There is hope

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It's been a while since I posted on here (certainly a few weeks), but I've popped by every few days to keep an eye on what's been posted.

In August and through September and October I scrawled through these posts in the hope that I would find the magical answer to help me get better.

I started citalopram 20mg early August, after 5 weeks I upped to 30mg.  I had awful side effects to add to the horrendous anxiety symptoms - nausea, diarhea, loss of appetite (completely), shakes, panic, andrenaline surges, wretching and many more.  I didnt eat anything for 10 weeks other than a protein shake drink and the odd slice of toast and lost 2 and a half stone in those weeks.  I couldnt function, felt there was no hope.  The anxiety and side effects made me fell like I would never be normal again.

It has been the hardest 3 months of my life, I dont know how I got through each day, but I had amazing support from family and friends and on this site.

At the 12 week point I started to work a couple of hours each day at home (I am lucky I can do this).  I upped to 3 hours a day and managed to go into the office a couple of times.  Now I am on 4 hours and today in the office I felt like the old me.  Dont get me wrong, I have days (just yesterday) when I can feel the nervousness in my tummy and/or chest or I feel a bit icky and its hard to not completely focus on those physical symptoms that seem to take over your body.

I know there's still a long way to go, small baby steps and I'm not rushing to be back full time at work - luckily work are really good and understanding and are supporting me.  The tiny improvements can be so frustrating as you have a good day and then bang feel like you are back to square one!

I never thought I would be able to say this, but THERE IS HOPE and you will get there.  It's slow, torturous sometime, unbearable even, and more importantly it is different for everyone.  There is no defined timescale or magic wand, trust me I looked everywhere.

This site has been a godsend and when I was at my lowest people answered questions and gave advice and I found the most amazing friend to share my journey with and help eachother.

Keep going, you will get there and thank you to all who helped me xxxxx

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4 Replies

  • Posted

    Well done, I am pleased you are feeling much better and can see the light at the end of the tunnel,, Getting well is hard work and it sounds you are doing well

    We are always here if you need help

    All the best

    B.

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  • Posted

    Vicky, you're a fantastic encouragement to everyone who is starting on or wondering whether they feel able to continue on this journey.

    It's a truly frightening experience to go through and you are an inspiration. There is a lot to be said sometimes for googling and sharing stories with others in a similar situation xx

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  • Posted

    Great to hear! We need some more encouraging posts on here. I'm glad you're feeling better. Baby steps is definitely what it takes if you feel those horrendous side effects.

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