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I'm already imagining that this post will be fairly long, so if you dont stick around to read this I dont blame you, but if you do, thank you so much for taking the time to listen!
I'm a 20 year old female and all my life I have stuggled when it comes to being sociable. Before I have to attend a social event or gathering, I shake and have a real urge to start crying (sometimes I do) and I get horrendous nausea that actually causes me to phsycally gag and vomit. It seems to be very trivial things that trigger this reflex, and it often occurs more when I am socialising with people I know rather than complete strangers. i suppose it's because I care more about what they are thinking of me?
Before any social event, I turn to alcohol. It doesn't help a ton but it definately makes me feel a little more confident about the situation. Although I have suffered with these anxious feelings for years, the alcohol has only become a problem since it's been legal for me to buy it. Sometimes I carry a small bottle of vodka or whisky around with me and take a swig when I say I'm going to the toilet, just to cope with being around people. That's disgusting I know but sometimes I feel like it's the only real solution.
I have only 1 friend that knows about this. I only actually have two friends!
If I have a social event planned ahead of time, there is a period beforehand where I have absolutely no appetite. It's odd for me because I'm usually always hungry, but when I feel anxious the thought and even the smell of food makes me feel sick to my stomach. If a social event doesnt go as I had hoped, I will fall into a depressive state where I cannot eat or talk to anyone, I just lay in bed for days until the phase passes. I work at a holiday park in the spring/summer time, and when I have to start a new season after 5 months of being away from these people, I can't eat and I am often physically sick when I think about it. It's so weird because I really do like the people I work with, but even before I head off to work each evening I get the awful sense of dread and fear in my stomach, it just doesn't make any sense!
This anxiety also occurs when faced with quite small and trivial situations, like having to go to a restaurant that I'm not familiar with, or attending an opticians appointment. It sometimes stems from just plain overthinking!
I have been taking Kalms for about a week now to see if they will make these symptoms less apparent, however they don't seem to be making a difference just yet. I'm guessing theyre just too mild or I have to wait it out a little.
I feel like seeing a GP about this to see if they could prescribe me something a little stronger to take this constant struggle away. I'm a little nervous about doing so though as when I was 13/14 years old I took an overdose of painkillers when I had a bit of a breakdown, I'm worried this will cause them to think I am unstable in some way?
What are your experiences with social anxiety? Any advice when it comes to getting help? I'm running out of ideas on how to make this go away
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