most of my days crying and moping around like a wounded bunny rabbit but I have just never felt so fragile in my life.

Seeing as I know none of you and this is full disclosure to complete strangers I figure I should tell everything. Just get the whole package off of my chest and into the virtual world that is the internet. I fell in love about a month ago with the most wonderful person I have met in a long time. It's romantic and a serious connection but we've taken everything so slowly. And now I realise I have to tell him, and I am hoping to god that he doesn't run for the hills. I suppose that's something I'm going to have to get used to. I read someone's entry about how this separates the men she should be with by how they react but to me it sounds like a way to find out just how desperate a man is.. I mean hey, you can't polish a turd.

It's early days I suppose, maybe it'll get better or we'll find a cure or perhaps the stigma associated with it will diminish a little. But until then ladies and (one gent) who incidentally managed to pick up two ladies on this website lol, we should stick together, I know it's only virtual support but it's better than being alone. Write back to me if you want to chat about nothing as I'm on house arrest until I regain the ability to walk.. So probably around a week. And I'll let you know how it goes with this guy if anyone else is in a similar situation or has any good lines or smooth/non threatening ways of casually dropping the H bomb do let me know!

Cherio chums

0 likes, 5 replies

5 Replies

  • feelbroken
    feelbroken laura24601

    Posted

    Wow laura, so sorry you have to join the club w the rest of us. I really wish none of us had to go through this. Put of the several girls I know who've had this, only one has experienced rejection a couple times, but she's married now a second time. All the women I know w it are married w partners who didn't have it and one in a relationship, so apparently men are a lot more accepting than you think. I think when feelings are involved, it is almost impossible to not look past it. If they can't, I really feel that these are people who have problems w hanging on to a lot of things and holds things against you. I had an ex that had warts and I am the most neurotic person about STDs and I was still w it. I already cares about him.

    I know it will be hard, but stay strong. I too understand just how painful it is. Keep your head up

  • brittany83063
    brittany83063 laura24601

    Posted

    Hello Laura, like feelbroken said I wish none of us had to deal with this. I just found out two days ago that I have GH and I've had to call into work and use sick leave because for one I'm emotionally in shock over it and two I'm in so much pain that I cant walk or even sit. Reading that this is the most painful experience you've felt gives me some weird comfort bc it tells me that I'm not alone in this pain. I've been frantically researching more about GH and it's caused a bittersweet mix of emotions. I'm still not 100% sure the ideal things I need to do to take control of this disease so just know that reading your post has helped me feel like I am not alone. 

    I am not currently in a serious relationship but I have been seeing someone on occassion because it's long distance so that's the closest I can say I am to any relationship. It's pretty much a friends with benefits situationship. Now knowing I have GH, I am terrified to tell him. Because I wasn't in a serious relationship with him I thought it wouldn't hurt to try and pursue a relationship with someone who wanted something serious so I met a guy on one of those online dating sites, and I slept with him after I felt I knew him comfortably, it was only one time, because I felt we were interested in pursing each other seriously. Reflecting back now, I believe he knew he had GH but did not tell me. He stopped speaking with me shortly after we had sex. I think it's because he knew I would catch it too. 

    I haven't heard from my situationship guy yet and I don't really know how I'm going to tell him either so we'll see how it goes. If it happens sooner rather than later, I will let you know. Maybe my conversation will help you. But if it ends up being later than yours, I'd love to hear how it goes for you. 

    Best of luck Laura. 

     

  • natasha28787
    natasha28787 laura24601

    Posted

    Hi Laura, I can completely relate to a lot of what you said above. I too, was in so much pain I couldn't sit/walk/stand comfortably for a good few days, it was the worst pain I have ever experienced. I also felt so ashamed and couldn't - and still haven't five months later - bring myself to tell anyone about it. 

     I also really really like this guy I know, and I know in time I will have to tell him. I find myself acting out the conversation in my head over and over, with the worst case scenarios occuring the most. No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to find a way to make it sound 'okay'.. I'm dreading his response and it would break me if he rejected me because of this. He's currently at uni and not back for two months, so if he's still interested on his return, I've got until then to come up with my disclosure speech...

    I hate myself for letting this happen to me in the first place, trying so hard to not give in, as I know that in reality it's not that bad at all, but I just hope beyond hope that others will learn to view it in the same way.. Keep us updated on your situation smile

  • scorpio32
    scorpio32 laura24601

    Posted

    Think we can agree on that the pain is awful.

    Guys are more accepting really trust I know. Found out before christmas I could have this. I told two female friends whom both were like hope u don't have it etc. They said well lets see what results says and it was confirmed and told them and they asked me questions on it and now rarely say much to me about it.

    But the guys I have told have been more understanding and one guy told me an experience of his female friend and said once she came to terms with it herself she just left it up to the guys to make the decision if they wanted to sleep with her or not.

    I been lucky so far with guys. Although not slept with no one yet and kind of taking a break from men. I know that it will be fine.

    Some guys will run for the hills but it won't put me off dating. As there are sites where guys have this too.

  • Sansan93
    Sansan93 laura24601

    Posted

    If it's true love honey it will all come together and if it's not meant to be than it will just be a learning experience I really do hope everything comes together
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