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I hope I can reassure a lot of you on here I'm going to make it all very detailed so sorry if it's a tad long but I've made it so you can skip to where u want to read.
Ok I was putting of writing this post for a while as I didn't want to jinx myself haha but yeh here goes.
I posted on here about 3 ago months for the first time when I was literally breaking down and looking back now I can't Bieleve how much I've changed its scary!
First of all lemme start by saying just how bad my anxiety was. It started when I was 16 and gradually got worse I am now 19. It got to the point where I was basically bed bound. It took everything from me my job my social life I didn't leave my house and if I did I had to have a glass of wine before I could leave (very sad I know)
-VERY VERY dizzy (to the point I couldn't stand up, hence why I was bed bound)
-chest pain and tight chest 24/7
-felt like my throat was closing 24/7
-pins and needles throughout my body
- sweaty palms
- feeling as if I was going crazy
- derealisation (feeling detached, out of reality)
Frequent thoughts that I had:
- I have a brain tumour
- I'm going to have a stroke
- somethings wrong with my heart
- I've got cancer
- Am I going to become schizophrenic
- the doctors must have got it wrong
- I'm going to stop breathing
- my hearts going to stop
The list is endless. I was googling EVERYTHING even down to the most stupid thing just to try and diagnose myself
So for about a month I was literally in a state of panic 24/7 I thought I was going to have to be put into a psych ward I completely lost control I called an ambualnce every week to check if I was ok because I couldn't physically leave my house to take myself to the hospital they did endless checks NOTHING was wrong with me JUST anxiety.
But 'just' anxiety isn't 'just' anxiety. If you know what I mean. Anxiety is the most horrible thing and the sad thing about it is that for a period of time I got depression I was so depressed that I felt numb which gave me some relief as I didn't get anxiety. If that makes any sense to anyone.
enough is enough my nan dragged me to the doctors and I got put on 50mg of sertraline. YES the first few weeks where horrible I went back to the doctors and upped the dose to 100mg it's been about 11 weeks and omg I can't even begin to explain how much I've changed. And no it wasn't JUST medication that helped me I will tell you abit more.
if you have anxiety and you 'put up with it' then your not ready to get rid of it yet. When it clicks in ur head and you realise enough is enough thats when ur ready.
So I came to realise most of my health anxiety stemmed from my fear of dying. I became almost obsessed with death . The thought of not existing terrified me and I always thought 'what if there is an after life' I was just terrified of death.
My first step was getting over this fear Which helped me A LOT to get over anxiety. i didn't have therapy but I spoke to a lot of people about it. Now I don't want to go into to much detail my Bielefs may vary from other people's but I think once ur gone ur basically just gone. u have no thoughts so u don't know ANY different. It's just like when u go to sleep at night just without the dreams. And I became to realise it's not that terrifying.
I changed my diet I used to drink a lot of tea a day with atleast 3-4 sugars in and I just stopped altogether and I replaced it with milk instead. Caffeine causes anxiety more than you realises.
I forced my self to go out and go on public transport and everytime I accomplished something I felt so euphoric.
Also There is something which has always stuck in my head which my doctor told me. If you THINK you are going crazy that's the FIRST SIGHN that your NOT going crazy.
And I know this better than a lot of people
Because my mum actually has a mental illness and she was convinced she was normal, nothing was wrong with her she was happy and so on.. She thought it was normal to hear voices and she was convinced everyone heard voices.
So no amount of anxiety or panic can cause alone a Mental illness like schizophrenia etc..
I know a lot of people have a fear of taking tablets for anxiety as the first few weeks are horrible but honestly STICK WITH THEM because they do help. Before sertraline I was on citalopram and flouxetine and they wasn't for me so when I got given another ssri I just thought ah this again but I am so glad I never gave up
Also if you feel the tablets aren't working during the start then Up your dose. I'm on 100mg and I have No side affects at all it surprised me so much I took it to my doctor and said are these defiantly pills and not placebos and she assured me that that wouldn't be ethical
FOR THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE TRIED MANY ANTI DEPRESSANTS AND FEEL AS IF NOTHING IS WORKING
Now My auntie was a huge hypochondriac. She would go to the doctors practically every day about everything for months on end. The doctors told her endless times that she was perfectly fine they prescribed her anti depressants but she went through so many types and nothing was working for her. HOWEVER you are legally allowed to have a brain scan to check your brain activity. This activity can indicate whether a patient would work best on medication or best with just therapy.
Patients with low brain activity in interior insula work best with cbt and patients with high insula interior work best with medication. Now In the uk I think you have to get a private consultation for this which costs as this is what my auntie did. Anyway the brain scan allowed her to be able to identify right medication for her and she's happy as Larry now.
Now Changing my mind set and diet and sleep pattern and forcing myself to battle against it all helped but honestly I would no way in hell have been able to do it without sertraline. I feel normal again and it's great
You need to really get to the route as to why your anxious and what triggers your anxiety because the answers are in your head you just might need some help to figure them out.
At the end of the day you only get one life to live and life's to short to waste it on being sad. STAY POSITIVE even on your down days. honestly guys if I could even explain how bad I was I would but no words can describe it so the point I'm trying to make is that if I can get over anxiety then ANYONE can.
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